Awkward Situations, Life

I’m fun at parties

It’s your lucky day, people, you get to find out ten things about me, lol. 

1. What is your best childhood memory?

I just thought long and hard about this and I don’t have one. Or if I do, I don’t remember it. I tend to remember bad things. If you asked me what my worst memory is, I’d be able to tell you immediately. 

I’m fun at parties. 

My best adult memory is seeing Backstreet Boys and New Kids On The Block. NKOTBSB, forever, baby! 

2. If you had a chance for a “do-over” in life, what would you do differently?

I would go back and never watch Supernatural. I feel like that show turned me into an alien for five years. I’d also try and be more… confident and put my foot down over certain things. When people make your decisions for you, there’s a lot of shit you want to to do-over.

I’d also go back and go and see Billy Talent play live before I realised that crowds and I don’t get along. At all. 

And I’d end some friendships a lot earlier than I did, ’cause life is too short for all of the mental gymnastics I’ve done over certain people. I would eradicate all of the dilly dallying and just hit them with the silent treatment forever. 

I would also go back and do over every single phone purchase I’ve made. I’m always buying obscure phones that I spend half of my time fixing. It’s good because I learn stuff, but damn, Gina, I just need things to work. That’s it. I need them to function as described. 

3. How do you spend your free time?

Reading about current affairs, man. I’m always reading the news or Wikipedia articles. I’m boring but I’d be a kick ass partner during trivia night. Also, add blogging and observing a semi semi-famous person, writing and keeping up with sports to that list. Like I said, boring

4. What are you most afraid of?

I could jokingly answer this with bugs. Or I could be serious and say being left alone. I don’t mind being alone, but to be alone forever is a scary thought. That’s too much time to think or impulse buy chocolate. I need a sidekick of some sort so that we could impulse buy other shit. Lol. 

5. What was your most embarrassing moment?

I have several. Too many to mention. The most embarrassing is probably the time I walked into a glass door when in pursuit of this guy. I may or may not have been following him and he was aware and running towards freedom. My social cues were nonexistent then, so I followed an thwack

Apparently you have to open doors first, even if they’re see-through. 

Certainly got his attention that day. 

6. What do you think about when you’re by yourself?

Absolute rubbish. Nonsense. Sometimes I cast my self in Daydream Motion Pictures and pretend that I’m somewhere else. Usually I’m obsessing over any interaction I’ve had in the past hour. Or week. My brain is a scary place at times. 

7. Did you ever write a journal?

This is my current one

All the time. When I was younger I was known for being the girl who was always writing in books, lol. I used to let people read my ramblings as well. Kinda like a real time blog with IRL likes. I’ve always been ahead of my time, people. 

8. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?

Introvert. Talking exhausts me. I then replay conversations thousands of times and convince myself that whatever I said was stupid. I don’t do well with people that I don’t know. Eye contact is… You’re lucky if you get it from me. Phone calls? Not likely. Hanging out? In person? Probably not in this life time, bud, sorry. I think being an introvert is like having an allergic reaction to people. 

9. What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself?

See number 8. A confidence transplant would be nice, lol. 

10. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Finally, an easy question! 

Right now I’m watching Hit The Floor again. I have a LONG post coming up for it on the other blog. This crazy ass show cracks me up.

I’m also sort of watching House and The Wire but I am struggling at the moment in terms of paying attention to things so I’ve put them on pause.

~

That’s all for now. Like I said, I’m fun at parties! LOL! 

Awkward Situations, Bitchin', Life

Don’t think that you’re so great (1)

Today, or well yesterday and today because I am well versed in dysfunctionality, has been interesting.

I tried to stand up for myself.

In my life, that’s a rare occurrence.

I panicked over it, thought about it constantly, but I did it and once again, I’m faced with the repercussions. 

Continue reading “Don’t think that you’re so great (1)”

Random Thoughts

male model heaven | Random Thoughts #22

First of all, the bullet point layout is so much easier! How does it look? Stupid? Y/n/you don’t care?

Secondly:

I am in male model heaven

In my defence, I was a little grossed out that I even thought that, but at any rate it’s true.

