mixed signals #5

Following on from the FOURTH PART (sigh).

On Tuesday I saw Dumb-Dumb again. The nerve of this fool. I was probably being petty but I asked him if he’d calmed down. His face was a picture. He said he was good. He apologized because apparently I seemed upset in the last few voice notes (I was pretty pissed off although in the last one I was cool). I played it off and shrugged it off – if he was truly sorry he would have apologized before.

I asked him about my friend – Arthur – just to see if he’d be honest. Obviously, he wasn’t; I suspect that his manager has been telling him stuff (yay for work gossip). He was lying his ass off when he was saying that he’s ‘observed’ things. 

My friend hasn’t helped himself, but at this point it’s not worth getting upset over. I have absolved myself of the situation. The only reason why I said anything was because (apparently) Dumb-Dumb was being weird with Arthur and not in my name, lol. They can beef over shit that doesn’t involve me. 

He insisted that he was still talking to my Arthur (I know for a fact that he didn’t after our argument), but that he wouldn’t hang out with him as a friend or anything like (is this crèche or are we at work? I wouldn’t hang out with half of these people either and I have no problem with them. WHO CURRS).

I said as much – that I probably wouldn’t hang out with my friend either (I didn’t mean it in a bad way, some friends you just don’t hang out with. Especially if you’re antisocial like me LOL). Anyway, unfortunately, I walked right into it because Dumb-Dumb was like, ‘Oh, would you hang out with me?’

I think I told him to stop trying to mess with me and why he would even ask me that, but unfortunately I was laughing (force of habit). Still, apparently nothing I said over the weekend sank into his tiny brain.

Wednesday

I didn’t even say anything to him. I figured out that he thrives on attention so I decided not to give him any. Of course, that means he ended up talking to me. I said hi and he asked if I was okay and I said yes. He said that I didn’t look it and that I look like I want to [fight]. I get that a lot, so I was just like, I should fight you. He laughed it off, but he looked embarrassed. Rightly so.

I saw him a bit later and it was so awkward. Someone told me that I’m making it awkward and maybe I am. I am a very awkward person. I don’t mean to be, but I am.

Anyway, awkwardness aside, I find it hard to be around him in front of other people. When it’s just us talking it’s fine, but when other people are around I feel very uncomfortable. It might be a case of prying eyes, I don’t know. So when I bumped into him but I said nothing. A few minutes later, I gave him a really bad fake smile – to loosen the tension – and he was like, “Don’t try faking it!” which made me laugh, and then we made some small talk before he left.

Obviously, I am trying to be civil but not too civil. I don’t think I’m succeeding. I’m making it way too easy. 

Friday

Another day, another slightly awkward moment. This one was all on me. I had slept a grand total of one hour the previous night. I was exhausted. Exhausted. So, I’m about to get on the elevator when I see one closing and guess who’s in it? Dumb-Dumb. He was looking right at me so I had no choice but to wave and smile a little. He waves back and thankfully the doors close. I was facepalming two seconds later when my friend wisely asked me what I was doing. That was all on me. I should have just not acknowledged him at all.

The only reason why I am is that I can’t take anymore of the pointless what did I do and are you going to keep giving me this look back and forth.

That being said, why the fuck am I giving him time of day? After everything? Forget liking someone else – I’m not upset about that, it’s that he thinks that’s an acceptable explanation for everything. He was blanking me because I thought it was going to be something else…? When did I decide this? We haven’t spoken properly since February. It’s kind of insulting to be told that I was making things awkward when I did nothing. 

At this point, I feel stupid for even talking to him. Utterly stupid. I can’t think of one rational reason why I’m still talking to him.  I can think of some irrational ones…

Anyway, after writing this up, I think he’s earned himself some silent treatment. He’s literally making a fool out of me for whatever reason and I’m letting him. 

Enough of that noise. 


So, that’s it. Everything else won’t be in a long post like this. I wrote this purely because I needed it out of my head. It’s out and hopefully I can let it go. Thank you to anyone who’s read along. 💜

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