I came across this post on social anxiety and it is pretty accurate. All 15 things are relatable to me. Sigh.
First of all, fuck anxiety in general. Secondly, I hate having social anxiety. It is the worst. If only because there’s no getting away from it, short of becoming a hermit.
Social anxiety for me is one of those things that I can’t explain. How do you explain not being able to physically order a burger because the mere thought makes you feel sick? Even now that I’m an adult and everything, I still struggle to do these things. When I was younger, asking someone to order for me was normal. Now…it is kind of weird. The only time I’m able to do it with no issue is when I’m with someone who’s even more nervous than I am. My inability to let someone flounder takes over and I ‘act’. Or bullshit my way through a situation. Is there a difference?
And worst of all is the embarrassment factor. I don’t think social anxiety defines me as a person but it makes me feel completely abnormal at times. It’s like Batman being afraid of the dark, it would render him kind of useless. My current job entails me talking to people on and off for several hours and it is exhausting. On one hand, there’s so many people that I can’t even freak out about it, but on the other, it is so draining. I almost wish my name tag said ‘please don’t talk to me‘. Obviously, I put all of that ‘great communication’ shit on my application form. I doubt that anyone hiring is looking for someone who gets exhausted after one tiny conversation. That comes hand in hand with being an introvert, but sometimes, I’m just not in the fucking mood. Luckily for me, I’m an expert at bullshitting my way through life.
The worst part is room with open spaces and a high volume of people. Just stepping into the room fills my entire body with dread and anxiety. It’s like being frozen in time. It’s borderline painful and makes me feel like a complete and utter weirdo. At this point, I avoid those situations and will continue to do so.
Anyway, I just wanted to ramble about this briefly. Occasionally, I have to recharge the snark meter 🙂