sup, world.

Welcome to Hip To Be Snark!

I’m S. Specifically, the S of supernaturalsnark, wherein I bitch about Supernatural, television and sometimes political related buffoonery. I have now moved onto posting about other things and I feel like a blog called Supernatural Snark should be what it is. Except for when it isn’t but, whatever. I will leave any TV show related posts to that site.

Everything else will go wherever I feel like posting it, lol.

Here, I plan to post about a collection of random things and responses to prompts. Basically anything I feel that isn’t relevant to my other blog.

So, yeah. Hi!

Email Anxiety

 

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Apparently email anxiety disorder is a legit thing that people have.  I always thought it was just a subset of social anxiety but, apparently not.

Ugh.

I think social anxiety kind of falls low on the scale of anxiety and mental health. Whenever I mention it to people, they just gloss over it. What they don’t realise is that sets off a huge chain reaction and sort of makes me wonder if I’m being silly. I feel like this anxiety is secondary to the more generalised type. I definitely don’t have it as bad as some people and I am actually getting better everyday. So, I try not to talk about it.

I used to think that my social anxiety begun shortly after I began to have anxiety over emails from friends, but…even as a child I was unable to talk to people without feeling judgement and I often remained quiet. I just didn’t know what it was. I don’t think many people do. If not for the internet, I would have no idea that others felt the same.

Coincidentally, that was why social anxiety really grew into what it is now. I isolated myself because I couldn’t physically handle conversation or even be around strangers. I shut down whenever new people joined small conversations. I turned up everyday and said nothing. I was just desperate to return to my own space.

Anyway, the upside of social anxiety is that we can do all of this talking online now. If I have something to tell someone, I can text it or email it. There’s a whole other way of communicating.

But social anxiety can get you there too.

I used to be able to write anything I wanted. I was forthright and opinionated and I was unapologetic about it. Unfortunately in life, you get people that seem to revel in trying to take you down a notch or two. The first time it happens, you can chalk it off to one bad egg. When people berate you constantly and try to involve other people, it becomes an issue. That happened to me and suddenly, ‘online’ world seems to be too much like the real world. It may just be words, but the judgement is felt all the same.

Sometimes I feel like I have a split personality because I have moments where I just don’t care. Like my Supernatural blog! I am forthright, unapologetic and it feels good to get those things off my chest. Other times, I work myself up into a panic over the simplest things.

Eventually, it was easier just to resolve to do things later. Later becomes a day, two days, a month, two months and then I am replying to messages late. Out of guilt. Or a nagging sense that I have failed somehow. In my mind, I know that it’s not that deep but that doesn’t stop me from reading emails obsessively and trying to figure out if what I’ve said is okay. Rewriting it until it’s perfect.

These days, if I don’t reply right away, I often don’t at all.

The worst part is that I hate it when people don’t reply to my emails. Or I did. Lately, the apathy has grown and I sometimes barely remember that I’ve emailed people.

My inbox is cluttered but I honestly can’t bring myself to clear it out. It just makes me panic. So emails get buried. I have a lot of filters now that help me keep up but every time  I sit down and hit ‘compose’ I just feel uncomfortable. I can’t just bang out a reply in five minutes (mostly, some people I can email normally, lol) so I really have to be in the mood.

Professional emails are even worse, ay dios mio. I have to get people to double check them for me, lest I go completely insane.

It’s all very frustrating.

So, I guess I should finally try and do something about it. This article has some good pointers. I like the check emails 1-2 times a day one but, it’s just not feasible in this day and age is it? I need to track applications and whatnot. However, prioritising a particular filter might help there, so….maybe it’s worth looking into.

At the end of the day, it’s just email. It’s not that deep. (Except for the part where it is!).

You Handed Me The Scissors (Quote of the Day)

If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors.

I shall put a positive spin on this by saying that I’m more of a eraser than a cutter. You might fade to black but I won’t treat you like a leper. I tend to forgive easily but only when people actually ask for it

People apologize but never follow it up by asking you if you can somehow get past what they’ve done. 

Friendship is like a book that never seems to end until one day you just don’t pick it up again. 

06. Hobbies

Written for day 6 of the Gratitude Challenge. 

Hmm, well, last year I was away from home and it was hard. I wasn’t in a city and I couldn’t just go out and wander around in shops. No, that required a thirty minute wait for the bus or walking down and back up a hill. It made me so grateful that I live in a city. I’m sure that it’s a case of being used to something. Historically, I always find it hard to fit into new places. Sometimes I make it work but often I always feel like an outcast. 

