my eyes are shady | Random Thoughts #35

9th August 

I start work in four hours and I’ve slept for about three hours. I’ve been up doing…God knows what for three hours. Reading. Reading stuff I’ve read many times before. I’m nuts. I don’t know what I was doing. 

Anyway, I have a raging headache and need to nap so obviously, I turned to Bob and his brand of boredom. 

  1. “It’s good to be back in the car that you’re comfortable in,” he says, after informing us that he got a lollipop while picking it up from the shop. I snorted and rolled my eyes. Receiving a lollipop is an Instamoment now. Go figure.
  2. He’s talking about how it’s a beautiful day and he’s driving but..I have no idea why he’s not focusing on the road. It’s this kind of nonsense that keeps me off the road. I’ll say more on this below. 
  3. Before clicking on the third video I thought, ‘Dear God, put your hat back on,’ but you know, I’m the Queen of Messy Hair ™ so I take it back. I can’t hear what he’s saying because he has music playing. While posting to Insta. Dude. Get your life together, please. Or turn it down. #GrandmaAtHeart
  4. Bob with a cute kitty. I was too busy awwing to have a snarky thought, but my eye is watering randomly, so there’s that. My eyes are shaaaady. 
  5. His animal baby talk leaves a lot to be desired, he really should just mute it. I felt queasy listening to it. The cat is super cute, though. 

Fucked up shit that I read about this week:

  • Psychotic jogger who pushed a woman into the path of a bus
  • Live stream murder – the 18 year old who killed her sister after crashing her car while livestreaming. She continued to live stream the aftermath and broadcasted her dead sister for all to see.

– Joggers are fucking nuts. The worst ones are those that insist on jogging on a crowded street and then get pissed off when people have the audacity to walk. Go somewhere else. 

– Posting videos while driving is something I don’t get. Bob used to do it a lot, and I was even commending him in my head for stopping (although, I don’t watch half of his videos so….), when I saw these ones and I was like… oh. I guess so long as the phone is in a holder and the driver isn’t impaired it’s not going to be a big issue but a second is all it takes. If I got into a car and saw someone doing that, I wouldn’t go anywhere with them. 

Anyway, never got around to that nap. Fuck everything. It’s now 03:28 and I’m trying to work on my job application (see previous post). I fell asleep for about an hour or so. I look awful. My eyes are red. I look like a zombie. My head. Oh, my head. 

Imma close out with some Daria (I’m on a 90s TV show kick right now! I will do a post on the other blog about it). 

the end is nigh for the star of random thoughts by a bitchy blogger

Today (or yesterday for me) was so awful that you get this post about Bob. I’m not even going to call it Random Thoughts, it’s just…Bobservations

So, after his little snarky remark about someone running, Bob had that live thing on Instagram, but I didn’t watch it. However, later, I was told what was in it. 

You know how I said he was on a TV show and not even the hottest guy on the show? Well, he’s not coming back to the show. I still think he’s a douche once removed, but the news kind of broke my heart for ten minutes. At first I was sad for myself (who am I going to mock now?), and then I was sad for him, and then I was sad for the fans (some of them are piiiiiissed). 

Personally, he could be on the show or not on it and it doesn’t really affect me, but a lot of people kind of wanted to see him back. I’d like to see him back but you know, it is what it is. I’d like to be a billionaire, but I’m not. That’s life. 

Bob still has his Instagram (where he can get all the love and validation he so clearly needs) and whatever is keeping him from the show. He will survive, even if he’s petrified at first. 

Anyway, now that he’s not coming back, I have no real reason to follow him. So… this might be the end of Bob. He might get cancelled twice. Not that me snarking about him counts. He can’t add that to his IMDB. Star of ‘Random Thoughts’ by a bitchy blogger on WordPress. Lol!

Continue reading “the end is nigh for the star of random thoughts by a bitchy blogger

#SoCS/Random Thoughts #34

This week has flown by. I’m so happy for that. So very very happy.

