One Liner Wednesday – an overwhelming urge to run away

This is my entry for One Liner Wednesday.

Someone posted a video of their pedicure (is this a thing that people do now? Why?) and their rampant need for attention aside, I DO NOT LIKE FEET. AT ALL. I don’t like open shoes. I don’t like sandals. I don’t even like peep toe shoes. Anything that shows any part of the foot (specifically the toes and heel) is off limits. I hate the sound of feet slapping in shoes. I just hate feet. So you can imagine what happened when I unknowingly clicked onto this video. I was not happy. I literally almost unfollowed them because I hate feet that much. I’m glad they’re getting their feet together because messed up gnarly feet are the worst but they need to do it far away from where I can see.

Bitchin', Life

Hell hath no fury…

Story checks out. 

Apparently I get grumpy when I’m hungry. The real question is who are these people that don’t? There’s something wrong with y’all, and not me. I need to be sufficiently energised to deal with any bullshit that might come along the way. And this is Planet Earth. There’s always a 99.9% chance of that happening at any time. 

Awkward Situations, Bitchin', Life

5 Unexpected Life Lessons

Well, they’re not unexpected but it made for a catchier title. Sorry*.

1. Apologies don’t really mean much. 
(*I wasn’t sorry.)

Look, I’ll be the first to admit that I have warped views on apologies. I’m sensitive in certain situations and I know that what I feel is wrong might be okay to someone else. That’s because they’re an idiot and I’m civilised, but whatever, I’m not sweating on that.  That being said, people forcing me to apologize or forcing someone to apologize doesn’t sit right with me. It’s false and doesn’t hold much weight. I learnt this when I realised that someone’s apology meant little to me because of how they reacted after the incident. An apology should be a formality and not a battle. A simple acceptance that wrong has been committed and not I’m sorry that you felt way. Approximately one year ago, my good friend said something that I’ll probably never truly forgive her for. I’m over it, but for myself. I used to think that I caused the situation but meh. I didn’t.  Continue reading “5 Unexpected Life Lessons”

Bitchin', Life

How To Be A Bad Parent

The snark is strong with this one, but I’m irritated, so. 

The internet is awash with information about how to be a good parent, but let’s be clear, the bad ones aren’t reading it, are they? So for all shitty parent out there, this is for you*. 
1. Always Be Negative

You gotta always be negative. Forget about always be closing, you’ve got to always be negative. Seriously. I cannot stress this enough. Calling your child stupid, useless, worthless and other choice names will have you well on your way to being a bad parent. It will instil low confidence and low self-esteem. It’s easy. 

2. Always Pass Judgement

Judge. The. Heck. Outta. Your. Kids. Seriously, they will thank you for it. That one mistake they make will always remind them that they’re a fuck up, especially if you keep bringing it up. Offer bad advice and tell them that it’s their fault. Always say I told you so, because that’s helpful. Always remind them of the past, always compare them to other people’s kids.

3. Always Rewrite History

This is my favourite. This is the part where you state that you correctly predicted that something would go wrong. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t say anything of the kind, all it matters is that your child has to listen to you say all of this bullshit because you’re always right. You’re never wrong. 

4. Always Take Credit For The Good

Even though you’ve belittled your child, judged them, called them names, made them feel like shit for most of their lives, you can always count on there being some good times. And this is down to you. Yes, through the power of negative reinforcement, you’ve managed to shape your child into a reasonable human being. Give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it. 

5. Always Smother Them, Never Relinquish Control

Look, I’m not saying that you have to not give your child space, I’m just saying that you need to micromanage them. Tell them what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and always, always make sure they know that they will never do it as perfectly as you can. 

6. Always Wonder What Went Wrong

In the unlikely event that your child manages to escape from you**, you may find yourself wondering what went wrong. 

Keep wondering. Never acknowledge your own weaknesses. They don’t exist. 

*This is tongue in cheek. I’m not a parent. Parenting is hard. Kids are hard work. Bad parenting is even worse. Just saying. 

**I will write one about bratty children just to be fair. 

Bitchin', Politics

I was going to comment on the 3rd US Presidential debate but… — supernatural snark

For some reason I tend to post Trump stuff automatically on the other blog but hey, there’s no harm in sharing it here!

This is so much better. I’m just going to let his supporters convey the sheer lunacy of it all. Introducing Fangirl #1 – Ben Carson with bonus irony. Yes. People including YOU, Ben Carson. You’re an idiot.

via I was going to comment on the 3rd US Presidential debate but… — supernatural snark