So, I became acutely aware of how awkward I was a long time ago. It always seems to hit home when I’m out of my comfort zone. Like this week when I had to tell someone off at work. I don’t really speak to customers unless spoken to. Occasionally, if I’m feeling chatty (a rare occasion) I’ll have a few conversations, but apart from that I am quiet. This week however, I was tired and crabby and I had to finally speak up. And I felt so bad that I had to. I didn’t regret it but I’m not the kind of person that tells people off.
It kind of really hit me then that I am not the most confident person and that I’m just awkward.
The most telling indicator is always when I am recounting interactions. My dialogue always consists of uhms and ahhs because I am so quiet. Talking to me is probably really frustrating. I guess it’s like talking to a mime that occasionally breaks out of character. I just can’t help it, I guess. Sometimes when you over think each word that you say it’s just easier not to say anything.
I’m also extremely introverted, so it’s par for the course but sometimes I wish I was confident enough to just be myself without freaking out afterwards.