A to Z Challenge 2017, Awkward Situations

F(riendship) – #AtoZChallenge

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I am way behind. Both with writing and commenting on other people’s! 

Anyway, friendship. Friendship is one of those things that are we always seem to be searching for (or running away from). Most of us want sitcom friendships, y’know, where breakfast, lunch, dinner and every waking moment not related to character specific plots are spent together. Most of us get the opposite. Friends who don’t call or reply to text messages. Friends who suck. The lucky ones get the good friends. The kind that read their shitty stories and listen to them whine at stupid’o’clock or wax poetically about Tom Hardy’s lips. 

In my case, I lost the friend lottery very early on in life. Every best friend I’ve ever had would suddenly start ignoring me in favour of a third person. Although, maybe it was all in my mind. Perhaps I was just the clingy friend. It all dates back to when I was a kid. When I was bullied, the friends I had would leave me on my own because it was either that or stand up to the bully who declared me a no friend zone. The sad thing is that I just accepted it. I’d hang out by myself or with the younger students. I always remember those little brats destroying my bright orange jacket (probably for the best). It’s strange because people tend to gravitate towards me but they don’t seem to want to stick around. I’ve been told how awesome I am by so many different people, but apparently that means nothing when it comes to keeping in touch. 

Eventually all of these little things add up. In the past I have found myself showering friends with gifts so that they would like me. I tried to be an ear to everyone, tried to go out of my way if they needed help. I’m always trying to help people but the issue is that sometimes I need something back. Rarely do I get it. 

There are two things that are major friendship no-nos for me. The first is ignoring me. I don’t need anyone to take time out for me, but let a girl know what’s up. It takes two seconds to tell me that you’re busy. The second is expecting me to be the one to ALWAYS get in touch. The second came about after I had a falling out with my close friends from school. They decided to stop speaking to me without informing me. I only had a clue that they were angry because someone else told me. Apparently I’d uploaded a slideshow online and they didn’t want their pictures up. Fair enough, it wasn’t my intention to do that. In fact, they had all seen the video beforehand. All it would have taken is for one person to say, ‘hey, Snark, can you take that video down?’. Instead it became this crazy argument that I wasn’t even part of. 

Needless to say, things cooled soon after that.

Since then, I tend to friend one or two people. I don’t do huge groups. Too much potential disappointment. I don’t hold onto friends tightly anymore and I’m cool with sporadic communication. I’m never going to have an Instagram page filled with cutesy pictures of friends having fun but I don’t care. 

Being a hermit is cheaper and less headache inducing. I have more time to laze around in bed and watch shitty television. 

Friends come and go, and I’m okay with that. 

Life is too short to chase after people who don’t care.

Written as part of the a to z challenge.

Awkward Situations

You Handed Me The Scissors (Quote of the Day)

If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors.

I shall put a positive spin on this by saying that I’m more of a eraser than a cutter. You might fade to black but I won’t treat you like a leper. I tend to forgive easily but only when people actually ask for it

People apologize but never follow it up by asking you if you can somehow get past what they’ve done. 

Friendship is like a book that never seems to end until one day you just don’t pick it up again. 

Awkward Situations, Life

One Liner Wednesday: I’m done, have fun

It was my friend’s birthday this week but I haven’t spoken to her since October. It was a conscious decision but one that was also due to the fact that I was busy. In all of that time, I’ve not heard from her. Usually, I email her for her birthday but I didn’t want to be the one to break the silence. I don’t think she gets just how much she upset me and how much I feel like we are now two strangers. Even if I wanted to be tight with her again, my conscience wouldn’t allow it. It’s not that I can’t forgive it’s that there was no real attempt to understand my side of things, just what I thought was a flimsy apology and her admitting that she has no time to undo her ignorance. I accepted the apology but I don’t have to accept feeling bad. So yeah, it’s done for now.

