This is so frustrating | Unplugged #3

Thing I’m doing: job application

Written 9th August

Okay, so, the last time I actually applied for a job was a while ago. Shortly before that disgusting slump I went (and am still going) through – that I spoke about here

Anyway, I found a job that sounds good and it doesn’t even have annoying questions. I just need to write a statement and I don’t think there’s any word count or anything. However, the job description is very detailed. Luckily, I have a really good template for the skills section and that’s done. However, the qualifications and experience is where I need to do the real work. 

Now, it’s due on Friday at 5pm and I’m nowhere near done. I put it off for a long time. I was supposed to complete it over the weekend, but that didn’t happen. Given that I’m miserable at my current job, I should be eager to complete it but… physically and mentally, it’s like I’m still recovering from everything. There’s this weird haziness that I’ve had over the past two weeks. Not even fatigue but haziness. Basically, if I don’t take a Vitamin B complex pill, I can barely function. 

Right now I work part-time, so it’s okay. I wonder if some part of me is just reluctant to go from a job where I’m more or less afforded the flexibility to manage how bad I feel to one where I’m doing 40+ hours. I wonder because whenever I sit down to work on this, I last five minutes before my brain becomes so foggy that I can’t think. It’s like someone has shoved cement marshmallows in my head and I’m trying to claw past them. It feels like shit and I’m slowly running out of ideas. Out of all of the issues I’ve had in life, this is the most awful one. My back condition, I can manage, the low moods and anxiety, I can manage, but not feeling like I can think straight, I can’t manage. 

It’s really irritating. It’s maddening. I would be angry if I could manage it. Instead I feel… like I’m wading in water. Ugh. I know I ought to go to the doctor, but the thought of going through tests and everything is so exhausting that I don’t bother. 

Anyone got any tips? I don’t think this is a mental thing anymore. It started off that way, but that’s a post for another time. Now it’s physical. I’m not tired but I’m always in pain, there’s always something. A few weeks ago I had a panic attack (I think I blogged about that? Idk) and while I blamed it on work, I discovered that it was probably the pain medication that caused that meltdown. 

I didn’t take a sinking pill afterwards until Tuesday when I was like, fuck it. It worked wonders, but halfway through getting my words mixed up I realised that codeine on an empty stomach isn’t the best idea. I was all over the place and not in a good way. Now it’s faded and I can’t tell if this heaviness in my brain is the drowsiness side effect or just regular scheduled programming. Probably both. 

Ah, anyway, today’s unplugged was my job application and it didn’t quite work out but I’m determined to get back on this horse. Wish me luck. 🙂

#SoCS/Random Thoughts #34

This week has flown by. I’m so happy for that. So very very happy.

I don’t have much to say.

I have been starving all week. I’m talking seriously about to eat a yogurt at 3am hunger. I’m craving sugar, chocolate and my bubblemint gum isn’t helping matters. I’m hungry!

Now, fast speed of the week aside…

Life has been kicking me in the butt this week. I managed to scratch myself while using Vaseline on my legs. How, you ask? Well, your guess is as good as mine. One minute I’m rubbing it on and the next, there’s a weird pale mark on my leg and oh shit is that skin on my nail? After that the bleeding started and I had to clean it up and find a plaster and all of the fun stuff that comes with that.

Fast forward to the day before that or thereabouts and your girl got onto the wrong escalators and didn’t realise. After a few heart stopping moments, I managed to scramble back up and find the right one. I my defence, they pulled the old switcheroo on me, but it wasn’t my finest moment.

I’ve also managed to walk into several things and poke myself in the eye.

I lead a very dangerous (and clumsy) life. 

Continue reading “#SoCS/Random Thoughts #34”

shut up and drink your tea | Random Thoughts #27

Our first (not so random) thought is:

He has problems

Obviously this was my response to Bob this week. He posted some clip from movie with Jason Isaacs, who had some kind of drill attached to some dude’s mouth and I don’t even know. There was blood involved and I had to turn my phone away. I guess it was a horror movie [looked it up, it was A Cure For Wellness] of some sort.