I don’t have much to say.

I have been starving all week. I’m talking seriously about to eat a yogurt at 3am hunger. I’m craving sugar, chocolate and my bubblemint gum isn’t helping matters. I’m hungry!

Now, fast speed of the week aside…

Life has been kicking me in the butt this week. I managed to scratch myself while using Vaseline on my legs. How, you ask? Well, your guess is as good as mine. One minute I’m rubbing it on and the next, there’s a weird pale mark on my leg and oh shit is that skin on my nail? After that the bleeding started and I had to clean it up and find a plaster and all of the fun stuff that comes with that.

Fast forward to the day before that or thereabouts and your girl got onto the wrong escalators and didn’t realise. After a few heart stopping moments, I managed to scramble back up and find the right one. I my defence, they pulled the old switcheroo on me, but it wasn’t my finest moment.

I’ve also managed to walk into several things and poke myself in the eye.

I lead a very dangerous (and clumsy) life. 

Continue reading “#SoCS/Random Thoughts #34”

this is me sending the batsignal | Random Thoughts #33

× I think I’m spending too much time on here. I can’t even say what it is I do on here because I feel like I barely read people’s posts, but in terms of operating my two blogs, I don’t think I’m using my time wisely. I know that a while ago I said I’d limit myself to a post a day, but apparently that flew out of the window.

× I was supposed to quit Bob (should I be worried that he’s now something I need to quit?) but that ship stopped for a while before it sailed. 

× I was supposed to do a lot of things and I seem to always end up doing none of them. It’s a running joke. Snark says she’ll do something and she never does and LOL typical. It isn’t really funny anymore. 

Can a girl get some productivity up in here, please? 

This is me sending the bat signal. 

Hello? 

Anyway, that’s not going to come today. 

× Here are your Bobservations for Monday. 

Hahahaha, Bobservations! That’s actually jokes. That’s a good one. It’s funny. It might be good to just create a little heading and section off that part of Random Thoughts so all of you sane people can skip my nonsense? Okay, maybe not. Who has time, right?

1. Whiplash. I think he was going for a panoramic view of wherever but it was just shaky. Sorry, Bob. 

2. Bob, it’s too dark to see you WHY DO YOU ALWAYS CUT BACK TO YOURSELF, AND WHY IS IT SO DARK? 

3. Some mentions of Sam Shepard, who I didn’t know of, but I heard that he died. RIP.

4. I don’t think Bob and I could be friends. He’s bowling and Instagramming it. Just bowl, dammit. 

5. Graffiti on the walls. Where exactly is this bowling game taking place? Anyway, I guess the graffiti is cool if you’re into that kind of thing. 

6. I can’t with this guy. 

7. The next morning, Bob is walking… there are trees, apartments, Bob’s face, trees, apartments, Bob’s face. And silence. This is so weird. Oh, and then there’s a smile. It’s a nice smile. Well, okay, fine. I won’t snark on him too hard. Scratch that, what is the point, Bob? Were you so overcome by life that you had to show us what walking down the street is like? Nil pois for you, my friend. 

8. His sunglasses are nice. They’re always nice. 

9. His hair is pretty. 

10. When did my observations turn superficial. Anyway, the most recent videos are all really short. He’s at some kind of gym, I guess.

11. Now he’s at some kind of event place that I won’t mention just in case. 

12. You know the cruelest prank someone could play on me is to pretend to be Bob and comment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fearless and fierce but actually I’m not and I’d feel bad if he ever saw anything I wrote LOL. I’m not about that life, guys. I’m a chicken. Cluck cluck. 🐥🐥🐤

× Now that I’m done snarking about Bob my Headache of Doom™ has returned. Sigh. 

× I’m back at work this week. Woo. Anyway. That’s all for now. See you tomorrow! 

peace and love
-htbs

we’ve seen how beautiful you are | Random Thoughts #32

– I’m trying to convince myself that I don’t care what Bob is up to. He was ‘vibing’ in New York, but I didn’t click on the video because I wasn’t ready to see any rhythm-less dancing. I feel old just hearing that term (vibing) and I’m pretty sure Bob is older than me! 

