Awkward Situations, Bitchin'

Dear Former Friend…

Dear Former Friend,

Or rather, what’s up bitch?

Yeah, it’s kind of like that. It’s been over a year since we first got into an argument over something that actually matters for once.

It’s been over a year since we more or less stopped speaking.

That’s a shame.

No, really, it is. I still think you’re an idiot for saying what you did. I think you’re ignorant, self-centred and too lazy to look up basic information. I think you’re naive, misinformed and not interested in changing that about yourself.

These are the reasons why I stopped talking to you.

I suppose I expected you to re-evaluate yourself and actually get back to me. I expected you to Google your shit.

It’s safe to say that I expected too much.

Anyway, our friendship is done and I guess I’m okay with it.

I still have various reminders of you, the gifts you sent, the way I always kept the packaging and how I randomly found your address within my stuff the other day.

I still have one more gift that I never sent to you, but I have no idea where it is.

Much like you, it’s vanished without a trace.

And I can’t say that I didn’t try. I gave you the perfect opening to try and amend things but clearly you’re not interested.

That means that I’m not interested.

I’m sorry for not being the kind of friend that doesn’t call you out on your shit, but not sorry for calling you out.

Hopefully you’ve learnt how to think before you speak.

Lots of love lost,

Me.

P.S. I found the gift. It’s probably going to go to someone else. Too bad.

~

Damn, y’all. It’s been quiet here too. Usually I’m chatty on one blog or the other. I guess I’ll update you all soon. I have a whole bunch of things saved – so I was writing but not posting. Weird but not weird at the same time. Lol!

More later!

Life, Random Thoughts

someday you will be loved | Random Thoughts #21

Greetings all, it’s that time.

I tend to write these over a period of days. However, #20 was hijacked by Bob. We’ll continue file it under research. Ahem. Maybe I can turn it into a short story series? Haha. Hahaha. Ha. I’m also not going to post it yet so… I’M OUT OF ORDER! –Pacino voice– Continue reading “someday you will be loved | Random Thoughts #21”

Life, Random Thoughts

a lonely life where no one understands you | Random Thoughts #19

Hello, people. It’s ‘Get A Freaking Diary, S!’ time. I’m sure that someone out there is enjoying my rambling. 

This weekend my friend and I came up with our own motivational/random quote. I’ll post it on Wednesday, but it’s awesome and nonsensical at the same time. Which kind of sums me up. Haha. 

Anyway, I’ll start by talking about Instagram again because I have no life.

  • Bob is in Texas this week. 
  • The picture he posted was slightly ridiculous. I mean, it was cool and all but I don’t get those people that take pictures of themselves in water. Aren’t they worried about dropping their phones? Bravery, y’all.
  • My Instagram is dead. The people posting pictures either don’t talk to me anymore, or I’m not really a fan of them anymore. I could search for stuff, I guess. Meh. 
  • Bob is basically the most active person on my Instagram. I mean, I’m still not sure what his contribution to society is besides broadcasting his face as much as possible, but then again, my contribution isn’t much either so, I cannot judge. 
  • I’ll wait until when I’m at peak boredom levels and not in a slight state of anxiety. 
  • I still don’t like his picture.
  • Every time I go to post, I get put off because it just feels so pointless. I posted a few pictures this week but I shall disappear for the time being

The Korn lyric/post title:

  • It’s true. 
  • I was thinking about my friend of ten years who I am no longer friends with. My feelings on that range from, that fucking bitch to…that fucking bitch. So they’re balanced feelings then. 
  • People understand perhaps, but I don’t think they give a hoot. 
  • I don’t blame them. Everyone wants to be understood, but there’s 7 billion of us and that’s too many people to give a shit about
  • I am weird anyway, so, not understanding me is okay. 
  • I don’t even understand myself. 

Random Thought of the Day

Was that dish covered? Oh my goodness, I hope it was! I don’t uunderstand. 

Considering that I’m not eating whatever the hell it was, I’m not sure why I’m so concerned but HELLO, BUGS AND STUFF. 

Writing update:

  • It’s going. 
  • Slowly
  • I cannot really do much with my hand. 
  • Yesterday I was on meds and trying to write, frustrated and this happened:

Hate it. Hate it. 

For one, my brain is foggy. 

I can’t control my hands very well so I keep making mistakes. So so many mistakes. I cannot keep a single thought together.

The ideas are coming but not in order. 

Still, I write, because I’m a masochist. I have to put myself through a different kind of pain while ridding​ myself of another. 

Time for a sleep methinks…Just spent five minutes staring at a wall. Also my shirt was inside out. 

Head is extra foggy. 

Anyway, more later. 

Uh, okay self… I love that I wasted time writing that instead of just sleeping. 

Real talk: please don’t compare me to other people

  • I don’t need you to project on me
  • I don’t need you to live vicariously through me
  • I don’t need you to guide me through life
  • I don’t need you to tell me that I’ve achieved nothing in life
  • I don’t need to hear you boast about how successful you’ve been when everyone can see that it not true
  • I don’t need your advice when everything I want in life is everything you turned out not to be
  • I don’t need you to rant and rave when I show no interest
  • I don’t need your negativity and poisonous mindset
  • I don’t need your abuse at all
  • I need you to get a clue and leave me alone

    Writing update 2

    • Finished a story!
    • I need to work on posting some more short stories on here. 
    • I need to work on my short story that’s sort of about me but isn’t. 
    • Finished another story. I’m on a roll. 
    • I will post the second story here because it’s original and based on a WordPress prompt. The other one is fanfic (yes, I dabble in such things). 

