Awkward Situations, Life

the worst part about crying

I have a new category called Angry Thoughts. It was just a matter of time. First post will be on its way. Random Thoughts is emptyyyy. I’ve been saving Bob’s stories to watch them over the weekend. Luckily, I’ve either missed some or he’s been quiet. Which is good because I think he was running out of things to post. 

Onto the worst part about crying. 

For me it’s not the act itself, but what comes with it and how it comes. 

  • Raging headache

Need I say more?

  • Puffy red eyes 

We can’t all cry prettily like they do on TV.

  • Cuts under my nose

Usually from toilet paper (damn, does it hurt!). I had to rub Vaseline on it. 

  • Crying in public

It was ridiculous and I’m not sure what happened. I started having these chest pains and I was like, ‘I DON’T NEED THIS’ because my heart was pounding really fast and I’m pretty sure my feet were swollen and I have something wrong with my leg and just, I think it was probably a panic attack. 

I know exactly why I had one, but it was awful. The worst part is that I walked past several people and they didn’t even notice. I’m invisible. Tell me something I don’t know. Eventually someone did spot that I was upset and they spoke to me and helped me calm down. That was super nice of them and I’m very grateful. 

I also spoke to my friend about it and she was helpful. I’m so used to bottling every thing up all the time that I was so discombobulated and all over the place. I work really hard at controlling my outer appearance, if you like. I’ve been told by so many people that I’m hard to read or I’m “so quiet” and that’s for a reason. If I think you’re worth talking to, then that’s it. We’re cool. If I don’t, I won’t say a word to you. Life is too short to waste energy on people who don’t deserve it. 

To cut a long story short, I woke up the next day and I was like fuck this and I blasted out New Kids On The Block while I was in the shower. It helped a lot. Boybands are my therapy. Lol!

A to Z Challenge 2017

Make Your Own (L)uck

I’ve never really gotten that phrase. How can you make your own luck? By definition luck is:

the things that happen to a person because of chance : the accidental way things happen without being planned

How do you make something that isn’t planned? I think the better term is you make your own fortune. That might sound pedantic but as someone who has bad luck, making my own luck doesn’t inspire me in any way. That would mean that I’ve been making my own bad luck. I refuse to accept that. 

If there was some chemical formula for luck, fine, but there isn’t. All of the life hacks and tips on making your own luck are so ridiculous as well. I should be more social. Why? How is being more social going to make me rich? Well. Actually, it probably could. Okay so, that was a bad example. 

Anyway, fine. If I can make my own luck, I should be able to unmake all of the negative luck that I’d rather do without. So, internet. I’m ready. Tell me how to do it. 

Toss some salt over your left shoulder or add salt to your next bath.

I only have a shower, so. And really, I’d rather not clean up salt that I needlessly tossed over my shoulder. 

Burn sage or incense, such as sandalwood or jasmine.

I generally stay away from candles and anything that can be burnt. Bad luck isn’t a joke, you know. 

Carry protective charms, such as keys, shamrocks, or horseshoes.

…protective charms. Do my house keys count?

Turn on all of the lights in your home or light a few candles, preferably 2 white and 1 orange.

Turn off the lights. Nope. I trip up in broad daylight let alone without lights. I’m not going to tempt fate. And again with the candles? Hell, no. I don’t play with fire. 

Use crystals and stones, such as black tourmaline, labradorite, or amethyst

What do I do with these stones? 

Keep these crystals or stones in your home, place of work, or carry them on your person.

Oh. That’s doable. Until I inevitably lose them. 

Do a good deed 

…maybe. I can get down with this one. The rest seems like too much work. 

Perhaps that’s the problem. 

Life, Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts #2

upon realising that the wire in my bra was happy to see me:

Why does brapocalypse ALWAYS happen to me in public? 

Seriously. The number of times I’ve had to remove the wire in public because I can’t stand it digging into my chest is ridiculous. My humiliation is always televised. I have the WORST LUCK. 


