Awkward Situations, Life

Getting Caught Up In My Own Weirdness

This is me in a nutshell, although sometimes I think life would be easier if I was normal. Sometimes I get so caught up in the weirdness that I can feel the point at which it goes from being funny to ‘omg can this girl shut the fk up’. 

So, I’m going to give my long suffering break and bring the weirdness here for a bit. I will give you guys a daily log of weirdness. I’m serious. Or we can just file it under Random Thoughts like I’ve been doing? Yeah, that’s better. Anyway. Bye!

A to Z Challenge 2017, Awkward Situations

telephone – #AtoZChallenge

I hate phone calls. 

In fact, the last conversation I had with a friend was in December and it was awkward. 

If we’re not related, I don’t want to talk on the phone. I don’t like doing official business on the phone. If there’s no email option, I will avoid it. I hate calling helplines or work. Anywhere. I will hunt down your email the way James Bond hunts down the bad guys. 

I hate voicemail. 

I hate phone calls. 

Why do I hate them? I’m not sure. I remember in the past I’d talk to my friends all of time via phone. But maybe that’s it. When you’re a teenager, the most important call you make is to your parents when you’ve broken your curfew. By the time you reach university age, you’re making more serious phone calls. And by the time I was that age, I was an anxious wreck who could barely talk to people. I spent three years at a place where I never fit in and I didn’t communicate much. So, by the time I left, talking was an issue. Talking with people I didn’t know was a mountain of issues. 

I’m not sure when I realised that I didn’t like phone calls. For one, I’m too quiet on the phone. Mostly because I feel like I’m yelling if I raise my voice. So that leads to people not being able to hear and then I have to repeat myself and it becomes old very fast. It’s exhausting. 

The worst part is the period before the phone call. I will be sweating. Writing my script. Panicking. Trying to compose myself and just getting into such a state that I convince myself that I can’t do it. 

Awful.

It’s almost like I’m worried that people will judge me via the phone, or that I’m going to say something stupid and it’ll forever be in the airwaves. I can’t really explain it because when I eventually man up and make the call it’s fine. The panic melts away and the phone doesn’t erupt into a ball of flames. And then I feel stupid for worrying at all. 

Anxiety is a bitch, y’all. 

A to Z Challenge 2017, Awkward Situations

F(riendship) – #AtoZChallenge

pexels-photo-201817

I am way behind. Both with writing and commenting on other people’s! 

Anyway, friendship. Friendship is one of those things that are we always seem to be searching for (or running away from). Most of us want sitcom friendships, y’know, where breakfast, lunch, dinner and every waking moment not related to character specific plots are spent together. Most of us get the opposite. Friends who don’t call or reply to text messages. Friends who suck. The lucky ones get the good friends. The kind that read their shitty stories and listen to them whine at stupid’o’clock or wax poetically about Tom Hardy’s lips. 

In my case, I lost the friend lottery very early on in life. Every best friend I’ve ever had would suddenly start ignoring me in favour of a third person. Although, maybe it was all in my mind. Perhaps I was just the clingy friend. It all dates back to when I was a kid. When I was bullied, the friends I had would leave me on my own because it was either that or stand up to the bully who declared me a no friend zone. The sad thing is that I just accepted it. I’d hang out by myself or with the younger students. I always remember those little brats destroying my bright orange jacket (probably for the best). It’s strange because people tend to gravitate towards me but they don’t seem to want to stick around. I’ve been told how awesome I am by so many different people, but apparently that means nothing when it comes to keeping in touch. 

Eventually all of these little things add up. In the past I have found myself showering friends with gifts so that they would like me. I tried to be an ear to everyone, tried to go out of my way if they needed help. I’m always trying to help people but the issue is that sometimes I need something back. Rarely do I get it. 

There are two things that are major friendship no-nos for me. The first is ignoring me. I don’t need anyone to take time out for me, but let a girl know what’s up. It takes two seconds to tell me that you’re busy. The second is expecting me to be the one to ALWAYS get in touch. The second came about after I had a falling out with my close friends from school. They decided to stop speaking to me without informing me. I only had a clue that they were angry because someone else told me. Apparently I’d uploaded a slideshow online and they didn’t want their pictures up. Fair enough, it wasn’t my intention to do that. In fact, they had all seen the video beforehand. All it would have taken is for one person to say, ‘hey, Snark, can you take that video down?’. Instead it became this crazy argument that I wasn’t even part of. 

Needless to say, things cooled soon after that.