I sent her an ecard this week and she opened it about two hours after but there was no acknowledgement. I’m guessing she doesn’t know that I am notified when it’s open but…Yeah, I know! Obviously, she could have been busy or something but I took it for what it was. 

It’s obvious not great to think that you’ve lost a friend but there comes a point where you have to just push it aside and just let whatever happens happen. We could talk tomorrow or we could never talk again. I can’t stress out over something that I can’t control. 


This is a response to this week’s One Liner Wednesday.

Awkward Situations, Life

The masochist with manners

So I did something I swore that I wouldn’t do, people. I emailed an old friend because I discovered something by accident and I couldn’t just not bother to acknowledge it. Or well I could but it was just playing on my mind. So I sat down on my way home and sent the email. 

I’M REGRETTING IT NOW. 

Yes, being polite is all very well but…I need to stop doing these things to myself. Now I’m officially that person who never gets the hint.I don’t intend on replying to any reply but eh. The damage is done. 

Dramatics aside, it was the right thing to do. Not for them but for me. 

This is all very vague but I’ll elaborate later if I get a reply. I just needed to confess to my idiocy and masochistic ways. 

Life, things that people say

I’m Always Here If You Want To Talk

Things That People Say: I’m always here if you want to talk

What (some of them) mean: I’m just saying it to be nice. I don’t really want to lend you my shoulder because I just don’t.

These people are the worst. Some maybe have no clue what to say. I remember when I was away from home and going through a rough time. I confided in a few friends. One of them basically ignored it. The other one got back a few weeks later with an emoji. I said nothing but I have pulled away from them both. Sorry that I have problems and whatnot. If it had been a matter of life of death, that would have been it. In the end, intervention came in the form of a website called https://www.elefriends.org.uk. It was just what I needed and soon after life became the distraction I needed from well, life. So, if you ever feel alone and sad – check out that site. Or blog about it. Whatever works šŸ™‚

Life

This the season to be jolly. Or not.

First of all, Happy Holidays to all. 

Secondly, yeah, I’m going to be cynical about Christmas. I wouldn’t be me if I wasnt.

Christmas is over. It took a while to get here and approached us in that overwhelming way it tends too as you get older. When you’re a kid it’s a day of being able to stuff your face and receive presents without having to beg your parents unsuccessfully. 

As an adult? Meh. As a socially stunted and possible hermit adult. Double meh. Don’t get me wrong, I had a decent time but as I surveyed my phone, I realised I was light on Christmas wishes. That’s not unusual because I’m usually the one who messages people. This year I kept that to a minimum. I suppose it is just a matter of pleasantries, but still, it would be nice to receive something. 

And oddly enough, I did, not including replies to the messages I sent first. It was from someone I barely speak to. I would call us acquaintances as opposed to friends but they took the minute to send me a quick email and I appreciated that. Come New Year, I will wish them a happy one.

As for everyone else? Well, I doubt that they care. 

I avoided social media for the first part. You tend to get the same kind of messages. The pictures of gifts, the food pictures, the constant  (and often boring) updates of the day. The way people want you to know how much fun they’re having…all while simultaneously glued to their phone. 

In a sense, Christmas is a charade. A day when we make a lot of effort in order to achieve perfection. We obsess over luxuries and take things for granted. I remember having a friend who was unhappy with a gift she received from her parents. Apparently, it was cheap and not as good as another. This friend can sometimes come across as a bit selfish, perhaps unintentionally. So as she ranted and raved, I wondered if she considered that maybe they couldn’t afford a better one. Or even asking for the receipt in a subtle manner and getting the better version later. Probably not. 

Now, Iā€™m not saying people can’t like gifts but it seems like somewhere along the way, we’ve lost sight of what Christmas should be like. 

A day of relaxing and spending time with people, enjoying yourself and casting aside the stress and worry for one day. 

Personally, I’d have liked to have spent mine in bed, but we can’t always have what we want. šŸ˜› 


Written in response to Festive