I guess it’s time to go bra shopping. Again

I find that the bigger your size is the smaller (and pricier) the choice is (unless you go to specialist stores like Victoria’s Secret etc). It’s like someone somewhere is charging us extra because we need a teeny bit more material. 

…. This ended up being a random tangent real fast, lol. 

Awkward Situations, Life

Excuse me, miss 

I’ve already blogged about an incident that occurred between me and a friend of mine. She apologised and I reluctantly accepted. And that’s it. Except, no, it isn’t.

If I have to force an apology from someone then it’s not okay. And like I said in the linked post, I could buy that the initial statements were an oversight on her part but everything else…nah.

So, I have limited my interaction with this person. While I think it’s the right thing to do, now I feel guilty. Maybe I should accept the apology wholeheartedly and move past this. Compromise, somehow. Forgive the comment and move on.

Maybe I should, but, I don’t think I want to.

The thing that gets me is that she claimed she didn’t know that I was upset even though I was very angry. I’m not sure if she was playing dumb or just couldn’t be bothered but I’m sure it ranks low on her ‘Do I care?’ scale.

I’ve spoken to her a few times since her ‘apology’. That was October. I didn’t get back to her and I haven’t heard from her since. Maybe being petty but I’m legit mad that she didn’t wish me a Happy New Year. Sure, I could have just paused our one-sided beef and sent a message but I’ve deciced not to bullshit myself this year. Doing that would have upset me. So now I wait. Well, until her birthday at least because that’s just manners. Still. The uncertainty annoys me. I’d rather know that we are deuces than know that she’s unaware that part of me is still pissed at her flippant behaviour.

Oh well.

Joint response to the Jan 23rd prompts of Oversight (Daily) and Compromise (JusJoJan)


The key to success…

…is apparently laziness, maltreatment and general incompetence.

At work I am currently being made to do the work of two people. My mistake was being able to do it when they didn’t have enough people. So now they can get away without hiring someone and I get back pain. I have to take my time these days, especially because I know I will receive no help. 

Me right now

The managers today had the nerve to tell me that certain areas were messy. Yeah, and they will stay messy. I cannot be in two places at once. And as much as I wish I was, I am not a robot. And even if I was, I still wouldn’t waste my cool skills on breaking my back for these people. 

In the words of Arnie, I’d asta la vista, baby them and go off to save the world.

Today, one hour before the shift ended, some managers told a coworker of mine to redo something a certain way. It’s absolutely ridiculous. Why not tell her before she’s already done 90% of the work? We aren’t paid enough for this bullshit.

In general, none of us are happy and all of us are overworked. Meanwhile, the ones are the top of the food chain are raking in the cash.

Management right now


This post is sponsored by my back pain and is a response to the prompt overworked.

Awkward Situations, Life

My relationship with my pants

This is a prompt from somewhere and for whatever reason it just reminds me of my experience when I went to see Backstreet Boys and New Kids on their joint tour.

My outfit that day was a disaster for many reasons. The main one being that I was experiencing a bout of chronic eczema at the time. The kind that covered my entire neck and hurt like hell and the kind that was to be covered by a scarf at all times. Luckily for me it was April in the UK. It rained like crazy that day.  Continue reading “My relationship with my pants”

Life, Racism

Shopping While Black



I have to admit that when I was growing up my view on race was so distorted that I didn’t even realise that certain situations went against me for no real reason. Growing up during the late 90s and early 2000s there was talk of multiculturalism. Black people were welcomed by all communities, hell, everyone was welcome. And then I grew up and realised that isn’t the case at all. The tide began to turn during the start of the Great Big Immigration Crackdown and the (supposed) influx of Eastern-Europeans. They were taking all of the jobs, housing, causing overpopulation. Everything was their fault.

So much for multiculturalism.

Still even with that, there was no racism in the UK! Nope. I was just being followed around by security guards for no real reason. The slightly patronising questions I received were just people being polite. Naturally, as I became an adult I realised that certain people weren’t being followed around in stores…. Continue reading “Shopping While Black”