      Anyway, have a good week, people!

      Awkward Situations, Life

      leave them all behind

      [the statement: The only friend I need is myself

      the admission: actually, other friends would be kinda nice]

      I got a message from a friend a few days ago. It was out of the blue really, although, I’d just been thinking about her. It’s strange to me. I’m the kind of person that’s always kept up with people, but I have a habit of befriending people who can’t be bothered. Or they’re too busy to make time. The list goes on. And on. 

      At the end of the day, I am one person and just having three or four friends like that is a lot. All of my friends being like that was too much. So I have zero. Yes, I’m friendless for the most part. I mean, I have friends, but only a few people that I’d feel obligated to get in touch with after say a couple of weeks of not talking. I’m done with all of that for now. 

      Friends kind of suck. 

      Or maybe I am the friend that sucks. 

      It doesn’t matter. I always swear I am done with it. I’ll admit that I do sometimes wake up and think is this normal but you know what? Fuck it. I’m happy to be the disposable friend. Y’all can say hi and I’ll say hi back and wait for you to initiate our next period of silence. Is that cool? 

      I have a friend that I went to school with. The second we weren’t in classes together anymore, it was crickets. I can’t even get a Twitter reply from her these days. Someone I know in real life. The audacity of it all. I don’t have better luck online to be honest. I attract certain people. Or I’m too nice. Probably a combination. I’m reliable S, always there when someone needs something or has an issue. I will always reply when I’m able to because I know what it’s like to not get replies. These days it doesn’t bother me much. I’ve conditioned myself to see responses as a bonus, and I have enough anxiety that sometimes silence isn’t the worst thing. 

      Anyway, why am I suddenly ranting about this? Well, the loves of my life (seriously, I’d marry any of the unmarried members if they were interested. I can relocate to Canada!) Billy Talent have a song on their album called ‘Leave Them All Behind‘ which I adore. It’s an inspirational song that sort of makes me want to run away? Not in a bad way. 

      Obviously, I can’t due to lack of funds, but seriously, I want to leave everyone behind and just do my own thing away from continuous disappointment. 

      Sometimes, a girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do. 

      Sometimes. 

      ~

      Written as a response to Linda G. Hill’s SOCS prompt

      A to Z Challenge 2017, Awkward Situations

      F(riendship) – #AtoZChallenge

      pexels-photo-201817

      I am way behind. Both with writing and commenting on other people’s! 

      Anyway, friendship. Friendship is one of those things that are we always seem to be searching for (or running away from). Most of us want sitcom friendships, y’know, where breakfast, lunch, dinner and every waking moment not related to character specific plots are spent together. Most of us get the opposite. Friends who don’t call or reply to text messages. Friends who suck. The lucky ones get the good friends. The kind that read their shitty stories and listen to them whine at stupid’o’clock or wax poetically about Tom Hardy’s lips. 

      In my case, I lost the friend lottery very early on in life. Every best friend I’ve ever had would suddenly start ignoring me in favour of a third person. Although, maybe it was all in my mind. Perhaps I was just the clingy friend. It all dates back to when I was a kid. When I was bullied, the friends I had would leave me on my own because it was either that or stand up to the bully who declared me a no friend zone. The sad thing is that I just accepted it. I’d hang out by myself or with the younger students. I always remember those little brats destroying my bright orange jacket (probably for the best). It’s strange because people tend to gravitate towards me but they don’t seem to want to stick around. I’ve been told how awesome I am by so many different people, but apparently that means nothing when it comes to keeping in touch. 

      Eventually all of these little things add up. In the past I have found myself showering friends with gifts so that they would like me. I tried to be an ear to everyone, tried to go out of my way if they needed help. I’m always trying to help people but the issue is that sometimes I need something back. Rarely do I get it. 

      There are two things that are major friendship no-nos for me. The first is ignoring me. I don’t need anyone to take time out for me, but let a girl know what’s up. It takes two seconds to tell me that you’re busy. The second is expecting me to be the one to ALWAYS get in touch. The second came about after I had a falling out with my close friends from school. They decided to stop speaking to me without informing me. I only had a clue that they were angry because someone else told me. Apparently I’d uploaded a slideshow online and they didn’t want their pictures up. Fair enough, it wasn’t my intention to do that. In fact, they had all seen the video beforehand. All it would have taken is for one person to say, ‘hey, Snark, can you take that video down?’. Instead it became this crazy argument that I wasn’t even part of. 

      Needless to say, things cooled soon after that.

      Since then, I tend to friend one or two people. I don’t do huge groups. Too much potential disappointment. I don’t hold onto friends tightly anymore and I’m cool with sporadic communication. I’m never going to have an Instagram page filled with cutesy pictures of friends having fun but I don’t care. 

      Being a hermit is cheaper and less headache inducing. I have more time to laze around in bed and watch shitty television. 

      Friends come and go, and I’m okay with that. 

      Life is too short to chase after people who don’t care.

      Written as part of the a to z challenge.

      Awkward Situations

      You Handed Me The Scissors (Quote of the Day)

      If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors.

      I shall put a positive spin on this by saying that I’m more of a eraser than a cutter. You might fade to black but I won’t treat you like a leper. I tend to forgive easily but only when people actually ask for it

      People apologize but never follow it up by asking you if you can somehow get past what they’ve done. 

      Friendship is like a book that never seems to end until one day you just don’t pick it up again.