The main problem is that I automatically trust no one and nothing. Being cynical is exhausting. I’m sure my fellow cynics will agree. However, I didn’t just wake up and decide to be cynical. It was all of the people who have ever let me down that made me this way.
They’ve ruined my ability to trust anything. Trust is one of those things that I have to micromanage. So, I might say that I trust you to do something but I sure as hell don’t fully expect you to do it. In fact, I never ask people to do something that I’m incapable of doing myself. It’s called low expectations; a chapter written in every cynic’s imaginary book of life.
Low expectations generally arise from broken trust. When the same person lets you down repeatedly, you eventually get with the program. Similar to those people who swear up and down that they are there for you but they’re conveniently busy when you need them the most.
If you can’t trust someone to be there when you’re crying so much that you resemble Niagara freaking Falls, who can you trust?
Surprisingly the answer is….not many people. I was going to say no one but I’m not that cynical. Yet.
Either way, trust doesn’t come easily to me. People lodge their applications and I process them and determine the outcome.
One thing about broken trust is that there is an upside. Realising that you don’t trust someone can be liberating. I once had a friend who went behind my back and told someone what I said. Years later when I was trying to figure out if I considered them a friend, I was just like, “Why? I don’t even trust them. What’s the point?”
Eventually, I revoked their trust application. In true snarky fashion of course, but that’s a story for another post.
This post is a response to this prompt.