leaf envy
impressive side boob
totally jealous of that apple

I hope that those of you who are into fine beauty enjoyed these pictures. Maybe I’ll do this again sometime. 



Can we talk about selfies and self-serving pictures? The problem isn’t selfies themselves but rather the self in the selfies. Selfies are not a new phenomenon. We used film to take selfies, Polaroids, photobooths, digital cameras and so on, but the upside was that it was big enough pain that no one did it all the freaking time.

Fast forward to today and it’s selfie beyond selfie, beyond selfie. The occasional selfie is fine, but I always look at repeat offenders and I think why are you posting this? I try to get into the mindset. They think they look good so they want to share their (heavily edited) selfies? They need validation? They need attention? I can’t grasp it. I can only assume that it’s a form of attention seeking that unconsciously reeks of desperation. I’m sure there are people out there who will defend taking pictures of themselves to the death, but… come on.

Y’all have a problem. 

I take my fair share of selfies, but you wouldn’t know it. Occasionally, I’ll use one as my profile picture wherever. That’s it. I don’t post them anywhere. In fact I always feel like an idiot when I’m taking selfies. Who the fuck am I smiling at? Myself? Am I happy about anything? Not really. So why am I smiling? I have no idea. My stuff is in the background. I look better when I tilt my head. I’m not looking in the right place. It spirals from there, my smile look weird. My cheeks look like they’ve gone five rounds with George Foreman and lost. My eyes look dead. My eyes look crazy. I take more and more and eventually I just stop. Eff that noise.

Taking multiple pictures of yourself until you look ‘good’ is not empowering, it’s kind of pathetic. Not in a look at your life kind of way, but in a we’re so much better than this kind of way. 

I can only imagine how long it takes people who actively post selfies online to even carry out a photoshoot and decide what pictures to post. Fucking hours I’m sure. The question is why? Obviously for attention, but attention from who? That one creepy guy you studied English with ten years ago? Your mother’s friend who randomly added you on Facebook? Your friends who know what you really look like? Strangers? Yourself?

Not to be outdone, there are the adventurous selfies. It doesn’t matter that you might die all that matters is capturing the perfect selfie. You know, a picture that’ll be looked at for five seconds, liked and boom, it’s like it never existed. If you see anyone doing that foolishness, please look away. I’m talking about selfies on mountain tops, in the middle of the street, on top of Godzilla’s shoulder. Reckless shit. Look away, move away and say lord please keep me from being affected by this person’s stupidity. 

Selfie sticks are dumb. 

Workout selfies? Go fuck yourself. 

Hospital selfies. Why?


Couple selfies. Not as flattering as you think they are.

Group selfies. Depends, if it’s like the Oscars one, hell no. If it’s a nice picture, fine.

Last, but not least…’celebrity’ selfies. There’s an actor on my Instagram who mostly posts pictures of himself and comments on his hair. That’s it. Every few days. Selfie. On his own. With his girlfriend. Comment on hair. Selfie. Political comment. Fake deep quote. Selfie. It’s just so embarrassing and cringey. I’m probably going to unfollow him soon because I don’t need his headache in my life.  

Why? Celebrity selfies seem to come with an extra layer of desperate. My reaction to most of them is please go away. Joe Q Public can take a million selfies because he’s on 30k a year and he needs some validation. It’s not great but I get it. When you make that much per episode…please stop. This includes people like the Kardashians. It’s not like we don’t see their faces enough, we have to look at gross mirror selfies and duck lips.

No thanks. 

So, yes, anyway. That’s my take on selfies. You’re beautiful but you don’t need to take 57 selfies a day, and you don’t need to post them every day either.

Just stare at yourself in the mirror. It’s easier.