  • Bob’s PR (I can tell when it’s not him writing the captions, because everything looks like a normal human being wrote it) posted a thing about a thing
  • I clicked on the tag and et voila. Models galore
  • I’m going to spend an hour perusing through it, just because it’s been a hard week. I need this. 😂

I am like a pathetic little fangirl

  • You know when you know your behaviour is irrational but you can’t help it? Yeah. That. 
  • Anyway, is it bad that my first thought was, ‘aw, he has something to do!’
  • Obviously, he’s way busier than me, so it’s just me being a bitch. I can accept that. He’s working with a major designer (as he has done in the past so yeah, he’s not some lazy person).
  • I got bored after ten minutes or so because it was just a bunch of white guys
  • Cute white guys, but still
  • Diversity in modelling is still a wish more than reality, huh?
  • Also I still can’t take Bob seriously. 
  • Someone posted video and he’s the first model, and he turns to look at the camera I was just like, ‘NO. NOPE BYE.’ LOL. Unserious motherflocker (I’m trying not to be crude!). 
  • I sat through his story and there was eye rolling (of course) and shock when he was like, ‘this is my hotel, come and say hi’ dude, whaaaat. But that was nice of him I guess. 
  • He has nice sunglasses

Writing update

  • Starting a sequel
  • I have 39393399 unfinished projects
  • Starting another one just made sense
  • I need a prompt for a short story. Any suggestions?
  • Writing done on Friday: 0
  • Writing some on Saturday: we’ll see

Fashion

  • Speaking of modelling
  • I don’t really get fashion
  • I mean, high street stuff is fine. I can pick out a cute top or whatever
  • Watching a bunch of people wear ugly shit and walk in a line is just baffling
  • And okay, some of the clothes are nice but so much of it is ugly
  • So so so so so so ugly
  • It’s not art, it’s just ugly

    It’s not just me

    • Otherwise known as validation
    • It’s nice when other people agree with us
    • Not necessarily healthy, but nice
    • The thing is that, it’s dangerous. If you need someone to agree with you to be confident in your opinion then it won’t work
    • I’m kind of a fuck validation kinda girl but I look for it all the time
    • Sometimes I find it, sometimes I don’t
    • Often it doesn’t matter anyway, because I learn to live with my opinion. 

        I write so I don’t forget

        • Social media is kind of weird
        • I prefer Twitter above else because you can always easily read back what you wrote
        • Snapchat is basically watching something that you’ll forget
        • Instagram is sort of the same
        • So if I want to remember something, I’ll have to scribble a little note somewhere
        • This is my explanation for Bob, I used to roast him with my friend and just got into the habit just before I started boring you guys to tears, lol!
        • My memory is weird
        • Often I will remember the strangest things, I can more or less remember article, shows and books word for word, but something you told me five minutes ago? Nope. 

          My time is not my own

          • Weekends are my free time but they’re anything but 
          • I wish I lived by myself
          • I don’t mind chipping in, but people are selfish and don’t care about my time
          • I am expected to jump up a million times a day if necessary
          • It’s exhausting. 

            Random Thoughts

            • I just read through all 21 (plus a couple extra and they’re not as bad as I thought they would be
            • It does sound like I am obsessed with Bob, but anyway….Lol.

            That’s all for today!

            Bitchin', Life

            Give Me A Sign (#SOCS)

            Forever – and ever
            the scars will remain

            I always like to think that I’m this closed book, but lately I’ve figured out that I’m not. I’m sort of the goofy, quirky, hapless girl who’s always laughing. However, I’m not always laughing on the inside. I’m barely laughing on the inside. In fact most of the time I’m in a constant state of despair on the inside.

            Usually, when I’m in a downward spiral, I get the usual signs. Increased blogging. Check. Lack of constant writing. Check. Low motivation. Check. Low mood. Check. Fatigue. Check. Procrastination. Double check. Fixation (some of y’all can attest to this one). In some ways, the signs make it easy for to figure out why I feel the way I do, but in another sense, it’s bullshit.

            By the time I’ve overcome that, I say to myself, let’s take time to just be. Less sad, of tired, whatever. By the time I’ve done that, the cycle starts all over again. 

