Life

hit backspace and breathe easy

Night time anxiety, y’all. 

The worst kind. 

Today I’m wondering why I have such a big problem replying comments. If you’ve noticed that I reply at odd times or somewhat infrequently – you’re observant. I have to be in the correct mood to reply comments otherwise it won’t happen. 

It’s a byproduct of something that I went through years ago. There’s nothing like a group of people nitpicking every word just to belittle you or bring you down. Now, I was no shrinking violet. I held my own and defended myself but what no one tells you is that defending yourself gets exhausting after a while. It’s a lot of energy that could be used elsewhere. So eventually I just started keeping my mouth shut. The amount of time I type up comments and then hit backspace and breathe easy is crazy. 

Anyway, when you’re opinionated, this is what happens, but still. I just want to comment without the internal monologue or second guessing myself. I’m tired of just writing lol instead of this is so great omg let me babble at you.
Continue reading “hit backspace and breathe easy”

A to Z Challenge 2017

opinionated -#AtoZChallenge 

opin·ion·at·ed\-yə-ˌnā-təd\

adjective

expressing strong beliefs or judgments about something

having or showing strong opinions

I am often told that I like to argue but I don’t. I’m just very much interested in getting my point across. That’s all. I also like to have the last word and I’m a bit of a know-it-all (it’s not deliberate, I just retain facts and need someone to spout them to, surely that’s understandable? No? Fine).

I don’t mean to be opinionated but I just am. I would say that we’re all opinionated…Just some more than others. In my case, I am an analyst. I’m always thinking about things and trying to figure out what I would or wouldn’t do and that makes me form opinions. 

Well, most of the time, sometimes I’m just being annoying. I can’t help it. Even a broken clock is annoying twice a day. Or something. 

Yes, I often find myself speaking before I think and often that lands me in hot water and I seem to enjoy getting burnt. There are always the warning signs. I mean, once I don’t hear ‘I agree’, I should probably shut up, but I like discussions. I like hearing different opinions. If I could do that without the other person expecting me to agree with them (after they’ve already disagreed with me), everything would run smoother. 

There are a few people that know how to deal with me. They let me blather on and then change the subject before I’ve even realised what’s happened. I salute them for saving us time because half of the stuff I argue about is so asinine that I don’t even care anymore by the end of it. These days, I try to end conversations with, ‘well, that’s just my take on it’ but no one wants to hear that, lol. Either you argue too much or you’re not confident enough to say you’re mind…You can’t freaking win with people. 

Usually, breaking out an emphatic anyway and engaging in some subtle deflection works and then I write a snarky post about how stupid the other person is. I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But maybe I should

Nah, too lazy. 

I’m trying to get better at not coming across so strong and I think it’s working! But still, there’s always that one person who refuses to let it go until you agree with them. Or they react badly when I say that I don’t care what they think because I have a mind of my own. Perhaps that’s rude, but some people need that stern warning when they start to take it too far. 

Ironically enough, the easiest people to argue with these days are Trump supporters. Mention his name on Twitter and if you’re lucky one will come out from somewhere. I never engage with them. I have replied to a few of them with my standard line about only arguing with ‘intelligent people’, LOL. They usually go away after that. I think more people should take the same stance. 


Awkward Situations, Life

One Liner Wednesday: I’m done, have fun

It was my friend’s birthday this week but I haven’t spoken to her since October. It was a conscious decision but one that was also due to the fact that I was busy. In all of that time, I’ve not heard from her. Usually, I email her for her birthday but I didn’t want to be the one to break the silence. I don’t think she gets just how much she upset me and how much I feel like we are now two strangers. Even if I wanted to be tight with her again, my conscience wouldn’t allow it. It’s not that I can’t forgive it’s that there was no real attempt to understand my side of things, just what I thought was a flimsy apology and her admitting that she has no time to undo her ignorance. I accepted the apology but I don’t have to accept feeling bad. So yeah, it’s done for now.

I sent her an ecard this week and she opened it about two hours after but there was no acknowledgement. I’m guessing she doesn’t know that I am notified when it’s open but…Yeah, I know! Obviously, she could have been busy or something but I took it for what it was. 

It’s obvious not great to think that you’ve lost a friend but there comes a point where you have to just push it aside and just let whatever happens happen. We could talk tomorrow or we could never talk again. I can’t stress out over something that I can’t control. 


This is a response to this week’s One Liner Wednesday.

Awkward Situations, Life

Friendship Limbo 

[This post was x-posted on My Trending Stories here]

Christmas is approaching and I find myself thinking about a friend of mine. We have been friends for years, although, there have been a few ups and downs. Now, every year we exchange birthday and Christmas presents. In fact, I picked up something for her in April before the incident.

I won’t go into the incident here but the link above covers it well. In short, I last had contact with her two months ago around my birthday. She sometimes combines my birthday and Christmas gift but part of me is hoping that neither come. That’s because we are currently in what I call friendship limbo.

What is friendship limbo? Well, it’s that period of time in which the friendship is less of an unbreakable bond and more of a laid back game of tug-of-war that could go either way. I think we’ve all been through it. Even within our closest friendships. Perhaps it’s closely linked to out of sight out of mind. Or maybe it’s just life. We commonly hear of long lasting friendships and that’s what we are all supposed to be aiming for but in my mind, friendship is like a pair of shoes. Occasionally, you lose a few pairs due to wear and tear. Some we keep and only wear a handful of times a year. Right now, I have two new pairs and nowhere to wear them. I also have a pair of mouldy Vans that I keep meaning to clean. I think that last example sums up friendship limbo pretty well. The mould is the conflict that keeps me from cleaning my shoes and the incident is what keeps me from contacting my friend. 

That being said, this is technically a byproduct of the issue I had with my friend and often friendship limbo is the stage that comes after a series of disappointments. It’s kind of like the detente phase after what we perceive as bad friendship. The string remains but we aren’t ready to cut it yet. In my case, I am not ready because I think the failure of the friendship will go down as my fault. For not taking things lightly and for not being able to forgive and for finding myself in this situation once again. 

For all my talk about shoes, they’re easier to let go of. No one looks down on you for replacing a pair of shoes. There’s no emotional damage, no past memories. Friendship limbo is a dark scary place full of silence and conflicted emotions. And the worst part of all is that I hope it fades into nothingness. I say this not because I don’t value the friendship but because I know I won’t get what I need from it. I’m never going to get the apology I deserve, nor the understanding that I would appreciate. 

And I’m slowly learning how to be okay to with that. 

Awkward Situations, Bitchin', Life, Uncategorized

Arguing used to be fun

This post doubles as both a response to the ‘Argument’ prompt via Daily Prompt: Argument and the ‘Hard Learned Lesson’ prompt on the October Writing Challenge I’m doing. I’m also going to try and come at this topic from a snarky perspective because I didn’t want Hip To Be Snark to be too serious, so I am hoping to liven things up. Continue reading “Arguing used to be fun”