He’s waaaaay cooler than me, though, so that must be it. I’m sure I’ll update you on Sir Bob by the end of the post. 

– I had a dream, people. 

It involved The Backstreet Boys, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki. I wanted to cry. At first it was like, WOO BACKSTREET! And then I saw those two and my reaction was no go away get out of my heaaaaad.

So rude. 

– Anyway, speaking of Bob, I just spent a long time on Instagram. My feed has been taken up by some guy I know from work. He’s on holiday and every single picture taken is going on Instagram I guess. Every single one. Every one of them. All of them. My entire feed is him. Fun. Might buy him a photo album. Remember those?

– Got into a discussion on racism on here. If you follow my other blog, I posted about it there. Anyway, yeah, it’s so frustrating when people don’t understand and they never will. What’s the point? That’s what I ask myself. My head hurts.

– Bob update (I’m weak)

So, Bob’s watching the world’s most exciting baseball game ever (!) and narrating, I guess. He’s a really shitty narrator, mostly because I had to try and watch the game through his sunglasses. Bob, you’re very pretty and your sunglasses are great, but it would help if we could see what you were talking about. Especially if you’re like me and have zero understanding of baseball. Turn the camera around. Turn your phone around. It’s okay. We’ve seen how beautiful you are. I promise that we won’t forget. 

– Speaking of beauty….

– Speaking of baseball, I was never really a sports team kind of girl. Weird because I love sports. I actually found a job opening for something sports related and I have decided to apply because that actually interests me. I probably won’t get it, but I feel as if fate brought me too it. Anyway, not weird because my parents were super strict. I was once on my school rounders team, though. I could hit the ball out of the park. I was really good. Man, I almost wish I could just serve balls for fun. I can’t remember the terminology. The pitcher throws the ball and what does the person hitting it do? LOL. I better get researching. 

– I’m still going with the novel. I think my word target of 80,000 is unrealistic, though I’m 10% through. I have no plot. My plot is basically sad girl is sad. Sad girl sees bad thing. Sad girl meets bad girl. Sad girl has no friends. Sad girl meets new guy friend. I’m not about to write a romance novel (been there, done that) so… Yeah. I’ll think about it. 

– Speaking of writing, imaginary! Bob will return when when I post the story in full. It’s not going to be a novel, but hey, at least I wrote a thing. 

peace and love + have a good week! 


the land of bob | Random Thoughts #31

Y’all get a Bob special because I have nothing interesting to say. Or I had nothing interesting to say until I sat down to write this. If you’re new here, we’ll just pretend that Bob is… someone who I know but not really. If you’re not new here – I’m sorry
This post will also feature actual random thoughts, though! Apparently Bob is now a weird memory lane trigger. Huzzah!

Damn, I wanted to see who that man was

– when Bob isn’t even the interesting part of his own video.

Are those things moose?

I think they were deer. Is moose the plural of moose? And now I remember my book of animals from when I was a kid. I think it was a gift for my tenth birthday. It must be on my mother’s bookshelf somewhere. I used to love reading it…Along with the Weetabix altlas that I used to cherish. I used to memorise the list of countries for each continent. Yeah, I was a nerdy kid. 

Anyway, back to Sir Bob. 

Funny story. I mentioned a few posts back that I figured out how to save his videos (the way the stories feature works is that they all play in a row and that was overwhelming. Especially when Bob can have eighteen different parts at one time). So I saved a whole bunch last week when I was really angry due to work. Bob time is usually when I’m bored or can’t sleep so I figured I’d watch them later. 

Didn’t watch a single one. 

I looked at the pictures, deleted those, and moved on. I haven’t saved any since. In a way, I think the best thing is that I can play each video separately and I can avoid whatever looks extra cringey. 

Which is most of it.