            Anyway, I think all of this kind of bleeds out in my personality. The snark, the cynicism, the sarcasm, dry wit, the fact that I turn everything into a joke. I am probably the epitome of old man yells at cloud, but it’s how I deal.

            Anyway, if there was a sign I’d use to represent myself, it’s the caution sign.

            For several reasons.

            1. Not everyone can handle my sense of humour. Often, I’m being facetious when I speak but maybe it’s too deadpan. People take offence and it doesn’t end well.
            2. I’m an idiot (no really I am) and thus makes me annoying at times.
            3. It’s unlikely that you’ll ever fully know the real me.

            To expand on three, I’m at the point where I’m not going to tell certain people candid details about my life. If that makes me fake or whatever, so be it. Often people who seek this knowledge don’t have your best interests at heart. They store it and use it whenever they want to get one over you. Suddenly, that insecurity you shared is being used to make you feel even more insecure and it works. That kind of thing stays with you, or it’s stayed with me.

            Like the lyrics at the start of the post state, forever and ever, the scars will remain, but, you know what? Fuck anyone who isn’t happy with the way I am.

            Unfortunately for them, I’m non-refundable and I don’t do exchanges. 😎

            ~

            This is my entry for this weeks #SOCS, details of which can be found here!

            Lyrics are from Give Me A Sign by Breaking Benjamin. It’s worth a listen if you haven’t heard it already! 

            Random Thoughts

            seeing cows in texas and the peach incident | Random Thoughts #20

            I didn’t write down any random thoughts today, so. Here’s that rambling about Bob post that I was talking about. 

            It’s all novel research, I swear. 

            Is anybody there? We need to reschedule my Bob intervention. Anyway, I thought it go with a lighter post today. 

            If you don’t know who Bob is, he’s a guy that I observe and silently mock on Instagram. He’s the epitome of why I don’t like social media, but in a harmless way. Mostly. I also still don’t get this new version of Instagram. 

            I was going through my following list and I remembered that Milo Ventimiglia no longer posts publicly. His complaint was that he was getting too many comments about his acting (… Milo, considering this was before This Is Us, was that really such a bad thing?) and that no one cared about the pictures. I imagine that a lot of photographers feel that way. I used to love his posts, but that was way back in 2012. I quit before he did. 😂 And then I rejoined just to look at Bob’s posts. 

            I promise you that it’s just research. And okay, fine, he’s pretty. 

            Let’s jump into the title. The random thought was:

            Why would you go to a safari in Texas? I’d just go and see the cows. 

            I wouldn’t actually go and see the cows, but I never said that my thoughts made sense. Also cows deserve some love too. Why don’t we have cow safaris? 

            Also:

            Animals are cute until they open their mouths

            That’s just mean, no matter how true it is. Shame on me. Cats are cute no matter what!

            Anyway, why am I talking about cows? If I’ve posted the previous post, it should say that Bob is in Texas. I haven’t been looking at his videos much, but I ended up on his Instagram again out of guilt. I was watching some of his acting and just laughing. Full on belly laughter. I mean, I did concede that he had improved but it gave me a really good laugh. And then I felt bad because he’s trying. 

            You can’t knock someone for trying. 

            Unfortunately, his Instagram is still equal parts hilarious and cringe worthy. 

            There was:

            • The aforementioned safari – Bob, I want to see the animals, not you panning to your face every five seconds. We know that it’s you making the video, and not only that we can hear you speaking! Fancy that. 
            • His animal baby talk isn’t cute. It’s not the worst, but it was still cringey
            • Gratuitous shirtless pictures – you have a nice body, we get it. 
            • Concert snippets. Why do people do this? It’s actually irritating. Enjoy your concert! This ten second clip isn’t benefiting anyone. At all. 
            • Bob singing along to Creep by REM – which suits him actually, because I am still side eyeing him after the peach incident which I will finally explain. I know you’re excited!
            • Bob letting animal tongue touch him. I. I just can’t. I’m not an animal tongue person.  
            • Vegan donuts – which is desert abomination right there. Sorry vegans. 

            In terms of cringe, the whole thing gets 8/10.  

