Bitchin', Life

Weathering The Storm

Does the weather reflect our mood? Definitely. This week it’s been hot and muggy. It’s rained. There have been storms. There’s been sun. It’s like, a catalogue of weather conditions. 
Much like the weather this week, my mood has been all over the place. 

I had a completely alien thought a few days ago. I wished that I had a best friend. I don’t consider myself to have a best friend. There’s no BFF who I tell everything to. If anything I’m constantly keeping parts of myself away from people because I know (or believe) that they’re not interested.  In some cases, people have straight up told me in no certain circumstances that they’re not interested while also telling me that I can talk to them about anything. 

I seem to attract a certain calibre of people. Or, I did, when I was outgoing. These days, I keep to myself and only really talk to people who talk to me. 

As someone who tends to internalise everything, it’s hard enough to tell people things without being screwed around. I remember desperately needing help with a story and I begged my friend to look over it. I hate asking for help because people let you down. My motto is always never ask people to do anything that you can’t do yourself. Anyway, we had done this dance before and usually she said no and I left it. This time, I think I had just done her a favour, so she agreed. 

I sent it to her and silence. 

We spoke afterwards but she didn’t mention it until sometime later. She told me she felt bad for not looking through it. One thing I hate is bullshit and as I was reassuring her that it was okay, I realised that I was now comforting her over her letting me down. I stopped talking to her for a couple of days. 

We’re still good friends but I’ll never ask her for help again. At least nothing that really requires more than five minutes of her time. 

I do have friends that read my writing and I am immensely grateful. Especially because I write some ridiculous things. 

However, I need someone that likes boybands, someone who reads my blog and tells me to stop being so weird, gets my jokes and is willing to mock someone on Instagram with me. 

You remember Bob? (Bob was a guy I follow on Instagram just for the unintentional lulz.) Anyway, part of why I cancelled Bob was because the friend that I shared his posts with kind of wasn’t feeling it. It wasn’t serious, but she kept trying to say: he’s not that interesting (to which I was like – that was the point!) and I got the sense that I was annoying her so I have stopped bothering her about it. 

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I have decided to become my own best friend. 

As always, WikiHow has got me covered. 

I’m going to laugh at my own jokes, mock Bob by myself to myself if I want to. I’ll read my own writing, read and comment on my own blog. 

I’ll watch movies by myself, watch TV shows by myself. I’ll buy gifts for myself, I’ll defend myself if I need to. I’ll eat chocolate and cry by myself, dance to the Backstreet Boys by myself. 

Wait. I do all of that already. 

Anyway, humour aside, I guess the importance of having a best friend is that it’s someone to let loose with, someone I can be myself with. I guess in this day and age, many of us are too focused on ourselves to really care about others. I try to tell people things and it turns into one-upmanship. I’m sitting there thinking I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, but to no avail. I’m sure that I’m guilty of the same thing. 

So, yeah.

Me and myself are now BFFs. 

Alternatively, the weather needs to calm down so that I can go back to being my usual abnormal self. 😂

This is a response to ‘weather’ prompt for #SoCS June 3/17. You can see the other responses here