This is the (I’m sure) long awaited follow up to How To Write An Unpopular Blog.
I’ve gone from 120 followers to about 210 since the post. I’m pretty sure that I lost some along the way too. Oh well!
In this post, I will provide strategies for keeping your follower count low and your posts virtually unread.
1. Continue to follow advice given by popular bloggers.
Popular bloggers are experts in their field. Never mind that they may have a social media account with thousands of followers compared with your two hundred. Never mind that they have a shiny domain that’s more like to come up in Google. Never mind that it is all about luck. Listen to them. I guarantee results.
You might think that I’m just being dismissive but I did the whole engage with other people thing this week and it was EXHAUSTING. Imagine doing that every day. I can’t.
The most common tip seems to be comment on a million people’s blogs to get a million comments back.
It’s bullshit. Trust me. I was once in a very popular community and I did that for a year to raise my own viewership. Didn’t work. And then I stopped commenting on other people’s stuff and focused on my own and one day, y’all, one day. The skies opened and I went from being ignored to developing an aversion to comments that still haunts me to this day.
You’ve been warned!
2. Schedule your posts.
Every time I schedule a post it receives significantly less likes and attention than the ones I just post whenever. You heard it here first, scheduling is an effective way to stay unpopular.
3. Increase the number of times you post per week
…. It’s self-explanatory really. The more you post, the more content there is for people to ignore. If they weren’t reading your weekly update, they’re definitely not going to read your daily updates! Quick maths, people.
4. Assign random names to the people you talk about and make multiple posts that nobody but your one regular reader can follow.
I’ve found that this works very well. It’s like having a character blog, but instead it’s just a wildly unpopular blog instead. Any random person popping along won’t have a clue who Bob is. You probably don’t know who Bob is. See?
5. Forget to read other people’s blogs
Look. I try to read whatever comes up in my reader, but that thing is obviously rigged. Typically it’s occupied by the same five people out of the hundred or so that I follow. That’s not my problem and it’s not yours either. Just keeping using the reader and then no one will see that you’ve liked their posts (because you haven’t) and they will return the favour. See how easy it is!
If you’re like me, you have email notifications set up. If you’re like me you regret not turning them off because you have tens of thousands of unread emails. If you’re still like me, you ignore virtually all of it.
Keep being like me.
6. Write another (slightly less) passive aggressive blog post about your unpopularity
I think you get this one.
That, my friends, is how to maintain your unpopular blog.
You heard it here first.