            In terms of overanalyzing, I get 10/10 but let’s keep pretending that this is research. I’m going to write a novel about Bob dealing with his incessant need to overshare with Instagram.

            Now, onto…

            The Peach Incident

            The peach incident was this really strange moment (to me at least) in one of Bob’s stories. I think it’s been long enough that no one else will know what I’m talking about. 

            • So, anyway, he’s driving and — despite the fact that I bothered my friend relentlessly with Bob updates, I can’t find verbatim quotes of what he said dammit – rambling, and out of nowhere he bites into a peach and says that he loves eating peaches, and that he can eat them all day.  

            It was odd because of the look on his face.I knew that there was something I wasn’t getting, but I was confused as to how him driving and eating fruit was really the time and place for this. Bear in mind that it was around 5am for me. In the same video, there was something about him buying a dozen roses (idk who for). 

            • Side note: I wouldn’t accept a dozen roses from him. I’d probably have to spend an hour filming the perfect moment that he gave me the damn things. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
            • Unless I’m being paid but even then, no. 
            • I can’t believe that people really accept roses for money a la The Bachelor
            • Scratch that, I can

            So, the same day or next day, I’m watching Being Mary Jane and one character whips out a peach in order to… show her dude how to… make the most of their alone time, particularly in relation to her (this is still PG! Well, not really. Sorry, I shall tag this post accordingly! 😂).

            I was sitting there watching and….

            Freaking bingo. 

            This is so what Bob meant. 

            There’s no way he genuinely loves eating peaches. At least not fruit peaches. It’s a euphemism* and somehow, I knew this, but I didn’t really need the full blown out awareness of it in my life.

            I also don’t understand why he doesn’t just focus on the road. This goes out to anyone live broadcasting from their cars. You are the reason why I’m too scared to drive!

            Anyway, this became The Peach Incident. Every time I see the word peach, I crack up. It’s a real problem. Peaches have been ruined because I just remember that look on his face, him biting into it and I start laughing to myself. 

            If you see someone laughing at peaches outside, it’s probably me. 

            Anyway, this entire post is about Bob, so here are some more random thoughts about him. Say what you want about him but he really brings out the best of me in terms of snark. If I posted half of what I say about his posts on his actual posts, I’d be blocked LOL. Or I’d recuse myself from his Instagram. 

            Some highlights:

            My face when I saw Bob’s earring, oh my god. At least get a nice earring, idk what that thing was.

            I think I called it a struggle earring. LOL. 

            I got a notification for a Bob post and I was just like, there’s no point in clicking it because it’ll be gone within two mins. Lo and behold….

            Guess he has more airbrushing to do. I respect that.

            I do! Being that pretty requires editing. I should know, I’m too lazy to do it and my pictures aren’t pretty. 

            when I watch TV shows and something super embarrassing happens, I have to pause it and physically leave the room. That’s basically what I do with his videos. 

            LMAO. It’s true. And I usually watch his videos at 5am so it’s just me cracking up in near darkness and trying not stumble over my shoes while I escape.

            …. Yeah, I need to get a better hobby. 

            *You know, I think it not being a euphemism would be even weirder than the actual video. So I’m choosing to believe that he meant it that way. Yes. Bye. I’m going to go and read all of these posts back and remind myself why we don’t focus on semi semi-famous people anymore. 

            Life, Random Thoughts

            a lonely life where no one understands you | Random Thoughts #19

            Hello, people. It’s ‘Get A Freaking Diary, S!’ time. I’m sure that someone out there is enjoying my rambling. 

            This weekend my friend and I came up with our own motivational/random quote. I’ll post it on Wednesday, but it’s awesome and nonsensical at the same time. Which kind of sums me up. Haha. 

            Anyway, I’ll start by talking about Instagram again because I have no life.

