short stories, writing

doing the right thing is for suckers [short story]


The hero does not know who to trust
~

I walked into the office building the same way I did every day. I grabbed my coffee order and dodged across the street only narrowly escaping being run over. I walked briskly for three minutes before I turned left and carried on for another minute before I skipped up the steps and strolled in. I nodded at the security guard and waited for him to nod back before I headed for the elevator.

If it sounded mundane, that’s because it was. My life, my job, my everything. It was boring. I was an auditor. I spent every day of my life crunching numbers. I made sure that money was being spent accordingly, tracked each single cent. I was supposed to be the person that people wanted looking at their books in order to make every penny count.

Except, for the most part, I was the person they didn’t want looking. My job was to find things, but only things that wouldn’t kick up a huge fuss.

Auditing was one of those grey areas that people tended to skirt along. Transparency was great, but getting away with transgressions was even better. 

There was a running joke that my colleagues used to make.

We find the bodies and we bury them even deeper.

With that in mind, I walked slowly towards the hallway that led to my office. Unbeknownst to everybody in this building, an anonymous email was on its way to the Times.

I wasn’t trying to be a hero. 

Not really. However, when I was faced with ignoring the fact that millions of people stood to lose their savings and pensions, I knew I had to do something. That didn’t make me a hero, it made me human.

I took my place at my desk and logged onto my computer as normal. Even though I’d covered my tracks well, used VPNs, secure servers and a dummy email address, I still wondered.

The memory of Josh from Accounting vanishing out of sight still lingered. He came across some numbers that didn’t add up and he did the right thing.

Unfortunately, the right thing didn’t get people too far in this town.

Doing the right thing was for suckers.

However, it was either I sat on what I’d found and watched as millions of lives were destroyed or actually doing something. 

I chose to do something. 

I chose to make sure that people would be digging through this mess for years instead of shoving it deeper.

The only problem now was that I wasn’t the only one who’d seen the information. At least three or four others must have gone past it, maybe more. Once the news broke my days would be numbered.

The smiles and cordial greetings would evaporate. People would wonder. They would speculate. At least one person would mention me by name.

I looked up at the office and glanced around. I tried to think if I had any allies here, anyone who would have my back.

I came up empty.

In the end, I resigned myself to my fate.

It took three weeks for them to realise it was me.

By then, I was gone.

I’d never get a job in this area again. My life was effectively ruined but I found that it didn’t matter. My life in return for millions of people who stood to lose everything? It didn’t compare.

They called me a hero, but I disputed that notion strongly.

I wasn’t a hero; I was just a sucker with a heart.

© hiptobesnark 2017

short stories, writing

rain and I were friends [short story]

It was pouring down with rain. 

That was the least surprising part of my funeral. 

It rained the day I was born. 

It rained on my wedding day (and that was ironic because the marriage lasted all of three days). 

It even rained the day I got my first job. 

Hell, it rained the day I won and lost a winning lottery ticket. 

Rain and I were old friends. 

So I fully expected it to rain on my funeral. 

Water pouring and cascading on to my pinewood casket. 

Dripping and dripping they finally lowered me into the ground. 

That part was expected. 

I wasn’t expecting a huge crowd, but I counted more people than I’d seen in the past few years. There were old people, young people, kids, fucking kids. I didn’t know any kids so I wondered which forsaken inviduual had brought their offspring along. After some deep thinking I reasoned that maybe they’d been hoping to get some free food out of it at least. 

This wasn’t the funeral I had planned. I wanted it to be over quickly. Someone would pour a dash of whiskey on the wooden box and push the button that sent me into a pit of fire. 

After a few minutes, I’d be gone. 

Ashes to ashes. 

Dust to dust. 

Into thin air. 

Maybe afterwards, my only friend would drink himself into a stupor in memory of me. The next day he’d wake up in a pile of his own vomit and vow to get on with his life.

Obviously, none of that happened because my dear old mother had other ideas. Here I was watching a huge procession in the street. People I had never seen before carried my casket.

Worst of all, my mother delivered a eulogy full of lies when they got to the cemetery.

My son was a great man, is how she began.

(I ran away from home when I was eighteen.)

I will never get over this loss, she continued.

(I suspected that she would once she saw that I’d left all of my money to my half sister – same father, different mother – just to spite her.)

I will miss him until the end of my days.

(Like she missed me over the past twenty years?)