Anyway, amidst all of the angst, I decided to order some beads and just take some chill time whenever everything got too much. I would make bracelets. Nothing spectacular, but it was more the actual making that seemed to soothe me somehow. I’m not sure what was do calming about it. I think the best part is that it’s a relatively straightforward hobby that comes with a reward at the end. My other hobbies don’t necessarily do that in such a short period of time, lol! 

I’m a beacon of unwanted attention (#SoCS)

So, on Friday I got a call from this guy who I’ve only ever met once. He basically popped up next to me and started talking to me randomly. I was taken aback but it was after midnight and I was tired and just ready to get to the bus stop. We were walking through this shopping mall where I’d witnessed a serious incident a few days earlier so I was happy to have someone to walk with and I was talking to him. We are from the same place so he was asking me questions and so forth. 

And then he basically asked me out and I did everything but say no. I gave him my number but he was really weird about it. He didn’t take my name. He didn’t check to see if the call had come through on his phone. Only God knows what he saved me as. Random girl? Who knows. 

Anyway, he called me the next day while I was at work and one more time after that. This was before Christmas. 

Three months later, this dude has called me again. I didn’t pick up but…Uh, what the hell? I have this mental picture of him having contacts named ?, ?? and ???. Perhaps he just called all of them because he realised that he doesn’t have names. Or maybe I made a really strong impression, LOL. Either way it was rather random. 

It reminds of this one guy who would ALWAYS come up to me and ask my for my number. I’d give it to him and he’d be like, ‘Oh, I’ve seen you already’. I couldn’t work out if he was creepy, interested or just in search of anyone with an available house for parties (he was always really interested in my living situation, where I went to school. It was weird). It got the point that I had to change my route because he’d always come up to me. And that’s not even the worst part. He would call me constantly. Five, six times per day. It was basically harassment until he gave up. One time I accidentally answered and it was so bizarre. 

Another time I got a call from this guy who asked me how I was and then started laughing. I hung up. 

At this point, there are probably too many random dudes with my number. Before I was giving them an old number but one time the guy called me there and then and I had to answer questions about where my ‘other’ phone was. It was so mortifying that I just gave my real number. And so many of them call to make sure you have given them a legit number. It’s awful. Someone needs to teach me how to navigate through this shit. My game is all off. 

I seem to have a knack for attracting creepers and pervy, old men. Do I have some kind of Creeper Attractant ability or something? Ick. 

Men, please do better. Thank you.


Written for the SOCS prompt of ‘man‘. 

Infatubssesion 

The deal: I’m trying to not become infatuated with someone but I’ve been failing miserably.

Current status: Ha. I’ve been failing miserably until today. Today, I made my own luck. I went out in search for red flags and clung onto the most tenuous one that I found. In a way, that I actually managed to sit through any video with no issue tells me that I’ve been lucky this time. When you watch something over and over you find yourself connecting with whoever is in it and it becomes a huge problem, depending on your personality. Mostly because the connection is false. So for me, it’s always easier to find one thing that makes me remember that I don’t know so and so and that I don’t particularly want to. 

Oddly enough what did it for me is that this person is normal. No glitz, no glamour, just an Instagram page full of pictures. They also have a shit ton of interviews up but my reaction was what the hell are they even saying? Do models have anything interesting to say? 

I’m sure that they do but the point is that I was in no rush to find out. I was just relaxed about it. My short-lived infatubssession (new word!) is over and for now it’s just a passing interest. 

Luuuuucky me. No, seriously, I need to get my life together and no hot model will help me with that. Unless they want to marry me and help me clear my student debt!


Written in response to ‘Luck’ @ The Daily Post here

One Liner Wednesday: I’m done, have fun

It was my friend’s birthday this week but I haven’t spoken to her since October. It was a conscious decision but one that was also due to the fact that I was busy. In all of that time, I’ve not heard from her. Usually, I email her for her birthday but I didn’t want to be the one to break the silence. I don’t think she gets just how much she upset me and how much I feel like we are now two strangers. Even if I wanted to be tight with her again, my conscience wouldn’t allow it. It’s not that I can’t forgive it’s that there was no real attempt to understand my side of things, just what I thought was a flimsy apology and her admitting that she has no time to undo her ignorance. I accepted the apology but I don’t have to accept feeling bad. So yeah, it’s done for now.

I sent her an ecard this week and she opened it about two hours after but there was no acknowledgement. I’m guessing she doesn’t know that I am notified when it’s open but…Yeah, I know! Obviously, she could have been busy or something but I took it for what it was. 

It’s obvious not great to think that you’ve lost a friend but there comes a point where you have to just push it aside and just let whatever happens happen. We could talk tomorrow or we could never talk again. I can’t stress out over something that I can’t control. 


This is a response to this week’s One Liner Wednesday.