            • Bob is in Texas this week. 
            • The picture he posted was slightly ridiculous. I mean, it was cool and all but I don’t get those people that take pictures of themselves in water. Aren’t they worried about dropping their phones? Bravery, y’all.
            • My Instagram is dead. The people posting pictures either don’t talk to me anymore, or I’m not really a fan of them anymore. I could search for stuff, I guess. Meh. 
            • Bob is basically the most active person on my Instagram. I mean, I’m still not sure what his contribution to society is besides broadcasting his face as much as possible, but then again, my contribution isn’t much either so, I cannot judge. 
            • I’ll wait until when I’m at peak boredom levels and not in a slight state of anxiety. 
            • I still don’t like his picture.
            • Every time I go to post, I get put off because it just feels so pointless. I posted a few pictures this week but I shall disappear for the time being

            The Korn lyric/post title:

            • It’s true. 
            • I was thinking about my friend of ten years who I am no longer friends with. My feelings on that range from, that fucking bitch to…that fucking bitch. So they’re balanced feelings then. 
            • People understand perhaps, but I don’t think they give a hoot. 
            • I don’t blame them. Everyone wants to be understood, but there’s 7 billion of us and that’s too many people to give a shit about
            • I am weird anyway, so, not understanding me is okay. 
            • I don’t even understand myself. 

            Random Thought of the Day

            Was that dish covered? Oh my goodness, I hope it was! I don’t uunderstand. 

            Considering that I’m not eating whatever the hell it was, I’m not sure why I’m so concerned but HELLO, BUGS AND STUFF. 

            Writing update:

            • It’s going. 
            • Slowly
            • I cannot really do much with my hand. 
            • Yesterday I was on meds and trying to write, frustrated and this happened:

            Hate it. Hate it. 

            For one, my brain is foggy. 

            I can’t control my hands very well so I keep making mistakes. So so many mistakes. I cannot keep a single thought together.

            The ideas are coming but not in order. 

            Still, I write, because I’m a masochist. I have to put myself through a different kind of pain while ridding​ myself of another. 

            Time for a sleep methinks…Just spent five minutes staring at a wall. Also my shirt was inside out. 

            Head is extra foggy. 

            Anyway, more later. 

            Uh, okay self… I love that I wasted time writing that instead of just sleeping. 

            Real talk: please don’t compare me to other people

            • I don’t need you to project on me
            • I don’t need you to live vicariously through me
            • I don’t need you to guide me through life
            • I don’t need you to tell me that I’ve achieved nothing in life
            • I don’t need to hear you boast about how successful you’ve been when everyone can see that it not true
            • I don’t need your advice when everything I want in life is everything you turned out not to be
            • I don’t need you to rant and rave when I show no interest
            • I don’t need your negativity and poisonous mindset
            • I don’t need your abuse at all
            • I need you to get a clue and leave me alone

              Writing update 2

              • Finished a story!
              • I need to work on posting some more short stories on here. 
              • I need to work on my short story that’s sort of about me but isn’t. 
              • Finished another story. I’m on a roll. 
              • I will post the second story here because it’s original and based on a WordPress prompt. The other one is fanfic (yes, I dabble in such things). 

                Anyway, have a good week, people!

                random

                The Blue Sky Tag

                I am just here to answer J-Dub’s Blue Sky Tag questions. You can read more here because I’m too lazy to do this tag properly. 🙂

                1. Apple or Android?
                Android all the way.

                2. Truth or Fiction?

                Depends on the situation. Fiction if I feel like I can’t handle the world and truth when people get too wrapped up in fiction. 

                3. Love or money?

                Money! Hey, at least you can use money to buy love. Right? No? Damn. Well. It’s still money. 

                4. Favorite quotation?

                5. Favorite season (if you are lucky enough to have them)?

                Spring. At least it’s not too hot or cold. The pollen, tho. Ick.

                6. Who is your biggest inspiration?

                …. Batman. The William sisters. Obama. Not necessarily in that order. Lol. 

                7. Do you have any pets?

                No. I want a cat, though. They’re so cute. 

                8. What are you most proud of?

                My writing, I guess? I have no idea. Being able to make people laugh? My earring collection. Ask me again in five years. 😂

                9. Describe yourself in one word?

                Quirky. 😉

                10. Do you have a nickname?

                PJ, Snark or S, lol. I’m one of those people who goes by codenames online. I’m a spy. (I’m not really a spy, NSA, you don’t have to worry). 

                11. What is the last book you read?

                I’m currently reading Born A Crime by Trevor Noah. I don’t have a good record with finishing books. I have the attention span of a three year old. It’s sad.