Yet, people ate it up. They sat there and cried because grief is contagious. It was like an electric ripple that ran through people in tandem, infecting them with its darkness. These people didn’t know me, but I was their chance to grieve. I was serving some kind of messed up purpose.

It’s a pity then that in life, I’d made a lot of enemies. The kind that I’d hoped my planned cremation would put off. If there was no service, there would be no targets. No targets meant no bloodbath.

Avoiding a bloodbath was obviously a priority.

However, as I saw my mother talking, and heard the revving of engines in the distance, I knew that shit was about to hit the fan.

I was faced with two options.

Play dead, or try to save a bunch of people that had no business being at my funeral in the first place.

In case you’re wondering, I’m not a zombie. 

I’m not dead either.

I’m also not alive.

Try working that one out.

The gunmen set sights on the gatherers fairly quickly, bullets raining down in synch with the raindrops. Screams echoed across the field, and once again, I wondered just what my mother had been thinking. An outdoor funeral? It was unfathomable.

Amidst the chaos, I set about directing those on the field. Agent Roberts had to take the east side. Agent Matthews took the left. Daniels, south. And me? Well, I was stuck here from my vantage point.

Watching.

There’s a good reason why I died. Why I killed myself off before anyone else could. In this business, it pays to be smart. I’ve seen so many good men flounder and fall because they didn’t know when to call time.

I knew.

Waking up to a bullet in my windshield wasn’t necessarily the first indication, but it was a start.

Blood on my walls? Well, that definitely got the ball rolling?

Getting shot in the back and finding out that I’d be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my life? 

That sealed the deal. 

I knew than that the old me was dead. That guy was gone. I wanted to make it official.

In a way, this was my last act in my previous life. The final chapter. Bullets were flying, people were screaming, field agents were doing their jobs. The stuffy desy job that awaited me would never propel me to such heights so I decided to make the most of it. The angles were tight, everything was a risk, but I ran point like I’d never done before and the situation was contained within fifteen minutes.

My mother stood in a corner, huddled under a foil blanket, with something akin to excitement in her wide eyes. She would be telling this story for years, that I was certain of.

In a way, thanks to my her, I got the perfect send off. Adrenaline. Excitement. The sense that even in my diminished capacity, I could still help. I wasn’t useless. I could do this.

After thirty-seven years of providing me with nothing but disappointment, it was the least she could do.

© hiptobesnark 2017

Random Thoughts

expiry dates are just a guideline | Random Thoughts #25

Hello, guys! 

I feel human right now. I, who feels inhuman 99.9% of the time, feel human. The reason? My Vitamin B complex. It’s expired now but I took it anyway because I was yawning at fucking four pm and I got annoyed. It made me feel a loser, so I was like, eff yeah, I’m going to take a vitamin! In your face fatigue! It didn’t do me any harm, so I think they’re okay to take for now at least. 

Today was okay, though, I mostly chilled and listened to some music. I got some lipsticks and eyeshadow in the mail today, and a Vitamin E face mask. Expect a new me on Monday. LOL. 

I also accidentally ended up watching Bob’s thing on Instagram. I promise you it was an accident. My Canadian husbands Billy Talent had a story up and I was watching it and I can’t for the life of me figure out how to stop stories from automatically playing one after the other. Is there a way to do that? I think they’re usually in alphabetical order because Bob usually comes up first, but maybe that’s not the case because Bob’s name begins with A (I know, game changer) and it went straight into his story. Anyway, it was more of the same vapid nonsense. 

Him and Mrs Bob (his gf, I guess, idk who she is lol but this is what I’m calling her) are in some kind of field, potentially picnicking and… That’s it. Neither of them even said anything. I was just wondering what the point was. It was weird. Enjoy your weekend, Barbie and Ken! We already know what you look like, don’t worry, we won’t forget if you keep the camera away from yourselves for one day. I promise.

Anyway, what else? I finished an original story. WHEEEEEEE. I shall post it here soon. 🙂

My friend also challenged me to write a story under 5000 words because I am incapable of keeping things short (short stories aside, lol). I’m at 4200 now and nowhere near finished. Watch me cut out the excess like an editor of a B movie leaving the parts of the movie that make sense on the cutting room floor. 

Also, people always think that I’m a guy on here. Is this because my picture was of a guy before, do I sound like a guy? Do I swear too much? Answers on a post card, please. LOL. 

That’s all for now folks. More randomness soon. 💜

Bitchin', writing

stay in your lane

Hello, people. I am here to snark, rant, consciously uncouple my feelings, whatever you want to call it. 

