Bitchin', Life, Social Media

Hiding away from the world

You know, I used to be that girl who talked to everyone all the time, everywhere before I got burned out. I was trying to be too many things to too many people and in the end, I ran. I ran like someone just told me that they’d seen stacks of cash in the near distance. 

I felt like I was a magnet, constantly attracting non-magnetic objects. I was friends with people, but they weren’t friends with me. I was always there for people, but they were never there for me. I was the shoulder to cry on, but all I got was elbows to the face. 

After that, the best decision was to get the fuck away. Anyone who wanted to talk to me would find a way. 

Boy, were my eyes opened.

My newfound solitude was lonely at first, but eventually, I got used to it and here I am.

Occasionally, I fall into the habit. I disappear and when I emerge I realise that so much has happened. Life changes so quickly and these days, you’ve got social media to help you keep up but on those days when I’m like fuck this there is no social media, no news, no nothing. Quite what I do on those days is a mystery to me. It’s like a vacuum in my mind where everything vanishes and I wake up three days later and I’m like, damn, where did the time go. 

I think a lot of this is down to how much we are encouraged to share about ourselves. I used to be that girl that shared every single damn thought in my head. I was an open book until I realised that the more you share of yourself, the less you have to yourself. If that makes sense. 

However, I often find myself looking at my life and I’m like, my gosh I’m boring. Eventually, I ask myself relative to who? We don’t tell people about the mundane shit we do. Like shopping, eating, drinking. Oh, wait, we do. Apparently that’s the interesting part. 

Not for me.

Even with that in mind I still find myself comparing myself to other people. That person looks so put together and I look like shit. I went to school with her and she’s got her life together while I can barely dredge up an ounce of motivation. She’s really pretty and I look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backward. He’s got tons of money and I struggle to buy food.

It’s hard not to look anywhere and find some kind of way in which you’re a failure. 

Most days, I can deal with that. Life isn’t supposed to be easy. If it was it would be legal to sucker punch the next asshole who shoves past me at the train station. 

Most days, I roll my eyes and tell myself that a picture doesn’t mean shit. An article is just a snapshot. Everything is just a tiny piece of a complicated puzzle. 

Some days, though, I have to jump ship before I can drown. You know those days when a stupid picture of a Starbucks cup has you think I can’t remember the last place I even went anyway and suddenly I’m wasting my life, I’m not worthwhile, I don’t do anything for anyone, blah, blah, blah. Some days I have to avoid that and I just disappear. 

I can’t tell you what I do on those days because time tends to fly by without stopping long enough for me to take a breath. 

I haven’t worked out if that’s a good or bad thing. 

Bitchin', Random Thoughts

I’m happy that you haven’t accidentally killed your cat| Random Thoughts #24

You know how sometimes you know something is bad for you but you do it anyway? That’s me with Instagram. Like I’ve said many times, my Insta is dead. Some old grandpa followed and unfollowed me. That’s how dead it is. 
I was flicking through it today and I had an interesting thought. 

This is making me feel bad 

It’s not even that people don’t like my pictures or anything like that, it’s just weird. People I used to speak to more or less ignore me when I try to be nice. By people I mean two of them, but whatever. What the fuck is this? High school? Imma unfollow them later. I’m petty like that.

Anyway, it kind of feels like I’m in the middle of the desert screaming at people. Snark doesn’t work well on Instagram, it really doesn’t. At least not my snark. I’m just writing witty comments for the sake of it. 

I kind of hate it all. 

There’s Bob and his picture perfect life but that’s just funny to me because of the random nonsense on his stories. Perfect pictures and complete and utter secondhand embarrassment in the stories. It’s like constant entertainment when I have time to watch it. I haven’t for about a week now due to some drama and a crazy week but I think that’s for the best. He was the reason I rejoined in the first place. Yes, it’s true. I wanted to like his pictures or comment with, “Dude, what are you doing?” and I have the app on my phone anyway, so I was like, ‘why not?’

I was laughing at peach yogurt yesterday, guys. It was sad. That’s also why not. 

Anyway, I don’t have a problem with Bob really, or any celebrities and whatever they choose to post. I expect fake bullshit from them. 
So I guess it’s normal people who irk me the most. 

There’s no real effort to communicate on there, or too educate or inspire or even entertain. It’s just me me me me food food me me me me ooh, click on heart! 

Nah, son, it’s cool. I’m not a robot. You’re not that interesting. Literally. I know what you look like already. I’m happy that you eat food. I’m happy that you haven’t accidentally killed your cat. I’m even happier that you’re so fucking happy. 

I’ve found that looking at tags is the best way to use Instagram but only when I’m bored or so. I have a ton of drafts saved that I’ll drag out over the course of year, but other than that, I am still not feeling it.

