I wrote a short story for this entry. It was either that or rambling about how I still haven’t written my novel yet. Continue reading “writing & weddings – #AtoZChallenge”
Today, I’m going to do a list. I’m not really a traveller nor do I really think about it beyond needing a MAJOR vacation (I need money, yo), but if I had the means, I’d fly all over the place. Anyway, here’s some pretty pictures because we can all dream, right?
Continue reading “vacation – #AtoZChallenge”
So, I decided to go make up free this week. By make up I mean eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, brow pencil and lipstick (although I wore lip gloss instead).
Monday, I looked disastrous. My hair is long overdue a spruce up so I’ve just been tying a scarf on it but it looks awful. Plus I was running late so I looked like a hot mess.
Tuesday, more of the same.
By Wednesday, I was avoiding looking at myself in the mirror.
I ditched concealer and foundation because it was getting too much and they’re not good for my skin, but sometimes I just always feel so self conscious without anything on my face. I call these instances my ugly days. Usually on those days, the make up goes on, but I wanted to air out my face this week. Plus, my eyes watered for about fifteen minutes straight in public so in a way, I’m glad that I held my resolve. Continue reading “ugly days – #AtoZChallenge”
I hate phone calls.
In fact, the last conversation I had with a friend was in December and it was awkward.
If we’re not related, I don’t want to talk on the phone. I don’t like doing official business on the phone. If there’s no email option, I will avoid it. I hate calling helplines or work. Anywhere. I will hunt down your email the way James Bond hunts down the bad guys.
I hate voicemail.
I hate phone calls.
Why do I hate them? I’m not sure. I remember in the past I’d talk to my friends all of time via phone. But maybe that’s it. When you’re a teenager, the most important call you make is to your parents when you’ve broken your curfew. By the time you reach university age, you’re making more serious phone calls. And by the time I was that age, I was an anxious wreck who could barely talk to people. I spent three years at a place where I never fit in and I didn’t communicate much. So, by the time I left, talking was an issue. Talking with people I didn’t know was a mountain of issues.
I’m not sure when I realised that I didn’t like phone calls. For one, I’m too quiet on the phone. Mostly because I feel like I’m yelling if I raise my voice. So that leads to people not being able to hear and then I have to repeat myself and it becomes old very fast. It’s exhausting.
The worst part is the period before the phone call. I will be sweating. Writing my script. Panicking. Trying to compose myself and just getting into such a state that I convince myself that I can’t do it.
It’s almost like I’m worried that people will judge me via the phone, or that I’m going to say something stupid and it’ll forever be in the airwaves. I can’t really explain it because when I eventually man up and make the call it’s fine. The panic melts away and the phone doesn’t erupt into a ball of flames. And then I feel stupid for worrying at all.
Anxiety is a bitch, y’all.
More Instagram rambling. I always feel like an awkward grandma when I’m on social media so I’m sharing my journey with you all. Enjoy, LOL.
So, today, I watched some stories. I follow less than 30 people so there’s only ever usually two that need to be watched. One was of some guy in his car. I’m fairly certain that he wasn’t saying anything. I mean, his lips weren’t moving but I also didn’t unmute the video, so…It was weird. I was just wondering why he was looking directly at the camera. Maybe I will unmute it next time. Anyway, his dog is cute, though! The next one was just general stuff by a friend of mine. Continue reading “Random Thoughts #11”
I don’t like surprises. Not in real life, books, movies, shows, anywhere. I can’t stand them. Why? Well, ’cause they catch you unaware. I’m the kind of person that reads the end of books, reads the plot of movies and shows on Wikipedia, and whatever else one does to avoid surprises.
Let’s break it down.
They’re okay, I guess. I would be the worst person to surprise. I will ask ‘what is it?’ a million times if I need to. Otherwise, I’ll be embarrassed. Or self-conscious, and nobody needs to see that.
I’d rather just know. I hate not knowing. I need to be prepared for everything. I can’t take it when I don’t know something and it’s bad. This includes the deaths of fictional characters. I have crying over anything that isn’t real so I deliberately spoil myself so that I’m prepared. That’s probably weird but I’m not stranger to weirdness, lol!
Real life bad surprises are everything that I run away from. Betrayal, sad things, horrible friends. No thank you. Life is bad enough.
Ugh. The worst kind. I need to be mentally aware of everything at all times. I hate unusual surprises because I have to wonder about the logic and then try and make sense of it all – like this new obsession with unicorns, what’s up with that? – and I overthink things. A lot.
To conclude, my dislike of surprises comes down to my somewhat controlled appearance. I’m not the kind of person that likes to express too much in front of others. Usually, I’ll laugh, but I’m always laughing. Anything else is off limits, lol.
Resting bitch face, also known as RBF or bitchy resting face, is a term for a facial expression (or lack thereof) which unintentionally appears angry, annoyed, irritated, or contemptuous, particularly when the individual is relaxed or not particularly expressing an emotion
Where do I start? I don’t smile. I don’t have a welcoming face. I often look grumpy, sad, miserable or a combination of the above. That is my face. I cannot help it. Please don’t ask me if I’m okay, or what’s wrong because chances are that I was fine before you insinuated that I wasn’t. At work, I have to physically prepare myself to fake smile at people. At least I’m getting paid for that. Other than that, if you’re not saying something that’s worth a smile, you’re not going to get one. If you’re not funny, you will get the blank stare. I used to think it made me look studious but apparently I skipped past that and landed on angry, miserable, sad, annoyed.
If that means that I have a bitch face, so be it. It’s social fractions. Some of us have open faces, some of us are always smiling. And then there’s the RBF crew. We look like we’re about to shave our heads and go all V for Vendetta but in reality, we’re just the same as everyone else. I’m approachable. I mean, you might get two words and awkward laughter from me but I won’t blank you. Unless you come up to me when my headphones are blatantly in. Why do people do that? You can see the wires. You can see that I’m not paying attention to you. Why not wait until I take the earphones out?
The reasons behind my RBF are simple really, I’m usually lost in thought or I want to keep my expression neutral. I keep my expression neutral because I’m self-conscious. There you have it. I’d rather have a rigid, controlled facial expression than look crazy unintentionally. It’s not that big of a deal really. People tell me that I should smile more but…Maybe they should give me something to smile about. Like money. I will smile for money.
Anyway, these days when people ask me what’s wrong, I just say that I’m tired and omit the part where I’m tired of being asked what’s wrong. I could sit down and tell people my problems but after five minutes their eyes will glaze over and they’ll realise that they didn’t care to begin with.
So yeah, RBF s just my gace, people. Deal with it. Especially because….
In 2015 CBS News reported that some plastic surgeons were using plastic surgery to help women with RBF
… and really, that’s just not right.
This post is sponsored by Scarlett O’Hara’s bitch face.