I just want to wish everyone a good day, evening, morning, afternoon or whatever it is where you are. Martians – if you exist, this one goes out to you too.
I hope that your day doesn’t suck and that don’t you don’t get run over by any tearaway cyclists or cut off by some dickhead who’s too busy texting to watch the road. I hope that those pesky pedestrians don’t get in the way.
For those of you who take public transplant during rush hour or peak times – commiserations. You’ll get through it, you always do. Elbow anyone if necessary. Soft elbows, though. Snark doesn’t condone actual violence.
I hope that work was good, and if it isn’t, once again, commiserations. If you’re not at work, I hope that you have a pleasant day and enjoy your weekend.
Spend time with friends, family or yourself if that’s your thing. Have fun and try to stay positive. North Korea and the US haven’t blown each other up yet. We’re still here and we still get to kick ass. So let’s do it well. Whatever the heck that means.
If you’re wondering if I’ve had a personality transplant, I haven’t. I’m just trying to win back some good karma. After a week of crippling stomach pain and headaches, I seem to have contracted some kind of flu.
The kind where each sneeze reminds my back that its best friend is pain.
I also fell asleep during Lie To Me and had a dream that the main character was a professor who lived in a cabin in the woods. I also dreamt that someone tried to bottle his roommate with a plastic Coca-Cola bottle and got whacked on the head with a pot for his trouble. Someone filmed it and the video went viral. At least until I woke up and realised that apparently I’m viral and my disease is making up things in my head. I literally asked someone if it was real because I was so convinced that I was awake. Awkward.
After waking up, I went to go get coffee. I picked up the coffee box and somehow it feel on my head. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I put it down after that. Of course then I managed to spill coffee everywhere. The cloth I use to wipe up spillage wasn’t there. I spent five minutes wondering what to do with it. I was slightly delirious. It was strange.
This stretch of bad luck has got to end some time and hey, I can be nice!
Have a nice day!
[snarky closing comments redacted]