the truth hurts (5)

TL;DR: After I read Dumb-Dumb’s message, I realised why he was much angrier on Wednesday than he was on Monday. His girlfriend may have broken up with him, because of something a friend of mine told her. 

In all of this, the girlfriend is the one that I felt for. Dumb-Dumb thinks that I’m jealous or upset and while he did lead me on, he was correct about one thing. We didn’t have any intimate conversations. Our friendship was a weird one characterised by our mutual inability to say what we feel.

Oh and the part where he said he didn’t like me and then proceeded to play mind games upon mind games. He would hint at things, but never say them outright. I would act a certain way, knowing that it would go nowhere on my part. 

I think I never got over the initial situation because halfway through, he came back and he was trying to make it seem like I was overreacting. 

Each time, he would do that in some way shape or form and I have no idea why. To mess with me? Certainly, he got something out of it. Attention, probably. Even these past few weeks, I would pull away and he would try to get my attention each time.

People noticed that we weren’t talking, but it’s all me, right? 

Is it any wonder that I snapped?

Anyway. The girlfriend. I think I posted her story. She was in a long term relationship with someone who also works with us, but they split a few months ago. 

The same week I found out about her and Dumb-Dumb, the rumours about her sleeping around were spreading and the latest guy was Dumb-Dumb. Someone else also asked her out and took pleasure in sharing the fact that she knocked him back (I probably shouldn’t have told Dumb-Dumb that…). 

One of the guys this girl was linked to is my good friend, G. I told G everything that Dumb-Dumb did and said – and he said he would speak to the girlfriend. I have no idea what he said to her, but while my messages were down, he got back to me and said that he’d spoken to her and that she wasn’t going to be talking to Dumb-Dumb anymore.

Wait, whaaaat? I mean, at this point, Dumb-Dumb is a loser and that girl deserves better, but if they like each other – they like each other. All I wanted was for her to be aware of what was being said because I was tired of hearing about it. I also wanted her boyfriend to not equate my kindness to my willingness to be the third party in their relationship.

I have never felt so bad in my life. I guess I didn’t stop to think that there would be a break up because I wasn’t even sure if they were really seeing each other. 

Dumb-Dumb was really angry on Friday, more so than Thursday, and I didn’t say anything to him. I didn’t want that smoke, lol. For some reason I wanted to laugh so badly. Nervous laughter. 

I didn’t even find it funny. It’s just that his message really didn’t hurt me at all. I was praying that he wouldn’t say anything to me because it would not have gone well…even now, I have a cold detached feeling about it all. Mostly. 

I feel bad for him. I told G and he was like why? I don’t know. I really don’t. Probably because my anger died after I sent those strong worded messages. 

After that, I was done. Had to recharge myself for three days. That anger was some bad shit. Just terrible. I had to get it out. Unfortunately, that meant I said some things I’m not proud of. I would apologize, but I don’t think it’s for the best. 

I apologized to Dumb-Dumb a week before this happened for my outburst. I explained that I was annoyed, but that wasn’t how to handle it. It took less than a week for it to be null and void. We’re back to square one. 

I’m still detecting fuckery. If he can’t work his magic with the girlfriend, oh boy…he is coming for me. I can feel it. 

I’m not even mad at him. I still have the slightest soft spot for him even though he’s treated me poorly – even just as a friend.

He wants to act like I’m delusional now, but other people have said this to me. I’m sure some of you on this blog have said it. My friends have. People that don’t even work with us anymore have said it.

I was literally the person who always defended him. Just two weeks ago, I was telling people not to judge him based on what he’s done to me…

At my own expense.

I finally had to stand up for myself.

I think right now, I’m struggling with the guilt over the girlfriend situation, but I’m trying to remember one thing G pointed out. That Dumb-Dumb would never acknowledge me or the girlfriend and that wasn’t a way to treat anybody. 

He was right. 

No matter what happened between he and I, that behaviour isn’t good. 

I remember one time, he came around and he was being so loud and extra. He said hi to everyone. Literally everyone. 

Except for me. 

I gave him the same treatment and he said what, you’re not going to say anything? 

That sums everything up, really. 

I wish I hadn’t said anything. 

Maybe none of this would have happened. 

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