trade this life for something new

Even though I blog about ‘myself’, there’s a lot I keep hidden. Not just from blogosphere but everyone. Why? ‘Cause it’s too damn sad. I could write a book on oppression, on emotional and verbal abuse, on anything in that area. I choose not to because I don’t want to read back through thoughts and be reminded of the bullshit.

Right now, I’m being forced into something I don’t really want to do. What this person doesn’t know is that years ago, I went through this and decided it wasn’t for me. I’ve already done this thing but not to the standard that this person wants. So they want me to forget the past five years of my life and go back to where I’ve started. 

I physically cannot do that. 

At this point, clearly, there has to be a compromise, because I’m not about to waste another two years of my life feeling unhappy because someone else wants to dictate my life for me. 

It won’t work. And I’m not willing to spend the money on it. They claim they will but I do not want a single penny from them. Ever. Not when it comes with more nonsense and strings. 

However, finding a compromise is going to be tough and I’m not sure if I can handle it. I know my limit, I know my strengths and the easiest way to ensure that I fail is to force me into something. If I don’t compromise, there’s no way I’m not going to fail. I can’t afford to go back to having no life, nothing else other than what someone else wants me to do. That’s no life. That’s me spacing out twenty four hours a day. That’s me sinking into depression. That’s me just floating away and not wanting to be around anymore. 

That’s shit

I’m close out with some Linkin Park lyrics because it’s appropriate!

Normal service will be resumed shortly.


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