an overly self-conscious clown | Random Thoughts #26 (Jul 3rd – 9th)

I wore bright purple lipstick on Monday. Bright red lipstick on Tuesday. Glittery lilac eyeliner on Monday, black eyeliner on Tuesday. Black mascara on both days. After a week of not wearing make up it feels weird. I feel like some kind of overly self-conscious clown. Maybe I need subtle make up now. Dark eyeliner, dark lipstick. Or just lipgloss and nothing else. Why do I need make up at all? It’s so hot at work that I’m convinced it just melts off anyway. However, I see too many people for me to feel comfortable without doing anything to my face.

You know how it is. 

You wear make up and you get you look nice today. 

You don’t wear make up and you get you look tired.

I try to throw on eyeliner and lipstick to avoid those comments. 

Sometimes I still get them. 

Most of the time I just feel really weird. Like people are looking at me and judging my poor application skills. 

Left alone to me, I wouldn’t bother with any of it. Don’t get me wrong, I like make up, but it isn’t my life. I don’t need three coats of war paint to step outside. Although, sometimes I find myself doing that just to buy food and I look at myself and I think, ‘Gurl, what the fuck are you doing? This is a waste of perfectly good make up. And time.’

I waste twenty minutes putting it on when it takes less time to get to the shop. I could be on my way already. Where’s the logic? Yet, I keep doing it. At least it’s summer now so I can hide behind sunglasses. 

I’ve accepted that I have a sort of weird look in that I look sort of… uh, young. I have a very youthful face. I am not pretty or anything like that, but I’m not hideous. I don’t take great pictures but I think I look better in real life, lol. It’s either that or I wrap my face in gauze, so just go with it. 

However, I feel like make up on me looks like when a kid finds their mother’s make up and goes crazy. I look like I’ve been experimenting with that and I just happened to leave the house like that. My eyebrows are messed up. My eyeliner is wonky. My lipstick is always running off my face. I’m everything that one of those contour videos on YouTube isn’t. 

Messy, imperfect, flawed. 

Oily combination skin just makes everything worse. I always end up with panda eyes. I feel like it all sweats off me until I get home and it won’t come off. I’ll use cleaner, toner, coconut oil but nothing removes make up like sleep does. 

Say a prayer for my poor pillow. 

Anyway, all of that aside….

I got a notification for a live thing on Instagram and it was from the Backstreet Boys. I’ve watched some of their stories and it’s literally the same thing everyday. With that in mind, I clicked on it and it was basically some kind of weird after party thing? I have no idea what it was but they were playing THE SAME SONGS that pop up on their stories. All very annoying songs. It must be Top 40 kinda music because I hate all of it. I watched it for about five minutes before my sanity restored itself and I clicked out of it.

Contrast that to my Canadian husbands who posted a soundcheck to their story. A sound check that was mostly of the backstage area. It wasn’t flashy, it wasn’t even that long but it was perfect because it was just so normal. 

You’ll be pleased to note that I haven’t been on Instagram for a few days, though. Occasionally it happens! I wonder what Bob is up to. Probably adding to his shirtless picture collection on Dropbox or wherever he keeps them. Y’all know there’s a folder somewhere. I can’t be bothered to look. I’m trying to keep my Instagram use to weekend only. I’ll miss seeing Bob’s mundanity, but it’s for the best. 

Plus, I’m so behind on everything anyway because my internet was down for a full twelve hours. Shocking. I managed to write a whole Random Thoughts post in one sitting. Kind of like this one, but not this one. Lol! 

Or not because this is me adding more. I clicked on Bob’s thing out of frustration (just go with it) and it was him practising in an empty room again. I had the video on mute but I’m sure he said that he was ‘back at it’. 

Bob. I fully respect your right to post whatever mundane shit you want to. I even sort of respect your fondness of your own shirtlessness. What I don’t respect is you posting the same fucking shit over and over and over. At least change the angles. Throw some glitter everywhere. Or you know, go about your day without needing to inform Insta that you’re doing something. 

Although, I guess I can’t talk because I have a blog full of nonsense but still I need Bob to just focus on being pretty. And maybe he could hang out with his cute friend more. That’s it. All of the extra is unnecessary. 

This post spans my entire weekend because I checked out a few stories. I clicked on Kevin Richardson’s and it was looooooooong. I had to click out of it after a minute. I looked at Bob’s and it was surprisingly dead. I just realised that he’s barely posted all week. This is good for me because it means that I’ve barely been on Insta. I forgive Bob for his earlier snafu. Well. Not really. 

Moving on, I posted a story (fiction, not Insta) this week that was terrible but people liked it and I basically hid under a rock. I hate compliments. I have a post on that somewhere. Yeah. 

So. I have no idea when I’m going to post this, but it’s a new week so I shall create a new Random Thoughts post. 

Love and peace, people. 

ETA: finally posting it!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s