male model heaven | Random Thoughts #22

First of all, the bullet point layout is so much easier! How does it look? Stupid? Y/n/you don’t care?

Secondly:

I am in male model heaven

In my defence, I was a little grossed out that I even thought that, but at any rate it’s true.

  • Bob’s PR (I can tell when it’s not him writing the captions, because everything looks like a normal human being wrote it) posted a thing about a thing
  • I clicked on the tag and et voila. Models galore
  • I’m going to spend an hour perusing through it, just because it’s been a hard week. I need this. 😂

I am like a pathetic little fangirl

  • You know when you know your behaviour is irrational but you can’t help it? Yeah. That. 
  • Anyway, is it bad that my first thought was, ‘aw, he has something to do!’
  • Obviously, he’s way busier than me, so it’s just me being a bitch. I can accept that. He’s working with a major designer (as he has done in the past so yeah, he’s not some lazy person).
  • I got bored after ten minutes or so because it was just a bunch of white guys
  • Cute white guys, but still
  • Diversity in modelling is still a wish more than reality, huh?
  • Also I still can’t take Bob seriously. 
  • Someone posted video and he’s the first model, and he turns to look at the camera I was just like, ‘NO. NOPE BYE.’ LOL. Unserious motherflocker (I’m trying not to be crude!). 
  • I sat through his story and there was eye rolling (of course) and shock when he was like, ‘this is my hotel, come and say hi’ dude, whaaaat. But that was nice of him I guess. 
  • He has nice sunglasses

Writing update

  • Starting a sequel
  • I have 39393399 unfinished projects
  • Starting another one just made sense
  • I need a prompt for a short story. Any suggestions?
  • Writing done on Friday: 0
  • Writing some on Saturday: we’ll see

Fashion

  • Speaking of modelling
  • I don’t really get fashion
  • I mean, high street stuff is fine. I can pick out a cute top or whatever
  • Watching a bunch of people wear ugly shit and walk in a line is just baffling
  • And okay, some of the clothes are nice but so much of it is ugly
  • So so so so so so ugly
  • It’s not art, it’s just ugly

    It’s not just me

    • Otherwise known as validation
    • It’s nice when other people agree with us
    • Not necessarily healthy, but nice
    • The thing is that, it’s dangerous. If you need someone to agree with you to be confident in your opinion then it won’t work
    • I’m kind of a fuck validation kinda girl but I look for it all the time
    • Sometimes I find it, sometimes I don’t
    • Often it doesn’t matter anyway, because I learn to live with my opinion. 

        I write so I don’t forget

        • Social media is kind of weird
        • I prefer Twitter above else because you can always easily read back what you wrote
        • Snapchat is basically watching something that you’ll forget
        • Instagram is sort of the same
        • So if I want to remember something, I’ll have to scribble a little note somewhere
        • This is my explanation for Bob, I used to roast him with my friend and just got into the habit just before I started boring you guys to tears, lol!
        • My memory is weird
        • Often I will remember the strangest things, I can more or less remember article, shows and books word for word, but something you told me five minutes ago? Nope. 

          My time is not my own

          • Weekends are my free time but they’re anything but 
          • I wish I lived by myself
          • I don’t mind chipping in, but people are selfish and don’t care about my time
          • I am expected to jump up a million times a day if necessary
          • It’s exhausting. 

            Random Thoughts

            • I just read through all 21 (plus a couple extra and they’re not as bad as I thought they would be
            • It does sound like I am obsessed with Bob, but anyway….Lol.

            That’s all for today!

            Time-Bomb Ticking Away [song of the week]


            Just when you thought you’ve seen it all
            A storm awaits behind the door
            Disgruntled right down to the core
            We still go on

            ~

            Watching the time bomb ticking away
            Watching the time bomb nobody cares ’till it’s too late
            Watching the time bomb ticking away
            Watching the time bomb you better pray you’re somewhere safe

            ~

            Oh, we got a time bomb ticking away inside
            And the only way to make us laugh is to make us cry

            [Billy Talent, Time-Bomb Ticking Away]

            Give Me A Sign (#SOCS)

            Forever – and ever
            the scars will remain

            I always like to think that I’m this closed book, but lately I’ve figured out that I’m not. I’m sort of the goofy, quirky, hapless girl who’s always laughing. However, I’m not always laughing on the inside. I’m barely laughing on the inside. In fact most of the time I’m in a constant state of despair on the inside.

            Usually, when I’m in a downward spiral, I get the usual signs. Increased blogging. Check. Lack of constant writing. Check. Low motivation. Check. Low mood. Check. Fatigue. Check. Procrastination. Double check. Fixation (some of y’all can attest to this one). In some ways, the signs make it easy for to figure out why I feel the way I do, but in another sense, it’s bullshit.

            By the time I’ve overcome that, I say to myself, let’s take time to just be. Less sad, of tired, whatever. By the time I’ve done that, the cycle starts all over again. 

            Anyway, I think all of this kind of bleeds out in my personality. The snark, the cynicism, the sarcasm, dry wit, the fact that I turn everything into a joke. I am probably the epitome of old man yells at cloud, but it’s how I deal.

            Anyway, if there was a sign I’d use to represent myself, it’s the caution sign.

            For several reasons.

            1. Not everyone can handle my sense of humour. Often, I’m being facetious when I speak but maybe it’s too deadpan. People take offence and it doesn’t end well.
            2. I’m an idiot (no really I am) and thus makes me annoying at times.
            3. It’s unlikely that you’ll ever fully know the real me.

            To expand on three, I’m at the point where I’m not going to tell certain people candid details about my life. If that makes me fake or whatever, so be it. Often people who seek this knowledge don’t have your best interests at heart. They store it and use it whenever they want to get one over you. Suddenly, that insecurity you shared is being used to make you feel even more insecure and it works. That kind of thing stays with you, or it’s stayed with me.

            Like the lyrics at the start of the post state, forever and ever, the scars will remain, but, you know what? Fuck anyone who isn’t happy with the way I am.

            Unfortunately for them, I’m non-refundable and I don’t do exchanges. 😎

            ~

            This is my entry for this weeks #SOCS, details of which can be found here!

            Lyrics are from Give Me A Sign by Breaking Benjamin. It’s worth a listen if you haven’t heard it already!