trade this life for something new

Even though I blog about ‘myself’, there’s a lot I keep hidden. Not just from blogosphere but everyone. Why? ‘Cause it’s too damn sad. I could write a book on oppression, on emotional and verbal abuse, on anything in that area. I choose not to because I don’t want to read back through thoughts and be reminded of the bullshit.

Right now, I’m being forced into something I don’t really want to do. What this person doesn’t know is that years ago, I went through this and decided it wasn’t for me. I’ve already done this thing but not to the standard that this person wants. So they want me to forget the past five years of my life and go back to where I’ve started. 

I physically cannot do that. 

At this point, clearly, there has to be a compromise, because I’m not about to waste another two years of my life feeling unhappy because someone else wants to dictate my life for me. 

It won’t work. And I’m not willing to spend the money on it. They claim they will but I do not want a single penny from them. Ever. Not when it comes with more nonsense and strings. 

However, finding a compromise is going to be tough and I’m not sure if I can handle it. I know my limit, I know my strengths and the easiest way to ensure that I fail is to force me into something. If I don’t compromise, there’s no way I’m not going to fail. I can’t afford to go back to having no life, nothing else other than what someone else wants me to do. That’s no life. That’s me spacing out twenty four hours a day. That’s me sinking into depression. That’s me just floating away and not wanting to be around anymore. 

That’s shit

I’m close out with some Linkin Park lyrics because it’s appropriate!

Normal service will be resumed shortly.

Today’s conundrum 

Well, I got a nasty email from someone and my dilemma is whether or not I ignore it or respond. The reasonable adult in me says ignore, but the snarky deviant says give then hell. 

Usually, the snarky part of me gets her way but I’m in a philosophical mood at the moment. The question on my mind is really just why it is that people are so damn rude to one another? Is there any reason why we can’t be civil? I mean, at least in December. Although, December seems to have the opposite effect on people. They are meaner, louder and twice as obnoxious. 
I think we should just cancel December and skip to January. 

Written for the prompt ‘Conundrum‘ via –

Apparently White People Are Experts On Racism


Apparently, there’s no such thing as racism in countries where it has merely been exposed to them! EXPOSED I TELL YOU!


Anyway, the situation I’m about to describe happened a few months ago. I’ll apologise now if anything I say after this point offends anyone, although, if it does, it says more about the offended than it does me. Plus, I doubt anyone is going to read this anyway.

Here’s what happened.

My (white) friend is from a European country and I caught wind of a racist incident that had happened there. I emailed them a link about it and sarcastically added, ‘not all publicity is good publicity‘ and some basic remarks condemning the situation+. This was probably mistake number one. I am not an overly patriotic person, but there’s nothing that riles people up more than suggesting their country is inherently racist (which I wasn’t, but apparently that’s how it came across). Just look at Bill O’Reilly. Or Nigel Farage. Or the man of the hour, Donald Trump. Continue reading “Apparently White People Are Experts On Racism”