Anyway, right now we have a picture of sunglasses. 

Nice sunglasses. Wait… how many pairs does he have? It’s like a revolving door of shades.

At this point, I’m convinced that he has a walk-in closet of shades. Theyre always different. 

Forehead wrinkles are no joke

Apparently, Bob is ’embracing’ his. 

We’ll see how true that is in ten years time. Bob is usually always very well put together unless he’s going for that staged bedhead look. Dr Botox is in his future. I’m joking, I’m joking. Kinda. KINDA. 

Wait, he’s ON THE HORSE? No, no, no and no. 

So, after a long day of shopping (mostly window shopping with someone else so I was fine and not panicking because people), I sat down to watch something. My tablet crashed so I decided to watch the saved videos I mentioned above because Bob has nothing up at the moment. Nothing. I ended up missing all the ones from yesterday but I don’t care about that. There’s nothing now. Its weird when I have a video up and Bob doesn’t. I barely post anything!

I’m sure he will back. How will he survive without updating us on his thrilling activities?!

Anyway, so the first video I clicked on was of Bob riding a horse. That makes sense, the pictures from that day were of him on a horse. That’s fine, except this is Bob filming himself while on the horse. Like, one hand is free and everything just so he can hold up his (probably bedazzled with a picture of him on the back) phone and make multiple videos. I backclicked so fast that I felt like I was the one riding a horse.

Why?

Just ride the damn horse and enjoy it. 

Or come up with interesting commentary. He was just talking about whatever. I wasn’t even listening. 

Speaking of horses….

I went horseback riding one time and they gave me the most temperamental horse. By that I mean it was batshit crazy. They called him Trojan, that’s how crazy he was. There I was, all of ten years old, completely terrified by my horse apparently chasing the other horses while I was on it. Anyway, can you imagine if that was today and I was live videoing it. I’d probably have a cast or two by the end of the day. Hell, I’d be a meme. 

I think that’s enough about real Bob. As you can see that intervention is working out great! 

Here’s a little more of the story about imaginary! Bob. The first part is here somewhere and the second is here somewhere. 

iii

Three days after he made an anonymous call to the police, a small article hit the local paper’s website. The picture was one of his, some free shot of the beach that he allowed them to use. The headline read: ‘Unidentified body’ on the beach. The text under was textbook police guff about an investigation being carried out. 

With a weary shake of his head, Bob forwarded the message to his friend Tim and added, ‘bet they won’t do anything!’. 

Tim’s response was quick and to the point: “why do you care?”

That question, despite its flippant nature, made Bob think. 

Why did he care? After all, he didn’t stick around to make sure that the cops found the body. All he did was make a phone call. Why was it that he wanted to know more? He wanted to know why that person ended up there. How they ended up there. 
There was also the small matter of the picture he’d taken haunting his mind like an errant shadow, always in frame but just off to the side. Visible and fading at the same time.

Still, what did he know? He wasn’t a detective. He didn’t know the first thing about bodies and the police hadn’t released a treasure trove of details. 

There wasn’t much he could do. 

Dun dun dunnnnnn. 

Oh and Bob did finally post something and it was…a woman dragging her bag on the floor in some kind of public place with the caption ‘classy!’. Well. I watched it three times and I think that’s what he took issue with. I am confused by Bob 99.9% of the time. However, it was odd that this woman was just dragging her bag like that. LOL.

But yeah…

You know how sometimes we see something and we think that’s just wrong but at the same time, it’s not that deep and not hurting anybody? 

The appropriate response is to keep our phones in our pockets and mind our business. 

-htbs

The Big One | Random Thoughts #30

It’s the big three-oh, people! 

I think this is the first ever blog series that I’ve stuck with. Mostly because somehow it became a way to bitch about Bob, the (at this point, random) guy I follow. You could say that he’s famous, but I’m willing to bet that you’ve never heard of him, and if you have, you don’t actually know his real name. If you know his real name you’d probably judge me or think I’m a bitch, so he shall continue to remain anonymous. For now. 

