telephone – #AtoZChallenge

I hate phone calls. 

In fact, the last conversation I had with a friend was in December and it was awkward. 

If we’re not related, I don’t want to talk on the phone. I don’t like doing official business on the phone. If there’s no email option, I will avoid it. I hate calling helplines or work. Anywhere. I will hunt down your email the way James Bond hunts down the bad guys. 

I hate voicemail. 

I hate phone calls. 

Why do I hate them? I’m not sure. I remember in the past I’d talk to my friends all of time via phone. But maybe that’s it. When you’re a teenager, the most important call you make is to your parents when you’ve broken your curfew. By the time you reach university age, you’re making more serious phone calls. And by the time I was that age, I was an anxious wreck who could barely talk to people. I spent three years at a place where I never fit in and I didn’t communicate much. So, by the time I left, talking was an issue. Talking with people I didn’t know was a mountain of issues. 

I’m not sure when I realised that I didn’t like phone calls. For one, I’m too quiet on the phone. Mostly because I feel like I’m yelling if I raise my voice. So that leads to people not being able to hear and then I have to repeat myself and it becomes old very fast. It’s exhausting. 

The worst part is the period before the phone call. I will be sweating. Writing my script. Panicking. Trying to compose myself and just getting into such a state that I convince myself that I can’t do it. 

Awful.

It’s almost like I’m worried that people will judge me via the phone, or that I’m going to say something stupid and it’ll forever be in the airwaves. I can’t really explain it because when I eventually man up and make the call it’s fine. The panic melts away and the phone doesn’t erupt into a ball of flames. And then I feel stupid for worrying at all. 

Anxiety is a bitch, y’all. 

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