Awkward Situations, Bitchin'

Dear Former Friend…

Dear Former Friend,

Or rather, what’s up bitch?

Yeah, it’s kind of like that. It’s been over a year since we first got into an argument over something that actually matters for once.

It’s been over a year since we more or less stopped speaking.

That’s a shame.

No, really, it is. I still think you’re an idiot for saying what you did. I think you’re ignorant, self-centred and too lazy to look up basic information. I think you’re naive, misinformed and not interested in changing that about yourself.

These are the reasons why I stopped talking to you.

I suppose I expected you to re-evaluate yourself and actually get back to me. I expected you to Google your shit.

It’s safe to say that I expected too much.

Anyway, our friendship is done and I guess I’m okay with it.

I still have various reminders of you, the gifts you sent, the way I always kept the packaging and how I randomly found your address within my stuff the other day.

I still have one more gift that I never sent to you, but I have no idea where it is.

Much like you, it’s vanished without a trace.

And I can’t say that I didn’t try. I gave you the perfect opening to try and amend things but clearly you’re not interested.

That means that I’m not interested.

I’m sorry for not being the kind of friend that doesn’t call you out on your shit, but not sorry for calling you out.

Hopefully you’ve learnt how to think before you speak.

Lots of love lost,

Me.

P.S. I found the gift. It’s probably going to go to someone else. Too bad.

~

Damn, y’all. It’s been quiet here too. Usually I’m chatty on one blog or the other. I guess I’ll update you all soon. I have a whole bunch of things saved – so I was writing but not posting. Weird but not weird at the same time. Lol!

More later!

Awkward Situations, Life

leave them all behind

[the statement: The only friend I need is myself

the admission: actually, other friends would be kinda nice]

I got a message from a friend a few days ago. It was out of the blue really, although, I’d just been thinking about her. It’s strange to me. I’m the kind of person that’s always kept up with people, but I have a habit of befriending people who can’t be bothered. Or they’re too busy to make time. The list goes on. And on. 

At the end of the day, I am one person and just having three or four friends like that is a lot. All of my friends being like that was too much. So I have zero. Yes, I’m friendless for the most part. I mean, I have friends, but only a few people that I’d feel obligated to get in touch with after say a couple of weeks of not talking. I’m done with all of that for now. 

Friends kind of suck. 

Or maybe I am the friend that sucks. 

It doesn’t matter. I always swear I am done with it. I’ll admit that I do sometimes wake up and think is this normal but you know what? Fuck it. I’m happy to be the disposable friend. Y’all can say hi and I’ll say hi back and wait for you to initiate our next period of silence. Is that cool? 

I have a friend that I went to school with. The second we weren’t in classes together anymore, it was crickets. I can’t even get a Twitter reply from her these days. Someone I know in real life. The audacity of it all. I don’t have better luck online to be honest. I attract certain people. Or I’m too nice. Probably a combination. I’m reliable S, always there when someone needs something or has an issue. I will always reply when I’m able to because I know what it’s like to not get replies. These days it doesn’t bother me much. I’ve conditioned myself to see responses as a bonus, and I have enough anxiety that sometimes silence isn’t the worst thing. 

Anyway, why am I suddenly ranting about this? Well, the loves of my life (seriously, I’d marry any of the unmarried members if they were interested. I can relocate to Canada!) Billy Talent have a song on their album called ‘Leave Them All Behind‘ which I adore. It’s an inspirational song that sort of makes me want to run away? Not in a bad way. 

Obviously, I can’t due to lack of funds, but seriously, I want to leave everyone behind and just do my own thing away from continuous disappointment. 

Sometimes, a girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do. 

Sometimes. 

~

Written as a response to Linda G. Hill’s SOCS prompt

Awkward Situations, Bitchin', Life

5 Unexpected Life Lessons

Well, they’re not unexpected but it made for a catchier title. Sorry*.

1. Apologies don’t really mean much. 
(*I wasn’t sorry.)

Look, I’ll be the first to admit that I have warped views on apologies. I’m sensitive in certain situations and I know that what I feel is wrong might be okay to someone else. That’s because they’re an idiot and I’m civilised, but whatever, I’m not sweating on that.  That being said, people forcing me to apologize or forcing someone to apologize doesn’t sit right with me. It’s false and doesn’t hold much weight. I learnt this when I realised that someone’s apology meant little to me because of how they reacted after the incident. An apology should be a formality and not a battle. A simple acceptance that wrong has been committed and not I’m sorry that you felt way. Approximately one year ago, my good friend said something that I’ll probably never truly forgive her for. I’m over it, but for myself. I used to think that I caused the situation but meh. I didn’t.  Continue reading “5 Unexpected Life Lessons”