Random Thoughts

seeing cows in texas and the peach incident | Random Thoughts #20

I didn’t write down any random thoughts today, so. Here’s that rambling about Bob post that I was talking about. 

It’s all novel research, I swear. 

Is anybody there? We need to reschedule my Bob intervention. Anyway, I thought it go with a lighter post today. 

If you don’t know who Bob is, he’s a guy that I observe and silently mock on Instagram. He’s the epitome of why I don’t like social media, but in a harmless way. Mostly. I also still don’t get this new version of Instagram. 

I was going through my following list and I remembered that Milo Ventimiglia no longer posts publicly. His complaint was that he was getting too many comments about his acting (… Milo, considering this was before This Is Us, was that really such a bad thing?) and that no one cared about the pictures. I imagine that a lot of photographers feel that way. I used to love his posts, but that was way back in 2012. I quit before he did. 😂 And then I rejoined just to look at Bob’s posts. 

I promise you that it’s just research. And okay, fine, he’s pretty. 

Let’s jump into the title. The random thought was:

Why would you go to a safari in Texas? I’d just go and see the cows. 

I wouldn’t actually go and see the cows, but I never said that my thoughts made sense. Also cows deserve some love too. Why don’t we have cow safaris? 

Also:

Animals are cute until they open their mouths

That’s just mean, no matter how true it is. Shame on me. Cats are cute no matter what!

Anyway, why am I talking about cows? If I’ve posted the previous post, it should say that Bob is in Texas. I haven’t been looking at his videos much, but I ended up on his Instagram again out of guilt. I was watching some of his acting and just laughing. Full on belly laughter. I mean, I did concede that he had improved but it gave me a really good laugh. And then I felt bad because he’s trying. 

You can’t knock someone for trying. 

Unfortunately, his Instagram is still equal parts hilarious and cringe worthy. 

There was:

  • The aforementioned safari – Bob, I want to see the animals, not you panning to your face every five seconds. We know that it’s you making the video, and not only that we can hear you speaking! Fancy that. 
  • His animal baby talk isn’t cute. It’s not the worst, but it was still cringey
  • Gratuitous shirtless pictures – you have a nice body, we get it. 
  • Concert snippets. Why do people do this? It’s actually irritating. Enjoy your concert! This ten second clip isn’t benefiting anyone. At all. 
  • Bob singing along to Creep by REM – which suits him actually, because I am still side eyeing him after the peach incident which I will finally explain. I know you’re excited!
  • Bob letting animal tongue touch him. I. I just can’t. I’m not an animal tongue person.  
  • Vegan donuts – which is desert abomination right there. Sorry vegans. 

In terms of cringe, the whole thing gets 8/10.  

In terms of overanalyzing, I get 10/10 but let’s keep pretending that this is research. I’m going to write a novel about Bob dealing with his incessant need to overshare with Instagram.

Now, onto…

The Peach Incident

The peach incident was this really strange moment (to me at least) in one of Bob’s stories. I think it’s been long enough that no one else will know what I’m talking about. 

  • So, anyway, he’s driving and — despite the fact that I bothered my friend relentlessly with Bob updates, I can’t find verbatim quotes of what he said dammit – rambling, and out of nowhere he bites into a peach and says that he loves eating peaches, and that he can eat them all day.  

It was odd because of the look on his face.I knew that there was something I wasn’t getting, but I was confused as to how him driving and eating fruit was really the time and place for this. Bear in mind that it was around 5am for me. In the same video, there was something about him buying a dozen roses (idk who for). 

  • Side note: I wouldn’t accept a dozen roses from him. I’d probably have to spend an hour filming the perfect moment that he gave me the damn things. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
  • Unless I’m being paid but even then, no. 
  • I can’t believe that people really accept roses for money a la The Bachelor
  • Scratch that, I can

So, the same day or next day, I’m watching Being Mary Jane and one character whips out a peach in order to… show her dude how to… make the most of their alone time, particularly in relation to her (this is still PG! Well, not really. Sorry, I shall tag this post accordingly! 😂).

I was sitting there watching and….

Freaking bingo. 

This is so what Bob meant. 

There’s no way he genuinely loves eating peaches. At least not fruit peaches. It’s a euphemism* and somehow, I knew this, but I didn’t really need the full blown out awareness of it in my life.

I also don’t understand why he doesn’t just focus on the road. This goes out to anyone live broadcasting from their cars. You are the reason why I’m too scared to drive!

Anyway, this became The Peach Incident. Every time I see the word peach, I crack up. It’s a real problem. Peaches have been ruined because I just remember that look on his face, him biting into it and I start laughing to myself. 

If you see someone laughing at peaches outside, it’s probably me. 

Anyway, this entire post is about Bob, so here are some more random thoughts about him. Say what you want about him but he really brings out the best of me in terms of snark. If I posted half of what I say about his posts on his actual posts, I’d be blocked LOL. Or I’d recuse myself from his Instagram. 

Some highlights:

My face when I saw Bob’s earring, oh my god. At least get a nice earring, idk what that thing was.

I think I called it a struggle earring. LOL. 

I got a notification for a Bob post and I was just like, there’s no point in clicking it because it’ll be gone within two mins. Lo and behold….

Guess he has more airbrushing to do. I respect that.

I do! Being that pretty requires editing. I should know, I’m too lazy to do it and my pictures aren’t pretty. 

when I watch TV shows and something super embarrassing happens, I have to pause it and physically leave the room. That’s basically what I do with his videos. 

LMAO. It’s true. And I usually watch his videos at 5am so it’s just me cracking up in near darkness and trying not stumble over my shoes while I escape.

…. Yeah, I need to get a better hobby. 

*You know, I think it not being a euphemism would be even weirder than the actual video. So I’m choosing to believe that he meant it that way. Yes. Bye. I’m going to go and read all of these posts back and remind myself why we don’t focus on semi semi-famous people anymore.