I was on Facebook recently to reply a comment and honestly, my presence on Facebook is like when you step into a room and it goes silent and you vow never to do it again. That’s me. I sign on and immediately regret it. 

I learnt a long time ago and that I’m not the kind of person who can deal with certain types social media in a healthy way, so I avoid it.

However, sometimes it’s hard when you feel like you’re disconnected from the world. 

Although, it kind of feels like that on social media anyway. 

I don’t know who these shiny, pretty, filtered people are. Not really. They’re snapshots of falsehood and who has time for that? 

Not me! 

I’m gonna go back to definitely not mocking Bob for snark purposes (his captions make my head hurt) and just ignore everyone else. 

ETA: Bob ended up being cancelled this week. I wasn’t really sure why until I wrote this gem in my journal:

I think the world needs their weekly shirtless Bob update to make them feel bad about their chubby selves. 

Ouch. 

Why so glum, chum? Lol, I’m not sure what Bob did to me. Poor Bob. He had a live thing going yesterday and I was tempted to click on it but live video is another thing that creeps me out. I’m not even going to go into it. 

Anyway, that’s all on this topic. 

Every time I have time off I find myself messing around on social media but honestly, I’m gonna try and waste my time on other things. I’m too lazy to take and post perfect selfies. Especially on my days off when I look like Cousin Itt with a purple bandana on. 

peace

Life, Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts #15

I made #14 private because I was not thinking straight last week and everything I posted was a little too personal. I will leave the others up just in case they’re ever helpful to anybody but that one. Nope. I read through the previous Random Thoughts posts and I think they’re a nice chronological account and archive of my ongoing weirdness, lol! 
Anyway, today’s thought:

Genuine amusement! There’s a first time for everything.

My Instagram obsession (well, I don’t consider it an obsession but whatever, we’ll just go with that. Or what else can I call them? Bob? Let’s got with Bob) posted something to day that made me laugh IRL. 

Occasionally I check Bob’s posts. It was just whenever I had time but then his dog died and seriously his dog was the best part of everything. I was genuinely sad for him so now I watch his stories more? I don’t know how that works. I think I’m just bored now that I don’t have TV shows to watch. 

Unfortunately, he’s still a frequent provider of secondhand embarrassment but I find it interesting really. He’s more or less the most active person on my Instagram. I still follow less than 40 people, lol. 

My poor friend is always telling me that Bob isn’t that interesting and I’m just like… but he’s pretty? I’m that shallow. And I’m so bored that anything will do right now. I need to follow more blogs on here. I’m gonna go find a bunch of writing blogs right now. And work on honing my craft and not mocking Bob with my long suffering friend. 

By work I mean I’m probably going to keep watching them. 

I need an intervention. 

ETA: I think I just got one. Bob has irritated me immensely. It was so bad that I’m now flicking through ‘instagram is for attention seekers’ posts to kick-start the cool down period. 

We had a good run, Bob, but you’re not that pretty. 

Awkward Situations, Life, Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts #13

wp-1491172809412.jpg

You know what, I don’t need any peach inspired nightmares tonight

I uttered this upon preparing to watch a story by my favourite narcissist person on Instagram. I may not have learned my lesson, but I’d like a nightmare free weekend!

Also, I need to chill on Instagram. I’m not on it 24/7 by any means, but there’s still something about it that makes me feel uncomfortable. Almost like I’m a hipster with hipster amnesia who’s forgotten that Instagram is beneath me (obv that’s an analogy ’cause hipsters embraced Instagram years before the rest of us. Duh!).

That being said I’m going to have to wean myself off it slowly. Cold turkey never works for me. Le sigh. 

Life, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized

Random Thoughts #12

First of all, I updated the WordPress app and the image multi picker is gone. RUDE. I had only just figured out how to use it properly.

Secondly, this is another installment of ‘Snark Navigates Her Way Through Social Media’ because I had five days off work and had time to waste.

Twitter is still cool for me. There are some strange things like stupid ads but for the most part, I can use it without wanting to bash my head against the wall.

Back to Instagram and I watched a live video a few days ago. It was by this writer who was sharing her tips and taking questions. The thing is that, I have no idea who she is. She seems like a pleasant person but I can barely make it through a conversation with family members, let alone a one sided live-stream. I still don’t get it. It’s like being forced to watch one of those YouTube videos in real time. Some people need some polishing and a lot of editing. Continue reading “Random Thoughts #12”

Awkward Situations, Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts #9

What kind of sorcery is this?

I was on Instagram earlier. I followed a few accounts that I probably will never look at and replied an outstanding comment. And then I clicked off because 

  1. I have better things to do
  2. I don’t really like Instagram
  3. Social media and me are like two friends that haven’t spoken in five years. I tweet but Twitter is the least social media-ish social media these days, clearly. 

