I AM SO TIRED.
Just thought I’d let you know that.
Okay so, before we start, I feel like I need to give these people names. Or remind you who I’m talking about.
The blogging may not always be constant, but the awkwardness is. Always.
AM = Awkward Manager, who is a an awkward manager that manages to make me feel uncomfortable every time I see him.
Unc = older guy that is giving off weird vibes and quite possibly has the WRONG idea about me.
Good Friend: Someone who might be losing the good very soon.
That Guy: Well.
This guy (Unc) at my work is making me feel SUPER uncomfortable.
First it started with Unc saying he liked my personality and then, he pointed me out to another dude who now also gives me weird vibes. I feel as if he’s always looking at me. There’s just a weirdness that I can’t explain. It may all be in my head but…
Recently, Unc came up to me and said, “Don’t be offended, but how old are you?”
I didn’t want to answer (when you’re older than 23, answering that question just makes you feel sad. It’s true) and I said, “how old do I look?” He was like, “I don’t know, just answer.”
Listen, Uncle, I’m going to need you to back the fuck up.
I told him in the end because I wanted him to go away. He was just like, ‘okay’ and when I asked him why he was dismissive and wandered off somewhere.
On a normal day, I would have rolled my eyes and called him a twat in my head, but I’d already cried once and I was feeling like shit. That conversation just made me feel worse. I had to make a hasty retreat once it was time to go. I just wanted to get out of there. It just got me thinking about how he randomly grabbed my shoulders one time and the vibe he’s been sending me of late.
I don’t know how to tell someone that this bus station is closed when it wasn’t open to begin with.
So, instead, I panicked. I have been blanking him. Literally avoiding him which is hard to do, but I’ve managed it. I will eventually start talking to him but perhaps I’ve given off the wrong impression somehow. I’ve hugged him a few times. Usually after he complimented me but… ugh. He’s like an uncle figure to me. Just. No. Never.
Plus he was also getting involved in other people’s business which is made me side-eye him. Like… really?
Anyway, me being me, I feel so guilty for blanking him. I will probably stop because it’s making me feel really shitty. In an ideal world, I’d tell him that his question was inappropriate and unnecessary, but he’s older than me and in my culture that’s rude. Having that instilled in me is annoying sometimes. I think I should go full British and be honest.
Oi, mate, leave it, yeah?
Ugh. Why can’t things just be simple?
In other news, I am finding myself getting annoyed with someone (Good Friend). This is what I do. I become good friends with someone and they annoy me and I fuck it all up. Anyway, some minor things – they are in favour of Awkward Manager when everyone else is not. Okay, that’s petty. I just feel like something has changed but I can’t be bothered to figure out what, so…I am just distancing myself slowly.
I feel like sometimes, when you become friends with someone you overlook certain things or you don’t realise. By the time you’ve been friends long enough not to be worried about getting along, you start to see certain things. Maybe we just annoy the shit out of each other. Maybe something else is going on. I don’t know. It’s just getting too awkward for me.
I’m laid back. If I sense weirdness or hostility I will ignore it until I physically can’t. I don’t think that’s a good way to deal with things, though. I am also that person with a very dry, snarky sense of humour. I feel like people like that until it’s directed at them. Or they have a threshold limit. I can be annoying, so fair play if that’s what’s happening.
What I can’t stand is awkwardness.
Last week, Good Friend was giving me the ‘gossip’ at work and as she was talking, I was just wondering… why? Why are we doing this? Do I really care? She mentioned that someone in HR had been telling her stuff. Slow your roll, sister. If someone in HR is telling you stuff – you should probably keep that to yourself. At the end of the day, who gives a shit? Keep me out of it.
I think she realised this halfway through the conversation because she suddenly couldn’t tell me things because they were about other people. Again, why did she say anything at all? She also kept saying she’d heard something about someone that I don’t have an issue with.
The main issue for me is that when you come across people like this, it’s hard to tell them stuff and feel comfortable. I told her something* today and instead of having my back like I did when she had her own issue, she was dismissive. To the point where I was sort of arguing my point when it was a case of X happened and this is how I feel about. Not this is your perception of something that you didn’t even see.
It took another person, who was there and ended up hearing what I was saying (won’t make that mistake again) to sort of say, well if this is making you uncomfortable, then yeah, that’s not okay.
That’s all I needed to hear. Instead of feeling like I need to defend myself when someone else freaking touched me in a weird place.
*The something: basically, AM touched me TWICE. By touch, I mean on my freaking backside. Twice. With no apology. And I don’t see how he didn’t know what he did. If I felt it, there’s no way that he didn’t. The same thing happened a while ago now and that time, I made the point of turning around and sort of looking at him expectantly until he apologized. This time, I didn’t do that so maybe that’s my bad. The first time (on this day) I was extremely uncomfortable and I told the aforementioned friend. The second time I just kept it moving because I thought maybe I was just being dramatic.
I got home and I thought about it and dramatic or not, it doesn’t mean I have to be okay with something like that.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think it was intentional but for the love of Chris Hemsworth, DO NOT TOUCH ME FROM BEHIND. Only a few people have that privilege. No shoulder rubs, no accidental butt touches, just no. Ick.
Anyway, yeah, luckily for me, I’m fine. It’s not a big deal.
I’m actually more offended by Good Friend and her reaction. She said I should say something ‘if I’m uncomfortable’. Girl…She had an issue with another manager and I never once said to her, oh I’m sure he doesn’t mean it and CONFRONT HIM DIRECTLY. I had her back 100%.
Telling AM that he keeps touching me is the worst suggestion ever.
1. Am I a fucking idiot? I need this job, lol.
2. How is that supposed to make me feel better? I’ve already said I don’t think he’s doing it on purpose but I think I’m allowed to feel like someone shouldn’t be touching me.
3. This is why I don’t talk to people.
4. She claims that she doesn’t like to be touched but when it’s me with the complaints, I guess I’m just being silly.
For now, I think I’m going to keep my distance. With all three of these people. My ass, my pride and my ability to express myself need a break from the bullshit, lol.