Let’s just say that this post is about writing about bees. 

Writing about bees is common, people reading it is even more common. I could write two thousand words about bees and I’m sure everyone would love it. Bees are everywhere and anywhere and people naturally gravitate towards it. It’s popular with everybody. 
Everyone but me. 

See, I am not a trend follower. If I was, maybe I would have been a popular writer but I like to be different. I like to write what I would like to read. 

Continue reading “stay in your lane”

Bitchin', Life

things could get dangerous

I’m bored. Things could get dangerous.

This ain’t even random thoughts, man. It’s boredom thoughts. 

I am so fuuuucking bored. 

Nothing is piercing the boredom right now. It’s just there. Always lurking and waiting to drag me into spending four hours editing a story that’s as good as it’s going to get or rewatching Hit The Floor. 

Continue reading “things could get dangerous”

Random Thoughts

male model heaven | Random Thoughts #22

First of all, the bullet point layout is so much easier! How does it look? Stupid? Y/n/you don’t care?

Secondly:

I am in male model heaven

In my defence, I was a little grossed out that I even thought that, but at any rate it’s true.

  • Bob’s PR (I can tell when it’s not him writing the captions, because everything looks like a normal human being wrote it) posted a thing about a thing
  • I clicked on the tag and et voila. Models galore
  • I’m going to spend an hour perusing through it, just because it’s been a hard week. I need this. 😂

I am like a pathetic little fangirl

  • You know when you know your behaviour is irrational but you can’t help it? Yeah. That. 
  • Anyway, is it bad that my first thought was, ‘aw, he has something to do!’
  • Obviously, he’s way busier than me, so it’s just me being a bitch. I can accept that. He’s working with a major designer (as he has done in the past so yeah, he’s not some lazy person).
  • I got bored after ten minutes or so because it was just a bunch of white guys
  • Cute white guys, but still
  • Diversity in modelling is still a wish more than reality, huh?
  • Also I still can’t take Bob seriously. 
  • Someone posted video and he’s the first model, and he turns to look at the camera I was just like, ‘NO. NOPE BYE.’ LOL. Unserious motherflocker (I’m trying not to be crude!). 
  • I sat through his story and there was eye rolling (of course) and shock when he was like, ‘this is my hotel, come and say hi’ dude, whaaaat. But that was nice of him I guess. 
  • He has nice sunglasses

Writing update

  • Starting a sequel
  • I have 39393399 unfinished projects
  • Starting another one just made sense
  • I need a prompt for a short story. Any suggestions?
  • Writing done on Friday: 0
  • Writing some on Saturday: we’ll see

Fashion

  • Speaking of modelling
  • I don’t really get fashion
  • I mean, high street stuff is fine. I can pick out a cute top or whatever
  • Watching a bunch of people wear ugly shit and walk in a line is just baffling
  • And okay, some of the clothes are nice but so much of it is ugly
  • So so so so so so ugly
  • It’s not art, it’s just ugly

    It’s not just me

    • Otherwise known as validation
    • It’s nice when other people agree with us
    • Not necessarily healthy, but nice
    • The thing is that, it’s dangerous. If you need someone to agree with you to be confident in your opinion then it won’t work
    • I’m kind of a fuck validation kinda girl but I look for it all the time
    • Sometimes I find it, sometimes I don’t
    • Often it doesn’t matter anyway, because I learn to live with my opinion. 

        I write so I don’t forget

        • Social media is kind of weird
        • I prefer Twitter above else because you can always easily read back what you wrote
        • Snapchat is basically watching something that you’ll forget
        • Instagram is sort of the same
        • So if I want to remember something, I’ll have to scribble a little note somewhere
        • This is my explanation for Bob, I used to roast him with my friend and just got into the habit just before I started boring you guys to tears, lol!
        • My memory is weird
        • Often I will remember the strangest things, I can more or less remember article, shows and books word for word, but something you told me five minutes ago? Nope. 

          My time is not my own

          • Weekends are my free time but they’re anything but 
          • I wish I lived by myself
          • I don’t mind chipping in, but people are selfish and don’t care about my time
          • I am expected to jump up a million times a day if necessary
          • It’s exhausting. 

            Random Thoughts

            • I just read through all 21 (plus a couple extra and they’re not as bad as I thought they would be
            • It does sound like I am obsessed with Bob, but anyway….Lol.

            That’s all for today!