A to Z Challenge 2017, Awkward Situations

F(riendship) – #AtoZChallenge

pexels-photo-201817

I am way behind. Both with writing and commenting on other people’s! 

Anyway, friendship. Friendship is one of those things that are we always seem to be searching for (or running away from). Most of us want sitcom friendships, y’know, where breakfast, lunch, dinner and every waking moment not related to character specific plots are spent together. Most of us get the opposite. Friends who don’t call or reply to text messages. Friends who suck. The lucky ones get the good friends. The kind that read their shitty stories and listen to them whine at stupid’o’clock or wax poetically about Tom Hardy’s lips. 

In my case, I lost the friend lottery very early on in life. Every best friend I’ve ever had would suddenly start ignoring me in favour of a third person. Although, maybe it was all in my mind. Perhaps I was just the clingy friend. It all dates back to when I was a kid. When I was bullied, the friends I had would leave me on my own because it was either that or stand up to the bully who declared me a no friend zone. The sad thing is that I just accepted it. I’d hang out by myself or with the younger students. I always remember those little brats destroying my bright orange jacket (probably for the best). It’s strange because people tend to gravitate towards me but they don’t seem to want to stick around. I’ve been told how awesome I am by so many different people, but apparently that means nothing when it comes to keeping in touch. 

Eventually all of these little things add up. In the past I have found myself showering friends with gifts so that they would like me. I tried to be an ear to everyone, tried to go out of my way if they needed help. I’m always trying to help people but the issue is that sometimes I need something back. Rarely do I get it. 

There are two things that are major friendship no-nos for me. The first is ignoring me. I don’t need anyone to take time out for me, but let a girl know what’s up. It takes two seconds to tell me that you’re busy. The second is expecting me to be the one to ALWAYS get in touch. The second came about after I had a falling out with my close friends from school. They decided to stop speaking to me without informing me. I only had a clue that they were angry because someone else told me. Apparently I’d uploaded a slideshow online and they didn’t want their pictures up. Fair enough, it wasn’t my intention to do that. In fact, they had all seen the video beforehand. All it would have taken is for one person to say, ‘hey, Snark, can you take that video down?’. Instead it became this crazy argument that I wasn’t even part of. 

Needless to say, things cooled soon after that.

Since then, I tend to friend one or two people. I don’t do huge groups. Too much potential disappointment. I don’t hold onto friends tightly anymore and I’m cool with sporadic communication. I’m never going to have an Instagram page filled with cutesy pictures of friends having fun but I don’t care. 

Being a hermit is cheaper and less headache inducing. I have more time to laze around in bed and watch shitty television. 

Friends come and go, and I’m okay with that. 

Life is too short to chase after people who don’t care.

Written as part of the a to z challenge.

Awkward Situations

You Handed Me The Scissors (Quote of the Day)

If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors.

I shall put a positive spin on this by saying that I’m more of a eraser than a cutter. You might fade to black but I won’t treat you like a leper. I tend to forgive easily but only when people actually ask for it

People apologize but never follow it up by asking you if you can somehow get past what they’ve done. 

Friendship is like a book that never seems to end until one day you just don’t pick it up again. 

Awkward Situations, Life

One Liner Wednesday: I’m done, have fun

It was my friend’s birthday this week but I haven’t spoken to her since October. It was a conscious decision but one that was also due to the fact that I was busy. In all of that time, I’ve not heard from her. Usually, I email her for her birthday but I didn’t want to be the one to break the silence. I don’t think she gets just how much she upset me and how much I feel like we are now two strangers. Even if I wanted to be tight with her again, my conscience wouldn’t allow it. It’s not that I can’t forgive it’s that there was no real attempt to understand my side of things, just what I thought was a flimsy apology and her admitting that she has no time to undo her ignorance. I accepted the apology but I don’t have to accept feeling bad. So yeah, it’s done for now.

I sent her an ecard this week and she opened it about two hours after but there was no acknowledgement. I’m guessing she doesn’t know that I am notified when it’s open but…Yeah, I know! Obviously, she could have been busy or something but I took it for what it was. 

It’s obvious not great to think that you’ve lost a friend but there comes a point where you have to just push it aside and just let whatever happens happen. We could talk tomorrow or we could never talk again. I can’t stress out over something that I can’t control. 


This is a response to this week’s One Liner Wednesday.

Awkward Situations, Life

Excuse me, miss 

I’ve already blogged about an incident that occurred between me and a friend of mine. She apologised and I reluctantly accepted. And that’s it. Except, no, it isn’t.

If I have to force an apology from someone then it’s not okay. And like I said in the linked post, I could buy that the initial statements were an oversight on her part but everything else…nah.

So, I have limited my interaction with this person. While I think it’s the right thing to do, now I feel guilty. Maybe I should accept the apology wholeheartedly and move past this. Compromise, somehow. Forgive the comment and move on.

Maybe I should, but, I don’t think I want to.

The thing that gets me is that she claimed she didn’t know that I was upset even though I was very angry. I’m not sure if she was playing dumb or just couldn’t be bothered but I’m sure it ranks low on her ‘Do I care?’ scale.

I’ve spoken to her a few times since her ‘apology’. That was October. I didn’t get back to her and I haven’t heard from her since. Maybe being petty but I’m legit mad that she didn’t wish me a Happy New Year. Sure, I could have just paused our one-sided beef and sent a message but I’ve deciced not to bullshit myself this year. Doing that would have upset me. So now I wait. Well, until her birthday at least because that’s just manners. Still. The uncertainty annoys me. I’d rather know that we are deuces than know that she’s unaware that part of me is still pissed at her flippant behaviour.

Oh well.


Joint response to the Jan 23rd prompts of Oversight (Daily) and Compromise (JusJoJan)

Awkward Situations, Life

Forgiveness is kind of strange.

Forgiveness is strange. We either vow to forgive somebody someday or we forgive quietly without even realising.

I reached out to a former friend this week to say something that I needed to. I kept it brief and didn’t ask how they were specifically because I didn’t want to know. I wanted to say my thing and get nothing back. Unfortunately life doesn’t work that way. At first, I was annoyed that I didn’t get a response immediately.

It takes me forever to reply to my own emails.  Continue reading “Forgiveness is kind of strange.”

Awkward Situations, Life

The masochist with manners

So I did something I swore that I wouldn’t do, people. I emailed an old friend because I discovered something by accident and I couldn’t just not bother to acknowledge it. Or well I could but it was just playing on my mind. So I sat down on my way home and sent the email. 

I’M REGRETTING IT NOW. 

Yes, being polite is all very well but…I need to stop doing these things to myself. Now I’m officially that person who never gets the hint.I don’t intend on replying to any reply but eh. The damage is done. 

Dramatics aside, it was the right thing to do. Not for them but for me. 

This is all very vague but I’ll elaborate later if I get a reply. I just needed to confess to my idiocy and masochistic ways.