the land of bob | Random Thoughts #31

Y’all get a Bob special because I have nothing interesting to say. Or I had nothing interesting to say until I sat down to write this. If you’re new here, we’ll just pretend that Bob is… someone who I know but not really. If you’re not new here – I’m sorry
This post will also feature actual random thoughts, though! Apparently Bob is now a weird memory lane trigger. Huzzah!

Damn, I wanted to see who that man was

– when Bob isn’t even the interesting part of his own video.

Are those things moose?

I think they were deer. Is moose the plural of moose? And now I remember my book of animals from when I was a kid. I think it was a gift for my tenth birthday. It must be on my mother’s bookshelf somewhere. I used to love reading it…Along with the Weetabix altlas that I used to cherish. I used to memorise the list of countries for each continent. Yeah, I was a nerdy kid. 

Anyway, back to Sir Bob. 

Funny story. I mentioned a few posts back that I figured out how to save his videos (the way the stories feature works is that they all play in a row and that was overwhelming. Especially when Bob can have eighteen different parts at one time). So I saved a whole bunch last week when I was really angry due to work. Bob time is usually when I’m bored or can’t sleep so I figured I’d watch them later. 

Didn’t watch a single one. 

I looked at the pictures, deleted those, and moved on. I haven’t saved any since. In a way, I think the best thing is that I can play each video separately and I can avoid whatever looks extra cringey. 

Which is most of it.

Anyway, right now we have a picture of sunglasses. 

Nice sunglasses. Wait… how many pairs does he have? It’s like a revolving door of shades.

At this point, I’m convinced that he has a walk-in closet of shades. Theyre always different. 

Forehead wrinkles are no joke

Apparently, Bob is ’embracing’ his. 

We’ll see how true that is in ten years time. Bob is usually always very well put together unless he’s going for that staged bedhead look. Dr Botox is in his future. I’m joking, I’m joking. Kinda. KINDA. 

Wait, he’s ON THE HORSE? No, no, no and no. 

So, after a long day of shopping (mostly window shopping with someone else so I was fine and not panicking because people), I sat down to watch something. My tablet crashed so I decided to watch the saved videos I mentioned above because Bob has nothing up at the moment. Nothing. I ended up missing all the ones from yesterday but I don’t care about that. There’s nothing now. Its weird when I have a video up and Bob doesn’t. I barely post anything!

I’m sure he will back. How will he survive without updating us on his thrilling activities?!

Anyway, so the first video I clicked on was of Bob riding a horse. That makes sense, the pictures from that day were of him on a horse. That’s fine, except this is Bob filming himself while on the horse. Like, one hand is free and everything just so he can hold up his (probably bedazzled with a picture of him on the back) phone and make multiple videos. I backclicked so fast that I felt like I was the one riding a horse.

Why?

Just ride the damn horse and enjoy it. 

Or come up with interesting commentary. He was just talking about whatever. I wasn’t even listening. 

Speaking of horses….

I went horseback riding one time and they gave me the most temperamental horse. By that I mean it was batshit crazy. They called him Trojan, that’s how crazy he was. There I was, all of ten years old, completely terrified by my horse apparently chasing the other horses while I was on it. Anyway, can you imagine if that was today and I was live videoing it. I’d probably have a cast or two by the end of the day. Hell, I’d be a meme. 

I think that’s enough about real Bob. As you can see that intervention is working out great! 

Here’s a little more of the story about imaginary! Bob. The first part is here somewhere and the second is here somewhere. 

iii

Three days after he made an anonymous call to the police, a small article hit the local paper’s website. The picture was one of his, some free shot of the beach that he allowed them to use. The headline read: ‘Unidentified body’ on the beach. The text under was textbook police guff about an investigation being carried out. 

With a weary shake of his head, Bob forwarded the message to his friend Tim and added, ‘bet they won’t do anything!’. 

Tim’s response was quick and to the point: “why do you care?”

That question, despite its flippant nature, made Bob think. 

Why did he care? After all, he didn’t stick around to make sure that the cops found the body. All he did was make a phone call. Why was it that he wanted to know more? He wanted to know why that person ended up there. How they ended up there. 
There was also the small matter of the picture he’d taken haunting his mind like an errant shadow, always in frame but just off to the side. Visible and fading at the same time.

Still, what did he know? He wasn’t a detective. He didn’t know the first thing about bodies and the police hadn’t released a treasure trove of details. 

There wasn’t much he could do. 

Dun dun dunnnnnn. 

Oh and Bob did finally post something and it was…a woman dragging her bag on the floor in some kind of public place with the caption ‘classy!’. Well. I watched it three times and I think that’s what he took issue with. I am confused by Bob 99.9% of the time. However, it was odd that this woman was just dragging her bag like that. LOL.

But yeah…

You know how sometimes we see something and we think that’s just wrong but at the same time, it’s not that deep and not hurting anybody? 

The appropriate response is to keep our phones in our pockets and mind our business. 

-htbs

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