In the next clip, Bob is sarcastically (at least that’s how I took it) saying that the movie had ‘fucking amazing cinematography’ and that he hoped we enjoyed that. I had to turn my phone away, bro. Fuck you. I seemed to move on though, because next he had a picture of his shoes which were cool. I would screenshot them, but yeah, Bob shall remain anonymous. Sort of anonymous. I would feel bad if he ever knew that I have dedicated multiple posts to mocking him. LOL. 

It would be hilarious, though. I’m mean that way. 😝

That bird is definitely about to poop on someone

This bird flew over me and made a nose that souned like an evil cackle. I kid you not. I was just laughing to myself. It sounded way too pleased with itself. I could just tell it was about to wreak havoc on someone. I’m glad that it wasn’t me. 

Pain, pain, go away

Everything hurts. Legs. Back. Arms. Wrists. Everything. I think it’s a result of going back to work after nine days off (woo!). This is how I used to feel the day after PE class but ten times worse. I’m guessing I have muscle sprains and strains. I am finally taking meds for it. Last week Aunt Flo was in town and I don’t like taking medication for that. This week… bleh. I need a new job. 

What the fuck do I do with it?

I have no idea what this thought was about but I’m sure I ask this question at least ten times a day. 

Obviously you do care!

Bob again. I was waiting for the kettle to boil so I checked out his story. 

Bob started off by saying that this is what his mornings look like. There was some serious bedhead, but the artfully tousled kind and not my kind where my hair is a bush and there’s crust on my eyes (but, hey, I’m sexy too! Just ask my postman). Anyway, after that he drinks his tea and he says that during this time he likes to look at his Instafeed. Okaaaay.

What he said next had me like….

He goes into this rant about how he has noticed that companies and certain people buy likes and followers which is stupid and wrong. He says that companies would probably deny it if asked but ‘he doesn’t care’ it’s up to them to do what they want. And THEN, he was like ‘it’s kind of narcissistic. It’s narcissism.’

I was LAUGHING SO HARD. 

Bob, you’re straight done. 

1. Huge difference between narcissism and deception. Buying followers and likes isn’t narcissism, it’s just dishonest and designed to deceive. 

2. Bob, brother, if we’re talking about actual narcissism, you’re part of the problem. Every picture on your feed is of YOURSELF! 

3. Shut up and drink your tea, Bob.

Anyway, I guess halfway through he decided to ‘act’ and jokingly tell someone to shut the fuck up because his story is way more important than theirs. By that point, I was convinced that the whole thing was some kind of spoof. I’m still not sure that I didn’t imagine it all. 

Either way, thanks for the laugh, Bob!

His cute friend made an appearance today…He was doing ‘curls for the girls’ as Bob put it. I think I’d probably punch Bob in the face if we were friends. I was contemplating following him [Bob’s cute friend], but I got thinking about how much room for stupidity I have left in my life. Work takes up most of the quota. Bob takes up a fair amount also. Hard pass. 

Also, they were at the gym which really annoys me. Part of why I’m too afraid (okay, so maybe I’m lazy) to go to the gym is all of this Snapchat and live video nonsense. Is nothing and nowhere sacred anymore?? I ended up in a Twitter video today, smh. Nothing special but still. Can you not?

Complete and utter madness

Everyone at my job is incompetent bar a few people. That’s all. 

I’m officially doing too much

Can someone PLEASE schedule my Bob intervention? Some of the bullshit he posts just makes my head hurt. I’ve also figured out how to save people’s stories (why? Every second I miss from Bob is a blessing!). 

I need help, guys. Please help me. 

Gone Dark

Written on 4th July

Random Thoughts has gone dark. As of writing, my internet is DOWN!

It’s a travesty.

Anyway, I’m back at work this week and Aunt Flo literally came to town as I arrived. She made her presence known. I’m talking full blown cramps that would have me rolling on the floor if I hadn’t been dealing with this nonsense since I was a young’un. It’s funny because every time Aunt Flo comes along it’s like I’m doing this shit for the first time. The level of irritation and horror is always different. It’s never the same. It’s like being visited by a genuine family member who’s always in some kind of trouble. 

