Continued on from how I feel.
Wednesday 21st March 2018
Today was an absolute example of epic failure. Everything that happened was my fault for being stupid. And forgetful (which was progress…that’s undone any more progress).
I saw him when That Guy when he came in and I have no idea, but, I forgot that I am not talking to him. So I waved. I’m a waver. Some people hate it, but it’s a social anxiety thing. Waving is like saying hi without having to say hi.
Halfway through the wave I was like shiiit what are you doing, so I dropped my hand and give him a blank look and merely nodded when he asked if I was okay. He seemed to find this amusing.
I wonder if he’d find the way I want to punch him annoying.
When I saw him next time I blanked him entirely. Not a word. Not a peep. That wasn’t my plan, but I was just like fuck it. He kept on smiling at me and laughing at what not and I was just wondering what the fuck he was on. I didn’t react at all. I was just ignoring him, doing my own thing.
Unfortunately for me, TG’s his friend/colleague was around and he started talking to me. He asked how I was etc. Out of nowhere, That Guy insered himself into the conversation and said that I’m not happy with him at the moment and that I look like I want to hurt him so he was watching his back etc.
Mate, who asked you?
He was joking, but I looked at him, and said, ‘I’m not, don’t worry’. Someone is feeling themselves a bit too much. I didn’t say anything to him after that. He was still being really annoying so I left him to it.
Thursday 22nd March 2018
Today, he came down and he was around, making noise as per usual. I didn’t say anything to him because I was as far away as possible. However, I could hear him saying hello to everyone, all exaggerated and loud. I was just looking at him like ‘dude…’ but I didn’t say anything. I went about my business.
At one point, I walked past him because it was unavoidable. I didn’t acknowledge his presence at all until he said something to me, I can’t remember what. Maybe how’s it going or you’re not going to say anything? It was something annoying.
I turned to talk to him and we had this conversation.
Him: How’s everything going?
Me: I’m good, you?
Him: You still look like you’re angry with me *laughs*
Me: This is my normal face.
Him: No, it’s not, usually there’s a smile
Me: I never smile
Him: Yes, you do
Me: I really don’t
Him: You do!
At this point I start laughing with him. I made the mistake of looking up and I could see these two people watching us talk (they know a little about the situation) and that made me laugh.
Still, I suppose it broke the ice for the serious part of the conversation.
Him: What’s the problem? Why are you upset with me?
Me: You know what you did.
After that, he apologised again and said that he didn’t mean to [do what he did]. He said that he’s got a lot of stress blah, blah, blah. I said to him that everyone does. He didn’t seem to believe that. He said that he’ll tell me a little bit about it. I just said okay so I could be on my way. I already know that he’s full of shit, lol. He’s not going to tell me anything nor am I really interested.
I wish I’d said more, but at this point, who even cares? This all happened a month ago now. I still have some more juice in my ignoremeter but, once that dries up, I’ll just go with the flow.
One thing is certain. This bus stop is closed. I have no idea why I’m referring to myself as a bus stop, but apparently, I am. LOL.
Thank you to anyone who’s been following this sorry saga. I blog about it for myself really, to make sense it all…. I’ll get back to you when that actually happens.