Awkward Situations, Life, Random Thoughts

i’m trying | Random Thoughts #28

Mood

See this post
Shit that happened

So I was at the butchers and I gave my order and made sure to avoid eye contact because they are always creepy. I looked up around the time that it should have been ready and I saw the guy serving me blowing kisses through the mirror. I was wondering what the fuck he was doing when I realised that he was blowing kisses at me. I just smiled awkwardly because it’s not like I was about to leave without my goods. There was also another guy Who was just STARING at me so much that the one blowing kisses asked if I knew him. 

My life is so exciting. 

Shortly after that, the bag split. I also realised that my backpack was open the entire time that I was at the ATM, and my phone was in there. To make things worse, I kept leaving my bag open multiple times. At one point someone actually pointed it out to me. I definitely needed a chaperone that day. 

What else has been going? Too much chocolate that’s for sure. I’ve lost a lot of weight over the past few months but not enough. And not where it counts!

Bob

I am concerned about Bob. 

First he posted a picture of some guy relieving himself by a tree in broad daylight. Yeah, it’s a douche move but taking a picture just proves that you have too much time on your hands. I haven’t actually seen any of his videos because I can’t be bothered. I have a few saved but I see that he was at a concert of some sort and I was just like, nope. I’ll save what I have for the next RT. It’s almost like I’ve conducted my own intervention but really I’ve been a foul mood all week and I need to be in my right mind to view Bob’s narcissism and all around shallowness. Did I mention that he posted a picture of lemonade? How 2016. 

ETA: Still haven’t watched any of his videos. Right now there are none up either so I’m taking it as a sign. I did like the picture (accompanied by stupid caption as per usual) he posted. 

You know, I don’t think my captions are any better. I have one saved in drafts that reads ‘the cupcake of chip-ions’. 

It’s a picture of my homemade chocolate chip cupcakes. 

I’m a hypocrite aren’t I? Does this mean that I owe Bob an apology for mocking him? 

Nah. Sorry, Bob! Wait…

Anyway, Bob appears to be at some wine tasting with Mrs Bob. I tend to avoid videos with her in them because there’s no need I bring someone else into my ridicule and also she sort of ruins the whole eye candy thing for me. Is that weird? Am I being weird? Lol. Redundant question. I’ll add them to the growing pile of videos.

Intervention progress level: 50%

Saturday

I went shopping. Oh my God. So I’m pretty sure I’m reacting to medication or work. Today I went to the area where I work and I was shopping and I just felt sick the entire time. I’m talking heart racing, nausea, dizziness, feeling hot. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. I hate shopping so much. Too many people, too much anxiety and too much hell no. Oh and too much money spent. I can just do that online, lol. It was so awful. I won’t be doing it again.

I’m trying

Again, I worry that I’m disappearing but people can reach out, right? I’ll reply eventually. Most of the time. I might need a nudge or two these days. I’m not really okay, but it feels like a competition these days. I’m in pain, you’re in pain too. I’m sad, you’re sad too. I’m lonely, you’re lonely too. I’m sure I’m guilty of it too, more so than others, but I can’t deal with other people sometimes. 

However, I’m trying. 

Chester

You know, when I heard that Chester Bennington died, I felt bad for not keeping up with Linkin Park of late. I have no idea why. I’m not going to pretend that he changed my life or anything, just acknowledge that they were a huge part of my music library library for many years. What was interesting to me was how many people kind of made his death about them? We call it ‘paying tribute’, but is it really? Why do people have to die for us to acknowledge what they’ve done? It’s kind of sad. It’s sad that people have turned death into a weird social media bragging contest about how much so and so meant to them. I don’t get it. 

Is suicide selfish?

What do you guys think? You know how you think your stance is dead set on something, but then you realise that it isn’t? Yeah, that. We’re a complicated species. 

Creative shit

I’m making earrings now.  It’s much harder than it looks! Fuuuuuck. I think this is the most scattered post yet. 

💜

Life, Random Thoughts

that’s just plain not nice | Random Thoughts #23

There was a lack of random thoughts and Bob this week, but here’s what I had to say.

This week got old really fast. I also managed to sit through ten minutes of Bob without being compelled to take notes. Mostly because there was nothing noteworthy. 

Apart from the continued gratuitous shirtlessness. 

We get it, Bob, you work out and stuff. We thank you for that but request that you wear a shirt. Constant exposure to sunlight is bad for you, bud. See, I’m a caring individual! 

Music is awesome, sometimes. Anxiety isn’t. 

I plotted out a short story and I will get to work on it soon. It’ll be posted here, I guess. Ain’t nobody else gonna read it, that’s for sure, lol. I wish I was one of those people who has a huge writing group and whatnot, but that’ll never happened. Groups and I don’t get along. Too many people, too many potential voices that’ll drown me out. 

Recently, I connected with an old friend and she wants to meet up. I’m not against the idea but there’s something off. We barely communicate as it is, so…Plus I haven’t seen her in ten years. She was talking about driving up to another city to see another friend I haven’t seen in ten years. I was slightly baffled. Hoping she goes with something simple. Either way the ball is in her court and my attendance is currently set at TBD. 