Anyway, I might have mentioned that I saw Bob on a TV show. He’s not even the hottest guy on the show, he’s just white, blond (kinda), the kind of guy that my teenage self would have loved. It’s hilarious that I went past all of the good looking guys and circled in on Bob, but white, blond guys are my kryptonite and not in a good way. 

I used to sort of know this guy called Michael. He seemed nice. He was a terrible guitarist (well, he was a beginner) and the kind of person who seemed overly concerned with his appearance. Anyway, I became enamoured with him. His black leather jacket, his hair, his cute button nose. By enamoured, I mean that I followed the poor boy. I sometimes wish I could find him and apologize because I had my own strange stalker incident later and I realised how uncomfortable it is when someone is following you. 

Anyway, Michael was weird in that I eventually lost interest in him. By eventually, I mean that his mother yelled at me and I decided that no guy was worth the aggro, it’s not like I was following him home. Just from the music building to the exit. Two minutes, maybe three times a week. The fact that he blabbed to his mother was a major turn off. Plus, I thought it was lame that he was still picked up by her. I’d been going to school by myself since the age of 8/9, I thought I knew it all, lol. 

I remember walking past him a few times afterwards and it was just awkward. It was like some kind of standoff where we both disliked each other. At some points, he’d be smirking, he probably thought that he’d won. Ha. Well. He did. Whatever. LOL. 

Despite our awkward encounters, Michael and I had our one moment of normalcy. 

Me: I like your haircut

Michael (smile): Thanks

Me: (explodes)

I didn’t actually like his hair cut. His hair was the best part about him and he CUT IT ALL OFF. But whatever, it was nice. The moment and not the haircut. The haircut was awful. 

Sometime later he showed up and he was orange. 

That was the beginning of the end. If you’re going to get a fake tan, please limit yourself. 

Anyway, yeah, what else. I owe you a second part of Bob’s Adventures! First part is in this post, in the middle somewhere, lol. 

“Oh, fuck,” Bob muttered, because he’d seen this movie before. This was the part where he’d call it in and they would suspect him. It didn’t pay to be honest sometimes, but he couldn’t just ignore the hand.

It was a pale, blueish colour, marked by a long scratch. The nails were buried under the sand preventing him from seeing what they looked like. On CSI, they’d look for skin under the nails, right?

Bob stopped that line of thought in his tracks. This wasn’t a television show, this was real life.

Someone was dead.

The mystery continues. Ha. 

Anyway, onto the picture portion of the post. I’m trying to keep it short. I want to get back to how much blog was in the beginning. It was truly kind of cathartic. I think having six followers was somewhat liberating, compared to say anything above fifty. It goes from freedom to playing for the gallery and that’s the easiest way to suck the fun out of anything. 

I can think of a few people that this applies to. 

So, anyway, I was on Pinterest. Are y’all on Pinterest? I would tell you mine but I (for whatever bizarre reason) use my real name on there so I shall remain mysterious (I promise that I’m not a spy. Now I’m wondering if spies use Pinterest). I saw this twisty braid thing and I taught myself how to do it. 

Trouble is that mine looks MESSY. Stray hairs everywhere. It’s bad. I need to learn how to cornrow hair, but for real, I need to start with the basics. Parting hair with straight lines. Either my head is too big or I have little patience but apart from my side part, I am horrible at it. 

Wrapping up…

I am so bad at replying to everything, but I’m working on getting my energy levels back to normal. I bought co enzyme q10 (whooo, mitochondria party!), iron and…Coffee. I lasted one day without coffee and I survived. I knew I could do it! That was a trial run, the real test is coming soon. 

Peace & love, folks. 

Thank you for reading Random Thoughts. I hope you’ve laughed, smiled or found something relatable in any of the posts. Once again, I apologize for Bob. You guys already know that I’m a weird individual. 😂 but there will be less of him from now on. I think. Maybe.