However, this visit was a lot more stable than the last two.

Or three? As far back as April. Whenever I started going on about Bob (model/actor/writer/narcissist/rampantly shirtless/terrible caption writer/provider of secondhand embarrassment that I follow on Instagram). My whole Bob fixation/obsession/casual observation began at the beginning of that period (no pun intended) so we can blame that on Aunt Flo.

At the time, it was more feeling low and depressed than anything else but I didn’t realise what was in store. Nine weeks of horror. I get that this is TMI, but who else am I going to tell this to? My diary? Actually. That might be better but I’ve started it now.

Anyway, I will admit that I’m not one of those girls who keeps track with Aunt Flo. I’ve never gotten into the habit of writing it down because usually, I knew she was coming when I felt the sharp, stabbing cramps. That system worked very well until last year.

Last year Aunt Flo went crazy. Now, she was already crazy, but I didn’t realise how bad it was until I was living away from home and I didn’t need to do anything for anyone but myself. Oh, boy. I’m talking fatigue, not being able to function, cramps, just all around uselessness. The worst thing was that this usually came after Aunt Flo packed her bags. So, I would have one week to anticipate her arrival, three days of her wonderful company and then one week of feeling like I’d been hit by a truck, one week of recovering and then…Aunt Flo would be back! It was like being strapped to a rollercoaster. 

I put that down to stress because three weeks between her visits is not enough time. Like. Seriously. No. Never. I need a 28 day cycle please. 

Anyway, going back to this April, the same shit happened again. I had three visits in about two months (just over – nine weeks). It was horrendous. I reached a point where I was just tired. I’d wake up tired. Go to bed tired. Wake up tired. Go to bed tired. Everything tired. Around the same time, I ended up with a ganglion on my wrist and some other issue in my other wrist and I couldn’t lean on them. I could barely type but I did anyway, because what else was I going to do? Sit here and feel sorry for myself? Nah.

The pain is on and off now in my wrist. I’m not sure what really triggers it (I’m lying – everything does). I have worn some form of brace on a near enough daily basis since it became very bad and that seems to be helping. 

So, yeah. If I hadn’t taken a week off work, I have no idea how I’d be feeling now. I am not looking forward to next week*. Something has got to give.

For now, I’m looking into taking vitamins and supplements – I definitely think my iron is low after all of that. Hopefully, I can get a regular routine and slowly return back to the land of the living because the last thing any of us needs is Bob 2.0.

That would be the real travesty. 

(*The following week was awful as predicted. God help me.)

(N)oise | #AtoZChallenge

One of my biggest issues is that certain noises irritate me. If you’ve heard of misophonia, then you’ll understand. If not then… You’re lucky!

It started with chewing. I don’t know if it’s part of your body developing but one day I became aware that certain family members chewed loudly. I’m talking lip smacking, chomping all of that disgusting mess. I cannot tolerate it. Loud chewing makes me unbelievably irritable and angry. Even when I’m with friends, I have to sit there and carefully interest myself in something else because I can’t stand the noise of chewing. Even my own chewing irritates me from time to time. I have to eat quickly just so that I can’t get annoyed. 
It spiraled from there. 

Heavy breathing, sniffing, loud clearing of the throat, rustling. Whistling. Humming. Sometimes it can be people talking. Birds chirping. The sound of feet slapping in flip flops (ugh). Any irritating noise imaginable. People chewing gum recklessly is the WORST. Y’all sound like goats, can you shush.

It sounds ridiculous but it can set off a horrible chain of events in my brain and I can go from normal to extremely annoyed in about three seconds. It’s a full blown physical and mental reaction. 

Often, the first instinct is to get away from the noise but at times, you can’t. I remember having an exam one time and I think this girl kept on sniffing or creaking her chair. I was so agitated that I could barely focus. 

With chewing, I had to resort to music because it was so bad. These days, moving away or talking loudly so that I can distract myself can do the trick but often I just have to endure it until it stops. 

It seems like such a minor hindrance but it’s so frustrating to live with. I may have to invest in some earplugs. Like actually invest in the stock because I will clearly be needing a lifetime supply.