I’m antisocial. Not really by choice, but through a combination of all sorts. Antisocial people get a bad rap. I’m talking about your standard run-of-the-mill quiet folk, not the I set fire to your car ha ha ha antisocial clique. We’re considered odd and weird but someone made us this way. Like how someone sat down and made root beer which is absolutely disgusting. It’s one of life’s inexplicable mysteries. 

I don’t like talking about my personal life because it makes it real. I will hint and keep it vague because this is how life is. I’m one way with everyone else and someone else at home. People are quick to judge, quick to other meaningless words and I have that. Still, is keeping it in any better? Probably not. 

Took my phone and iPod into the toilet wir me by accident. GURL, PLEASE. CONTROL YOURSELF. I have dropped multiple devices down the toilet. I like to think that I’ve learnt from my mistakes. 

Clearly I haven’t. 

I’m at the point where Bob is annoying me, because he seems to just post variants of the same shit and we’re in the middle of a heatwave here. Shirtless pictures don’t help. I want pictures of icebergs and cold stuff. Anything cold. Not sun, sea and terrible captions. Get it together, Bob. That’s just plain not nice. 

I have next week off work and nothing to do. I want to go out and just navigate. I guess I’ll do window shopping. Or whatever. Ideally, I’d love to take my laptop somewhere and write but that’s not going to happen. My laptop is heavy and old. I might make do with my phone, though. I also might try and do an online course. I did one about a year ago, a diploma in Sports Nutrition, lol. This year I might go for something that I’ve never touched on in my life. We’ll see. 

Life, Random Thoughts

Honour Your Pace

Don’t compare yourself to others

I always tell people not to compare themselves to others. In fact, I tell people so many things that are reasonable and true but often, I forget to tell them to myself. 

For instance, I do this [indirectly compare myself to others] everyday. Part of it is someone else constantly comparing me to other people and the rest is myself. I wonder why this person’s writing has more comments than mine, I wonder what I’m doing wrong. I wonder why everyone always seems to have a lot to do when I have nothing to do. The thing is that I don’t care. I mean, I care about feedback but not enough for it to dictate how and when or if I write, and what people do has nothing to do with me. It’s their life. I can’t force people to like my work. I can’t force anything. 

However, we live in a world that’s competitive by nature. We fight for everything. Jobs, people, that last discounted bread roll (for real, one old dude almost sent me flying a few weeks back. Over bread!). 

Comparison is going to happen, it’s what you do with it that counts. 

You either realise that you’re not going to be that person and that you have no idea what they’ve done to get where they are or if what you see is real at all or you drive yourself mad trying to emulate an instance. We all provide everyone with a snapshot of our lives. 

Do you really want to compare yourself to one page of an entire book? Nope.

So, like I always say, fuck everyone else and focus on getting what you want in life. 

The irony of me writing this post is not lost on me but I’m hoping that I can come back and read this and enlighten myself. I’m much better at helping other people than I am at helping myself. Not sure why, but what can you do? 

You’ve just gotta honour your pace. 

Life

The Lowest Form Of Wit

Guilty.

Sarcasm is something that can’t be helped. Like for instance, I saw a certain caption today and my reaction was something like, ‘yeah, I’m sure that’s genuine‘. It was automatic. Perhaps that person was being genuine, or maybe they’re full of shit, who knows. All I know is that sarcasm serves a purpose for me. 

It’s a form of communication. I don’t intend to pour scorn on everything, but it’s much better that praising sometimes enthusiastically because that makes me uncomfortable. All of that rabid excitement just makes me want to sit in a dark shed and cry. I can’t help it, I have a dry sense of humour that lends itself as sarcasm. If I won a million dollars, I’d probably make a remark along the lines of, ‘Yay, more money to carelessly blow on eBay’ as opposed to ‘WHEEEEEEE!’. 

Perhaps it’s cynicism, or maybe a fear of showing genuine emotion. Often, I hide what I’m really thinking by making a sarcastic comment, or I try to exercise it when I feel like someone is being stupid. In that sense, it isn’t nice but come on, we all need that sarcastic sassy voice of reason and I’m more than willing to be it. 

I just need to find my own. Lol. 

This post is brought to you by… Writer’s Block. My old frenemy. 

Life, Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts #11

More Instagram rambling. I always feel like an awkward grandma when I’m on social media so I’m sharing my journey with you all. Enjoy, LOL.

So, today, I watched some stories. I follow less than 30 people so there’s only ever usually two that need to be watched. One was of some guy in his car. I’m fairly certain that he wasn’t saying anything. I mean, his lips weren’t moving but I also didn’t unmute the video, so…It was weird. I was just wondering why he was looking directly at the camera. Maybe I will unmute it next time. Anyway, his dog is cute, though! The next one was just general stuff by a friend of mine.  Continue reading “Random Thoughts #11”