    Anyway, I got an alert after to say that someone was on live video and to check it before…I don’t know before what, because the message was cut off. So I clicked on it, thinking that I’d just see the option to go live or whatever. I don’t even know the right nomenclature. Anyway, it took me into the video and I watched it on mute for three seconds, saw the comments,spotted my name as having joined the conversation or video, whatever, panicked and then I clicked out. LOL. It was so hilarious to me. 

    I was just wondering if anyone could see me but I don’t think it works that way. Either way, I had cheese flavoured crumbs all over my face and I wasn’t taking chances. I clicked out like I was in the ring with Mike Tyson and he was coming for my ear. Fast and emphatically.

    Part of it was confusion and part of it was that I doubt that this dude has anything exciting to say (exciting to me), I mean, I follow him but I don’t particularly want to hear whatever random shit is on his mind. If I did, I’d click on his stories and I don’t, so. Anyway. That was an interesting experience. Relearning how to use social media is a struggle that I’m too lazy for tbh but in the meantime, welcome to my journey. 

    It will probably be a short one. 

    A to Z Challenge 2017

    overthinking – #AtoZChallengeĀ 

    I was going to write about how I over think everything but, well. Instead I wrote an example!


    I think I’m too jaded for Instagram.

    Well…That didn’t last long. I’ve had it for a day and I’m done with it.

    So, to recap, I signed into my account for the first time in years recently (initially I wanted to delete it but I settled on deleting everything that identified me and then I deleted more). 

    After taking the painful decision to unfollow Nick Carter (he was the only celebrity I was following which amused me to no end), I unfollowed some of the people who have deleted all of their pictures (or never posted?).

    Next, I was directed into following people. Okay, I said, let’s see who’s coming up. Fair enough, it was people that I know. I followed a couple. And then I decided to just follow the one profile I look at via web because if I have the app (which I can’t delete from my damn phone), I might as well. 

    What I saw when I went to search for it was horrifying. Jared Padalecki. Jensen Ackles. Nick Carter! (I wasn’t guilted into following him again, ha!) Even more celebrity bullshit. I’m guessing that I follow people who follow them and that’s why it happened to come up like that but given that I avoid these things like a plague, I swore to myself that I’d never end up on that dark road again. Never. Never ever. 

    After that, I was wondering what to post on there. Unlike most people, I accept that my life is boring and I don’t take pictures of every waking moment. If I did, it would just be a catalogue of bad hair days and trust me, nobody needs or wants to see that. I’m also too lazy to be worrying about angle or whatever stupid facial expression looks the least stupid (shout out to the duck lips selfies). In the end, I decided that I would abstain from posting anything. I did post one picture and thankfully, that was enough to chase away the random dude with three pictures that followed my dusty account.This guy had even less pictures than I did. I don’t know where he even came from but it was weird. 

    Following that I then discovered that the bar at the top was the Stories feature… I’ve been hearing about it but seriously, isn’t Snapchat enough? I don’t need to see or hear anyone that much, I take my antisocial behaviour very seriously (which begs the question of why I’m even on Instagram…). 

    I eventually ventured into my following tab and… I was hit by a question. What’s the point? Not sure what I meant, but let’s go with what’s the point of my presence? Weve already established the fact that I am boring, too lazy to post anything, never using the search function again, only really on it to look at one profile (and I might need an intervention for that), not interested in the stories feature, not really interested in any of it. I mean, yeah, friends and all that, but I’d rather text them tbh.

    Anyway, I was trying to figure out the point before I realised that it’s because it’s apparently the norm to be on these things. Someone at work asked me if I had Instagram and I replied with, ‘yeah, but I don’t use it’, and then other people ask you as well and I’m just like, ‘even if I did, it would be so boring that you’d wish you never asked’. 

    I went through the same thing with Snapchat weeks ago before I abandoned that. Some people live on Snapchat, man. In the end, I got bored of it. I still lurk occasionally, but my days of snapping are over. All I did was post awkward selfies and I wasn’t joking about the bad hair days. No one needs to see that shit.

    Second point, I don’t want to be that person that falls off the grid (although, let’s face it, I am beyond that point). I feel like every time I talk to someone the first thing said is, ‘it’s been awhile!’ and I go from ‘has it?’ to ‘shit, I haven’t spoken to this person in years‘. However, I think sometimes in life that’s just the way it is. I’m the kind of person that takes two months to reply to an email. I blame other people for making me this way, LOL. 

    So, I will be banishing to Instagram to lurkdom, the same way all social media sites seem to end up for me. 

    Interestingly enough, clarity came from Yahoo! Answers. The answer said, ‘some people like it, some don’t’. I’m part of the latter and that’s okay. 

    Honestly, I’m good with flicking through WordPress and the occasional tweet. I’m writing this post so that the next time I jump back into Instagram, I can come here and see that anything that generates this much over thinking is best to be avoided, lol. 


    To conclude, I have issues. I’m working on it. Lol!