Since then, I tend to friend one or two people. I don’t do huge groups. Too much potential disappointment. I don’t hold onto friends tightly anymore and I’m cool with sporadic communication. I’m never going to have an Instagram page filled with cutesy pictures of friends having fun but I don’t care. 

Being a hermit is cheaper and less headache inducing. I have more time to laze around in bed and watch shitty television. 

Friends come and go, and I’m okay with that. 

Life is too short to chase after people who don’t care.

Written as part of the a to z challenge.

Awkward Situations, Life

I’m a beacon of unwanted attention (#SoCS)

So, on Friday I got a call from this guy who I’ve only ever met once. He basically popped up next to me and started talking to me randomly. I was taken aback but it was after midnight and I was tired and just ready to get to the bus stop. We were walking through this shopping mall where I’d witnessed a serious incident a few days earlier so I was happy to have someone to walk with and I was talking to him. We are from the same place so he was asking me questions and so forth. 

And then he basically asked me out and I did everything but say no. I gave him my number but he was really weird about it. He didn’t take my name. He didn’t check to see if the call had come through on his phone. Only God knows what he saved me as. Random girl? Who knows. 

Anyway, he called me the next day while I was at work and one more time after that. This was before Christmas. 

Three months later, this dude has called me again. I didn’t pick up but…Uh, what the hell? I have this mental picture of him having contacts named ?, ?? and ???. Perhaps he just called all of them because he realised that he doesn’t have names. Or maybe I made a really strong impression, LOL. Either way it was rather random. 

It reminds of this one guy who would ALWAYS come up to me and ask my for my number. I’d give it to him and he’d be like, ‘Oh, I’ve seen you already’. I couldn’t work out if he was creepy, interested or just in search of anyone with an available house for parties (he was always really interested in my living situation, where I went to school. It was weird). It got the point that I had to change my route because he’d always come up to me. And that’s not even the worst part. He would call me constantly. Five, six times per day. It was basically harassment until he gave up. One time I accidentally answered and it was so bizarre. 

Another time I got a call from this guy who asked me how I was and then started laughing. I hung up. 

At this point, there are probably too many random dudes with my number. Before I was giving them an old number but one time the guy called me there and then and I had to answer questions about where my ‘other’ phone was. It was so mortifying that I just gave my real number. And so many of them call to make sure you have given them a legit number. It’s awful. Someone needs to teach me how to navigate through this shit. My game is all off. 

I seem to have a knack for attracting creepers and pervy, old men. Do I have some kind of Creeper Attractant ability or something? Ick. 

Men, please do better. Thank you.


Written for the SOCS prompt of ‘man‘. 

Awkward Situations, Life

That moment when you realise how awkward you really are

So, I became acutely aware of how awkward I was a long time ago. It always seems to hit home when I’m out of my comfort zone. Like this week when I had to tell someone off at work. I don’t really speak to customers unless spoken to. Occasionally, if I’m feeling chatty (a rare occasion) I’ll have a few conversations, but apart from that I am quiet. This week however, I was tired and crabby and I had to finally speak up. And I felt so bad that I had to. I didn’t regret it but I’m not the kind of person that tells people off.
It kind of really hit me then that I am not the most confident person and that I’m just awkward. 

The most telling indicator is always when I am recounting interactions. My dialogue always consists of uhms and ahhs because I am so quiet. Talking to me is probably really frustrating. I guess it’s like talking to a mime that occasionally breaks out of character. I just can’t help it, I guess. Sometimes when you over think each word that you say it’s just easier not to say anything.
I’m also extremely introverted, so it’s par for the course but sometimes I wish I was confident enough to just be myself without freaking out afterwards.


Image credit: here // Response to ‘Aware

Awkward Situations

5 Reasons Why Having No Filter is Not AdvisedĀ 

1. You will earn a reputation…

…As that person who is known to say dumb shit at all times. 

2. You will become a source of amusement

It sounds good BUT IS IT? You tell me.

3. People can’t tell if you’re joking or not. 

This is bad. This has the potential to go left. Any innocuous comment is open to negative interpretation. Please, people. Think before you speak. 

4. You will make certain people uncomfortable

Yeah, they’re buzzkills, but still an awkward situation is an awkward situation. These are the people that give you those long, silent looks and make you feel like an idiot.

5. You can’t control your own brain

As a fellow brain-farter, it’s automatic. Sometimes we just can’t help it. We try hard but that just makes it worse. 

Written as a response to this