Night time anxiety, y’all.
The worst kind.
Today I’m wondering why I have such a big problem replying comments. If you’ve noticed that I reply at odd times or somewhat infrequently – you’re observant. I have to be in the correct mood to reply comments otherwise it won’t happen.
It’s a byproduct of something that I went through years ago. There’s nothing like a group of people nitpicking every word just to belittle you or bring you down. Now, I was no shrinking violet. I held my own and defended myself but what no one tells you is that defending yourself gets exhausting after a while. It’s a lot of energy that could be used elsewhere. So eventually I just started keeping my mouth shut. The amount of time I type up comments and then hit backspace and breathe easy is crazy.
Anyway, when you’re opinionated, this is what happens, but still. I just want to comment without the internal monologue or second guessing myself. I’m tired of just writing lol instead of this is so great omg let me babble at you.
I miss that crazy girl that didn’t care what people said.
Except, she didn’t really exist.
I cared, of course, I did, I’m not a sociopath.
However, my mistake was engaging in the bullshit.
So, here’s what I’d do differently.
I’d say, you guys are a bunch of fucking morons and I refuse to waste my time arguing with non intelligent people.
It’s true. You can’t fix stupid, you can’t undo ignorance. It’s futile. There’s no point in arguing with people, especially not online.
That being said, I don’t think that fear of reproach ever goes away. The number of times I tell people to say what they want before realising that I don’t follow my own advice is astounding, but a weird oddity that I now have to deal with.
Some days I’m the loudest voice, sometimes just the sight of a reply button sends me into a panic.
That’s just life.
Weird, unpredictable and all kinds of crazy.